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I Am So Lonely I Wan to Die.

I am 47 yrs old, never married and haven't had a relationship since 1988.  I have a difficult time meeting people in social situations, find it hard to keep a job and am sitting at home right now, Christmas Eve,alone watching TV.  I asked if I could work on Christmas day and Boxing Day so I could at least have somewhere to go as I have no plans to spend the days with anybody else.  I am not lonely because it's Christmas, rather, I am always lonely.  I don't know how much longer I can carry on without social contact, close friends and a sense of belonging.  Since my mother died in1979 I have never truly felt that I belong anywhere.  Even during my 10 years in the Air Force I always felt as though I wasn't wanted around.  My superiors continually derided me and my peers laughed at me and "pushed my buttons" in order to get a reaction from me.  I do have some friends however none of them live in the same town as I do.  One friend and his wife moved back to his hometown in Iowa; another friend moved from here to a town in British Columbia.  I'm still in touch with them but only by email, and not very often.
In the past I have joined bowling teams, or darts and things like that but have never been able to relate to anyone and form a lasting friendship.  What the heck is wrong with me?  I've become so needy that nobody wants to be with me.  The very thing I want - close friends and lasting, loving relationships - elude me because I am so needy. 
Can anybody tell me how to overcome this loneliness?  How can I find meaningful, trusting and loving relationships?  And how can I overcome this neediness I experience?
Julio1960 Julio1960 46-50, M 98 Responses Dec 24, 2007

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HI I know exactly how you feel, I have also never been able to connect, and I would use girlfriends like a Band-Aid for loneliness, until I excepted a couple of given facts.
1. I am different, and must learn to like my own company first enjoy being alone except it, and magically over time things changed they will never be like other people, never like in the movies, never like you would want it, but better.

I have a loving wife of 17years and a 12yr old son, my wife has a huge family that I love, and I still feel alone, but less.

I am 47 years old, had a miserable childhood, bur this is about you, and me and how I get by.

Some days I am very sad for no reason, I do not show my feeling in public and do nor cry openly.

Go for a walk people watch not "stalk" watch take yourself out on a date get to know yourself.

My wife thinks I am a total weirdo, and loves me

it's not easy, even I get lonely but I know what I don't want and need in my life either. I use to be social growing up, until I was 30. Then became somewhat of an introvert. I don't enjoy clubs, I don't drink really, I don't dance and what I really want to do which is hiking,climbing, traveling etc.. the men I've met only want sexual encounters when they decide or when they get shot down.

At first I wondered if I actually got any real benefit with their company. In the end, their attitude and arrogance sort of made it aggravating and insulting. Which is what I think they were going for.

I can't give you a cure but I'd like to thank you for posting. My story is very similar to yours. Inside I am extremely needy but I never show it to anyone. I'm so desperate for any sort of human interaction, just a smile from a stranger can help me through another painful day. Everyday for the 48 years of my life have been like this. I practice budhism and try to lead a healthy life, that's all. But frankly, I've resigned to the fact that there is no cure, just things that alleviate the pain..

Sorry I'm not more positive but I've lost hope...

hi r u there

Best way to overcome loneliness is to do something for someone else. Perhaps volunteer somewhere. Last Christmas we cooked for the volunteers that manned the phones at the distress centre. These people are volunteering their time on 24 hour clock. Volunteering helps you meet cool people, makes you feel great and helps others.. For this you will be blessed.

if you need a friend, I'm here

I can be your buddy :)

know how you feel, just recently been told my relationship of 14 years is now over, don't know what to do now

I want to know you... I'm Alma

Don't worry I'm married anf I feel the same way I don't have,any children I'm sorry how you feel but I feel the same way

I notice the date on this post was a while ago. Well, a long while. Hope things have been working out for you.

No solutions I haven't tried here or new ideas really. I know in my heart it is myself holding myself back but that has never made it any easier. Having been alone my entire life and never having had a girlfriend or anything has worn me down a bit and left me with no idea of where to even start meeting people nonetheless building friendships or even god forbid a relationship! O.O! No job, no career, not very much at all. So depressed most of the time that when last year I spent four months straight living on the streets of Portland I hardly even noticed the difference. Though granted that is by far the most homeless friendly town I've eveer stayed in!
end: @rant;

Hope you find a home. I'm not far off being on the street myself, I have been living off credit with no income for nine months now and my bubbles about to burst. But strangely I don't feel I will care, from townhouse to park bench, I'll probably be happier with the latter.

