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I Want To Live Life

I used to have an OK group of friends in Middle School, but then we got into some arguments so I didn't hang with them anymore. In high school, it seemed that everyone already had an activity of their choosing, but all I liked to do was to surf the Internet. I did have some interests in middle school, but I got bored of them. I finally made another friend junior year, but he's busy a lot, so I only see him once every two weeks. Senior year was the worst. Everyone in my first hour first semester treated me nicely but they made fun of me on Facebook. When I found out and told them, they acted like they didn't care. I even saw one of the kids in that hour mocking me in the parking lot. I hated everyone in that class as a result except one person. Also, there was this girl there that I asked out, and then she ignored me. I actually hung out one sunday with another person during that time, but it was only once. I didn't hang with anyone during winter break. There was this girl I liked, but she just wouldn't reply to my emails, and her friend was making fun of me.

Second semester, I got to know some more people, and I discovered I liked building things, so I joined theater tech. Everyone there already had their inside jokes, so I tried to get to know the new freshmen, and they seemed ok, though the one I got to know really well pulled away at the last moment, as she didn't come to my open house. In third hour, I got to know some more people, but didn't do anything with them. The science center where I volunteer the cashier tried to get me to ask this girl out whos a year older than me. He then later said that I creeped her out, and I found out that he lied, but she wont talk to me. Everyone seemed to ignore me after that there, so I never came back, and don't really care. My mom planned an open house for me against my will, and all her friends came, and I could only bring two people. It made me angry. One of them ignores me when I contact him.

The worst part is that no one criticizes me upfront. I miss the days of straight talk. Some do it because they use me for their own interests, but it seems that everyone else wants to be "polite". If I'm causing trouble for them and don't know why, are they really going to let me cause trouble for them?? I feel like I have to reinvent the wheel. For instance, in my sixth hour this semester, there were these two girls complaining about me behind my back in the classroom out loud, and I was standing outside. I wanted to yell "SHUT UP!!!" And everyone says im annoying, even the freaks and nerds. I guess that this is because they have acquired power and a reputation.  There was no group of people that could see what high school really is, a popularity contest.

I later found what I did wrong socially, but I'm scared for college next year.  At least animals don't hate me.
cragftw3 cragftw3 16-17, M 3 Responses Aug 8, 2010

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Same thing happens to a lot of people they stop being friends with high school middle school and out grow their friends.. Ive been hurt many times by friends and even now as an adult i struggle with keeping good people around me the trouble usually was with my choices in friends were all not really healthy for me sometimes its better to face that loneliness and become strong on your own as I'm doing so when you do make a new friend and decide to trust again you can at least know what to avoid in them and how you react to them. good luck at least there's the animals your right they are far more trustworthy i love animals I'm vegan and i own 6 pets. animals have no reasons to be fake jealous rude mean .. those are just human emotions



Pros of being alone : you get the remote you get to pick your own music you can dance silly all around the house as a great workout. you can read with no distractions study with no excuses draw .learn an instrument have a pet and play with it. research things online and improve your weaknesses. im doing college allover again ..lol this time im going for my dreams

Cons: feeling lonely sadness giving in to depression. isolating becoming a person who has social anxiety.

try to keep a balance I'm trying good luck my lil friend cool to know where are people here who care for each other at a human level

That really sucks. I'm not really social either and I used to be made fun of a lot. But like serena says, college will be a new start for you. Try to bring some social confidence and make some friends that have something in common with you. Best of luck.

I'm sorry you've been having such a hard time but the good news is that college is a whole different world. It will be like a fresh new start. So if you think that you made social mistakes you have the chance to learn from them and do differently in college. You sound intelligent and you are obviously a reflective person. You will do fine in college.



But I am sorry for what you've gone through this year. People are hard on each other and don't give each other a chance. Especially in high school.