I've Never Been Good At Making Friends...

I recently turned 18 and finished school. All my friends are going off to university, but I'm going to Spain at the end of August to start a job. I won't know anyone there and I've always been shy, and I'm scared I'm going to spend the entire year lonely and homesick. I feel like I'm falling behind everyone I know. My boyfriend doesn't want to listen when I try to talk - he just wants an easy relationship, which is understandable. My mother, stepfather and brother have separated themselves from me. My father, who I love more than anyone in this world, is dying of terminal lung cancer, and I'm scared that my stepmum and stepsister won't want anything to do with me after he's gone. This will leave me with no close family. I'm so scared and feel so alone. I wish I was either happy with my own company or really good at making friends, but I'm so shy and awkward around new people. I feel boring and useless, and that there is nothing about me that anyone would find attractive or interesting. I suffer from depression, and I've tried to commit suicide a couple of times. The last time, my boyfriend found me. He's so angry at me. I just wish there was someone I could talk to, that was always there when I needed them and was never too busy.
BravoHart BravoHart
18-21, F
1 Response Aug 10, 2010

You have a lot going on in your life.So sad about your dad. I hope you find a way to over come your fears and have a great year in Spain.