It eliminates the stress of trying to find work with all the competition out there just to cover all these things you can live without. Life is often a pain so hiding from reality( or submersing yourself in it ignoring society's reality depending on how you look at it) can be greatly beneficial.

For me it would remove all the stresses of having to pay for things, which I can't and stripping myself of everything as you say is okay by me too. ...and it would provide some friends (brothers in arms). BUT I know for many it would be a nightmare...

True enough the majority considers what you have to be "needs" instead of "wants". These are the people who complain about how bad everything is because it is so hard to live like that but refuse to change. I meet people like that all the time that can't understand how I live so cheap and travel the world while grossing less than 10K a year on average.

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Yes, I KNOW it's so effing hard!! I, too, am in such a similar situation. The more I need, the more people want to leave, and have left. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Everything seems surreal. I feel like I'm in some kind of video game where the object is to overcome the sadness and the lonliness. I feel like I'm the only one really here. Everything else is just some kind of virtual reality. How can you find comfort with nothingness?

Sometimes I try not thinking about it. Just taking those steps forward towards the end of this reality, of this game. Sometimes I try living in the moment, grasping at any fleeting feeling of anything resembling happiness, or grasping at those elusive wisps of unlonliness. This works for an instant or two.

And I feel that my only chance is to try to expand thses "instant or twos" into minutes, hours, days...

Yes, I, too, believe that this is an unfortunate human plague. But I hope that somehow, somewhere out there is relief - A SOLUTION!!

I think of these Buddhist types, who have come to a point where they can control their minds.

And I do have faith that with enough mind discipline I will be able to overcome the misery of lonliness.

I must relax. Let go. Let it go. Take a deep breath, breathe in positive feelings, and breathe out the misery and watch how it turns into positive energy as the universe absorbs it, and how I can then breathe in more positive energy.

I WILL LET IT GO. I hope. Someday. But I WILL KEEP ON TRYING!!

I feel you man :), I am scared from the very same thing, being lonely at the age of 40's I have no social skills at all. I am 23 years old and I work and study, the people I know are just my classmates and colleagues, they all have their own world that I can't be invited in for some reasons, and every girlfriend I had left me, feel so abandoned from everyone, I am a complicated person I understand that, but isn't there one person who accepts my complicated personality, TV and cinema are the only friend I have got left, but just when I go to bed, I hug my pillow so hard in pain of being on my own, and just when I wake up I feel the same pain again, but when I am in college or work, I feel better because they keep me busy. Every girl I had in my life left me for another guy, which makes me feel that there is something wrong with me, am I ugly, boring, stupid! What's wrong with me! I got so lonely that I didn't know what to do with my life, until I realized I should do anything just anything which is better than being lonely, I googled and came across of people who play soccor 3 days a week, so I decided to join them and luckily they've got a spot open for me, tonight is the first time I will see them and hopefully make friends with them. I know it won't make the loneliness and that needy person within me to vanish, but it is a start and it will make me less lonely and needy hopefully :). Sad for you and hope you'll find someone to make friends with and perhaps have a relationship with, a healthy one :). God bless you :)

Have you ever heard of Adult Children of Alcoholics? It's not only for the offspring of those who are addicted. They have taught me so much about opening up and trusting that I cannot express it! I finally have that safe place and it's showing in my now-numerous other relationships! Good luck with everything, I truly wish you the best!

Good idea. Hard to start in on those meetings. I'd better just go.

I feel the same way as you do. So lonely which makes me feel so needy. I fear it puts people off me, as most people have close relationships in their lives and so do not feel like me.

dude, you survived as a prev. airman..so you know what this takes to step up. remind yourself that the struggle isn't out there...the fight is within... confidence attracts.

You see people are born alone live alone and die alone thats is sad but true that is sad condtion in the human existance

I am lonely. I am smart, funny, my students love me, but I don't have any close friends. Ever since my divorce I have not been able to get back into the swing of things, to develop friendships, to find a woman to be my partner.. How do you meet people anyway? I thought I would meet and befriend colleagues but its all superficial and everyone is in their own world.

