Just Trying To Breath...

What is it about getting older that makes us think we are less desirable, less likely to be able to sustain a long and healthy relationship?

I don't know, but I am right there with you.

I struggle every day to think that maybe, just maybe, I will find someone that looks at me instead of through me. I want to love, and be loved. I want to desire, and be desired. I want someone to laugh with, cry with, FEEL with. I want to feel safe in his arms, and know he is safe in mine. The older I get, the more worried I am that the time has passed me by. Most men my age are married with families, and although I know there are some out there who are not, they don't seem to be finding me, and I don't seem to be finding them. Somedays the pain of the loneliness is so bad that I feel like I cannot breath.

And, of course, then there is fear. The fear of meeting someone knew, of sharing your past history with them, and of wondering if they are like the person in the past who left you for someone else. I wonder if I will ever be able to completely open myself up again. Is it better to hold back? Or is it better to trust and open up? I don't know. I do know I have only allowed myself to do that once. And I don't know that I can do it again.

Sure, I have my children. But two are grown, and the youngest is going into HS. So I am not alone. But I am lonely. Very lonely. I have been that way for about three years now, and I want to ask God, why me? What is it about me that makes men want to walk away? Am I too needy? Am I too independent? I don't argue, and know how to state an opinion with respect to another. I realize people are not always going to get along. I know that each person needs to have their own friends and interests.

I don't know.

I know having a relationship shouldn't be a necessity, but that is very easy to say when you're not in one. When you have no one, it seems like the most important thing in the world.
LolaL LolaL
41-45, F
4 Responses Jul 27, 2010

To lolaL Hello <br />
<br />
Just wanted to say I know how you feel I feel the same way, And to Cursedboy I Don"t even want to respond with that name Please Change that Negative name, I understand all about Depression, But coming up with that name isn"t GOOD, How about Blessed Boy because you haven"t had the unpleasant feeling of Having your Heart ripped from you by your significant other,and without Depressing myself further theres other Reasons why, but I'm to Lonely myself to even talk about this Painful subject, Please just don"t do anything stupid as I once didJESUS will be COMING soon and all this Bull____ of this world will pass away, when we all Grt our spiritual Bodies,Hang in there as I'm doing and trully Pray and turn to the one True GOD and his Son JESUS, He Really will bring You through this stuff on a Daily Basis and give U strength to face another in Faith Knowing that He has all our best Interests in Mind and He"s a Loving Father Start to Look for the many small miracls that happen Daily and look to this site because I have seen or should I say read many caring and Loving People on here!!!! By and best wishes and GODS Grace and Mercy go with you Stay positive I did the other day and was very outgoing for the 1st time in a long time and conversations with woman whom I deem attractive and out of my age group ,were excited and pleased to talk to a nice man, It gave me some Hope that not all Pretty woman are Stuck up snobs,and no I don"t want hate mail ,I just said these woman were pretty 2 me Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder!!! A gd personallity and sense of humor will get you a woman who will Love you, and I really allready know that not all Gorgeous woman are what I said above Sorry for the Negativity!!! BFN

THERE Is no problem to find just one good man..the point is to find YOUR person, your spesial man, that u waited all life. such meetings dont happen many times, just once or may be twice...and most important not to loose him...unfortunately sometimes we loose the most precious<br />
its ur choice to be alone or be with some one but maybe without such deep feeling, just with one who has feelings to u and respect u and can protect u...many people stay togather without such deep strong love. are they happy...i dont know...may be . different people need different things to feel happy...my choice is be alone if i lost the man of my life. its better then to be just with some one in order not to be alone<br />
i would better share with strangers than stay lonely with wrong person and kiss one i am not crazy about<br />
life is hard thing

I wonder the same thing. But, I've been told that I'm undesirable since I was 15. I've watched everyone else find someone special, have relationships, get married and have children. Some of them have even done all this more than once! I'm 34, and are still yet to even have a first chance really. All I get is being told that one day it will happen, keep trying, be patient. But it just never happens. I'm 34, and have never even held hands, or had my first kiss. The older I get, the more it seems that they were right when I was 15 ...

Age does not matter if the right person comes into your life and you let them in. I know a couple of ladies who have remarried when they were in their sixties and seventies. They seem to be happy and enjoying life with their spouses. I was told the past has to be left behind and you are willing to take the chance at love again.