Lonely If You Do, Lonely If You Dont

Ever notice that when you feel at your most vulnerable and lonely thats when everywhere you look there are songs/movies/people etc that make it even worse. Do they sit in wait for that one moment where you just want to be hugged and looked after to pounce like a tiger, stick their claws in your chest and rip out your heart. Preditors DO go after the fragile and weak and they DO wait for the opportune moment to strike OR is it just because you're feeling like the world is against you that you notice these things a little more than usual.

My ex and now good friend has recently started seeing someone new. I've tried to be happy for him. I've tried to let it go and just be a friend but I cant. Why should I have to put up with the pain of seeing him with someone else? It just shows me how much i could have had if it had worked out. It brings up questions of why he ended it (I never really did understand) and most of all it makes me feel more lonely than i thought i could ever feel. 
Yet I cant let go. If you love something you set it free? Thats what they say anyway, though who exactly "they" are is beyond me but how do you let something go thats one of the best things in your life (despite the recent pain) Without that person, that understood me more than anyone ever has, the first person that i actually felt there was a future with after my previous 5 year, car crash relationship, my life just feels like its missing something.

I know he would never want to hurt me and i would never want to hurt him either but i feel like i just want to shout at him. I want to make him feel pain but thats not right. Thats not me. The guilt I would feel if I did would be unbearable. I cant do that to him. So how do i say goodbye? Why cant i let go when i know that if i dont one day i will just erupt with all this supressed pain like a time bomb ticking down to 0.

What kind of friend am i that i cant even be happy for him?

Wouldnt it just be easier if I just avoided men for he rest of my life.. I dont think that will be difficult.

Emsy Emsy
26-30, F
3 Responses Jul 27, 2010

Thank you. Thats really helpful

i wouldnt suggest avoiding men for the rest of your life but i would suggest avoiding him more often. i understand you two are still friends but if seeing him resurfaces the pain then it clearly isn't the right thing to do right now. you should try to keep busy and focus on positive things, things that interest you, anything that will take your mind off of him. take up something new, join a class of sorts (art, dance, photography, etc) where you can meet new people (guys!) that share your interest. after you feel like you've moved on from him it will be easier to accept and tolerate his new girlfriend. if he starts noticing that you are avoiding him you could try confronting him about it and just let him know that you still value the friendship but just want to focus on you right now.

Letting go of someone you love is very hard to do. There is never an easy way to do this it comes with a lot of pain and heart ache. I don't know how you can be just friends when your feelings for him is stronger than friendship. Maybe you should tell him how you feel about him and then see what happens.You never know he may feel the same way about you.Only you know what is best for you.