I know what you mean ab out being lonely. I always thought I would have someone after my kids had grown but that wasn't meant to be

Hello Julio and other very lonely men out there... Can we please know and meet each other... Maybe we can find happiness from each other who knows exactly how it feels and needs the same happiness....

I'm Alma.

My fiancé chose to leave me 3 days before we were to be married. He was my best friend..the love of my life..I know I should move on but I'm alone with my pain and memories daily and I can't forget. I try to hate him for tearing my heart out but mostly I cry..and wish for death. I don't want to live anymore and it's not just because he left its also because I feel so alone.. I work alone, come home alone.. I can't watch tv because it hurts to see happy couples, married couples, friends comforting one another..I don't sleep much at night because I dream of him and jerk awake to find myself alone. I use to have friends but I gave them up for him..I'm just tired of this ache inside me, I'm tired of my eyes burning from tears and I wonder how much can one person cry..they say you can die of a broken heart that the intense stress and pain can cause heart failure ..why not me? I can't imagine life without him.. My future was plans with him..I am 44, old enough to know there is no such thing as fairy tails but with him I believed. I keep praying for the nerve to end it..to stop the pain..the loneliness ..I feel for all of you and wish you all a brighter day

Man, if you can take a vacation far far away...something with meaning, like taking care of orphans (if you like that). Something to get you out completely of your world and into a new one that is completely foreign. That helps me.

Sometimes that's "just life". I have prayed all of my life for a "sense of belonging/inclusion". The seed of lonliness is inside of me. The thing I pray for is for the purging of that feeling of being alone even in a room with 3500 people in it. I am faithful that the God in whom I believe has the ability to do that, and He will in His good and perfect timing. I trust in His Perfect Plan for me, and the fact, since the feeling of lonliness is still there, that God is allowing it to remain for a Higher Purpose that I cannot see. God sees the whole picture and someday I will understand "Why?" Embrace the lonliness and find a quiet place to hear the Voice of God revealing His Goodness for us all. Blessings, Wisdom, and Insight on your journey. K, age 64, Florida

You are so encouraging person. You have an important gift from God, to encourage people. All of us feel sometimes loneliness. When we know God, we will go "to find a quiet place to hear the Voice of God", and even we think we are lonely, we are not, because we have the God's power to encourage others, and us.

Well 5 years have passed since you wrote this. Has anything changed??

Wow!!! I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but I see there are a lot others out there just like me....My story is similar to some..I am an attractive 42 year old that seems to attract the wrong kind of people in my life. I am not someone who asks for much, but please be honest with me..I went from having 4 or 5 close friends to 0. These were people I trusted and knew they would have my back...Boy was I wrong!!! I am single and childless and seem to attract men that are either married or just not the settling down type...Let me just get to the point...All my so called friends abandon me, the men I dealt with was only out for one thing, and I have no social life..I don't have a social life, it's just work and home for me...I have become so complacent in this everyday routine, that I feel like my life is passing me by. I am afraid of meeting new people or making new friends because of my wall being so hard to knock down...Been hurt numerous times that I rather be by myself at time, but still yearn for someone to be in my life...Anyhoo, I pray for all on this post who are going through the same thing, but as I was told, it gets greater later...God bless each and everyone of you

I understand so much xxx

I hate that feeling that life just passed me by.

Me, too.

I believe many experience the same lonely path because our society has designed close relationships out. Do not let the corporatists win! Think of small tribal bands...they are all incredibly close. Where can you find that? Probably not in America.

