I Have A Cut-off Date.

I can't stand being this lonely. I'm 34 years old. I live alone. My family is at least an hour away and when we're together I feel like I'm a burden to them. I haven't had a serious long-term relationship since 1998. It's now 2010. I come home every day to an empty house. I have sex with random men just to get a little human companionship. But I can't do it anymore. I used to say my cut-off date was 40 - if I turned 40 and was still this miserable that would be it; I would end it. I'm not sure I can make it to 40 anymore. I don't know what's wrong with me or why no one seems to be able to love me but I'm starving for affection and a little loving attention. I know I'm not pretty; but I thought I was at least intelligent and fun to be around. Now my neediness and desperation is so pervasive that I doubt I'm fun to be around at all. I try to keep it bottled up inside so that no one will know; I've done that for so long that now I can't talk about it even if I want to, except to write about it anonymously on the internet. I hate my life and I honestly don't know why I keep trying to live it.
Zajhin Zajhin
31-35, F
2 Responses Jul 25, 2010

Lizzy is quite right about time. I believe there are plenty of men that will find you charming and adorable and will want to spend their time with you. Talking with you and listening to you. You think what you think, but don't sell yourself short. Kiss your frogs and find your prince.

Hang in there a lot of changes can take place in six years.