The First

what is the first memory? the first one which i was aware of? was i happy?

i remember her.. she was my older sister, she was very young. she did something bad, my mom got angry. my sister cried.
i was very young, my mother was very frustrated, i was there. i cried.
where was my father? working, working. somebody had to put food on the table you know?!
nothing was ever good enough, nothing was good at all, nothing could ever satisfy the dark hollow soul.
she is my mother, why would she do this? how could she hurt me?
it hurts so bad! what did i do?? why do you hate me? im sorry! im sorry!!

i didn't do my homework, the math teacher called my house. i picked up the phone, i heard the teacher on the other end. fear. i hide in my room, between my desk and the wall. maybe she won't find me, maybe she will look for so long that she would forget why she was angry? she found me. pain. she threw things at me, and yelled .and yelled... i was crying a lot, she came back in my room after a while and laughed.. 'why are you crying?'

one day, it was sunny and we sat outside. summer breeze, a peaceful day. a crack in the silence - "do i hit you?" she asked.
BlueAyame BlueAyame
22-25, F
3 Responses Aug 11, 2010

thank you guys. your comments mean alot to me

when it is hard for mother to stand the home managment , the kids and the life itself , she becomes a monster , but at these times , she acts differently because she think it is the right thing to do at the moment , she doesn't mean to hate you at all , when you get older and have kids , you will understand , responsibilites all the time , the last thing parents hate to see their kids is when they do bad in education , education is the future of the kid , to stick with it with good grades makes a proper person with less problems at the end. she loves you both and she will until the end of life .

Don't know your age, but do know your experience. Love your mother WITH all of her limitations. Bond with your siblings. Ultimately, look into your own mirror and dvelop a deep appreciation for the beautiful person that you are. Get a copy of 'The Alchemist" author Paulo Coelho. Learn to read the omens in yoru own life and then OWN your life. Stay in touch...