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just simply don't try so hard make it look as if you really don't care one way or the other if they come out with you or not but most important is you must listen to them let them do most of the talking and seem interested even if you are not sometimes stop them and refer back to something a little earlier that connects with the present conversation just to make them feel happy you are listening and are interested believe me this tactic works
then take them somewhere nice for dinner not to posh though then on to the cinema or a dance finally ask if she would like to come back to yours for a coffee or something but don't be surprised if she says no take her home hold hands and kiss gently on the lips then if they respond move in for the big snog and ask if she would like to come out with you again
she will probably say yes so tell her tomorrow is good for you and you never know she may invite you in to her place for that hmmmm coffee of course ha ha good luck

Wow do i also know what this sick disease to be alone is i have 9 brothers and sisters and am still alone i recently moved back to toronto to be with my mom before she passed and after she died well you can imagine.. I think my disease started after i lost my girlfriend who lived with me for 4 years and through a lot of stupid moves on my part she moved out so from there i moved to another country only to be even more alone ..I finaly did move back to toronto but wow i cant take it anymore it is eating at my guts i quit smoking pot dont drink workout a lot i am told by many women i am a very handsome man but i just dont go out since my girlfriend left me over 2 years ago i have not had another .. I even started drinking by myself at night in my room just to stop feeling this way.. I cant seem to hold down a job i find myself constantly depressed and it just hurts so much.. Sometime i just break into a good cry and dont even know why maybe i feel sorry for myself i try to listen to motivational stuff and maybe for a few seconds it works but then i am alone again .. I have considered suicide more then once but just dont think i have the courage and that also sucks .. I want to stop feeling like this and join the normal happy world i want to laugh i want to smile but when i do i feel guilty asking myself why do you laugh or smile? you have no right to you are depressed so stay like that because thats who you are.. But no its not who i am i am told i am a very funny person i love to make people laugh as a matter of fact that is always my way of breaking the ice with humor but at the end of the day i find myself coming back home to my lonely room closing the door and then it starts again it creeps back into my body and says ok so where have you been all day? i have been waiting for you so start feeling depressed again i missed you.. And then bam there i am again alone!!!!!

Maybe you are better now. If not, doesn't Canada have univ health? Thus, can you go to a therapist? Lord knows I need one, but it is too expensive in the U.S., even with health insurance.

I am lonely, but I am a BELIEVER…that everything happens for a reason. Every single life has its precise personal scenario; every minute of our lives has its meaning. We have chosen this path (what I was thinking about?! ha) to LEARN. Some people are better at math, some are good at art. We have a weakness in the area of SELF( don't mistake it with ego)<br />
Someone told me that in order to UNDERSTAND anything ( other living thing, idea, …and love) one has to become IT. This is an experience of loneliness; no more no less. The good news are when you have learnt what you were supposed to, it will be over! Everyone has its own way how to accomplish this task. When you are ready, everything will happen naturally. So, please, look deep inside yourself and search, search for the answer. The answer/ solution always has been there waiting for you. Loneliness is an opportunity to spend time with your SELF. I don’t like to project, but my guess it is to learn how to be happy on its own (means that source of happiness is always internal); to love ourselves like that special one would love us (or loves us); look at yourself the way God look at us – with UNCONDITIONAL love.<br />
Of course, such changes can't be forced, they gradually occur in a proper time. Think about it as a rehab for your soul, and that imagined solution (mate) is a very addictive, potent drug... <br />
I wish everyone to get well soon!

maybe u need a therapist:(? i have a friend with a depression disorder, he asked me what i should do and now im in the same situation!!! im sorry if this is the wrong info i didnt read alll of it becaus its too long(T_T) but im lonely and in social encounters my mind blanks out for some reason! so we're alike in a way. conatct an old friend. if you cant i'll be your friend:) but wat i do is not think of it, i always say to myself that theres always gonna be a better future and evantually it will come true. i just have to wait or make it happen. just smile sometimes, laugh. you make your choice to Wait or Keep Trying. im wishing you the best of luck buddy!

i am right here with you all. i understand exactly what it's like. lately i wonder if i'm going to just fall over and die, due to the loneliness i feel. i really feel that my job and life expenses (mostly rent), are the INVISIBLE first wave of attackers. When i have to spend more than half of my waking day worrying about this tangled mess of survival that has become the norm, i don't have any time or energy left over to even try to build any relationships. i only ever rent apartments because i'm afraid that a house would own me. i want a girlfriend so bad, but i feel like i am defficient in my ability to share what little energy i would have with her. if she was in the same boat as me, we would understand the situation "of life" and i honestly believe that a spark in our lives would start up again. How can i find this girl though? Why can their be these helpful groups online, but not in real life? we could all go play paintball together. for now though, i have trained myself to look at life as sort of a video game. the point of the game is to try and become a billionaire. for no other reason other than to keep my mind occupied. it helps a bit, but i'd still rather go play paintball with you all, and meet a girlfriend out of this group. thanks for listening. gotta go. need to find some POWER-UPS. litterally. My battery is about dead. ha.

I can relate to a lot of this... may not help you but at least you know you're not the only one who feels this way.

i'm 29 this 26th of august<br />
i work so hard every day for my family and i also have a girlfriend,do you think it's perfect right ?<br />
but actually my girlfriend never really care about me she just care when she needs me like now she just leave me with no news from her from her for 2 weeks.meanwhile i do miss her and i do really love her.can i find my true love to accompany me until i die ?<br />
i do need some one who really care for me and spend sometimes with me.even just sit together doin nothin but let me feel that you there for me and you understand how lonely i am inside .so sa

Didn't realize that there's so many lonely people out there. I always thought that I am the only loner.

I am 36 and alone. I have a job and family but they all live quite a distance away. I dont think people like me and I have never been good at making or keeping friends. So no after the end of one of the happiest relationships I have yet had I sit alone in a motel for the second month. I go to work come here go to work come here. I dont know how much more of this I can take, my life has become a hellish Groundhogs Day, the same dreadful day over and over again I slip further through to nonexistance.

I can relate to the lonliness. I know the main thing is to stay busy. Helping others helps. I have really struggled with this since the divorce (that I did not want) and my ex-wife turning my only child against me. However, I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and seek God because I know he is the true, and real, answer.

and I feel your pain brother getting old is for *******

Hey give me a call you wont be lonly again2147302829

I feel lonely... and I don't know why.<br />
I've been told i'm beautiful, I know i'm smart, I have had boyfriends and lovers, I make friends easily but I am missing something.. some one that truely loves me. I feel like everytime I meet a guy something goes wrong and we break up. All my friends are either in steady relationships, getting married or have kids and I feel like i'm in a rut. Doing my Masters Degree has given something to focus on other than the loneliness I feel until I met John. And we were friends for almost a year, I fell in love and it was devastating to find out he had a girlfriend who he loves back in his homeland. <br />
<br />
I thought I could handle being with him, knowing that he would never see me the same way, but I can't handle it. I need more than physical affection, more than sex I need someone that I could call mine, some one that I could see myself being with forever, I want to fall in love with the right man, the one that is meant for me, I don't want to feel this way anymore, I don't want to hurt like this anymore.<br />
<br />
I pray all of you and I find that special someone that we've been waiting for...

There are meetup groups that has given me opportunity to meet and be with other people. 100's of meetup groups. Search and you'll see. May give some comfort.

To this lonely lady -hope things have changed in some way for you. I'm a single bloke and you have described my situation almost to a tee. Its all I can do to put up with just going through the motions at times. If you are still there, I do believe that you like me, have a clinical depression. Its no answer I know, but it must be the only reason. Good luck anyway.

I had a best friend for 7 years..she met a bf and dumped me...i had a male best friend for 10 years, he told me he liked me, i didnt like him, he dumped me. My boss then became my best friend for 5 years, she seduced my other friend's husband and i had to dump her. My colleague then became my best friend for 3 years, he betrayed me and we aint friends no more. I feel so tired ...so lonely..but do i really want to let some one in my life again?

in all circumstances thank God. He knew all about your loneliness even before he formed you in your dead mom's womb. while elisha's servant thought they were outnumbered by their enemies, God opened the servant's eyes: thousands and thousands of God's angels were surrounding Elisha and his servant. thank God and DEMAND an EXPLANATION from HIM. Test God and YOU'LL discover that He is GOOD.

Shoot yourself. You are a miserable individual. You are just taking us space for a productive person. I say GOOD BYE TO YOU.........

Jesus IS HERE!!!!! For all of you!!!!!!!!!!! Accept him into your heart and you will never be alone!!!!! Please do this!!! Because he loves you!!!!

Go white water rafting and I promise you will never be lonely again!!! Just HAVE FUN!! Best of luck!

Oh - I guess I felt I was the only one to feel such gut wrenching loneliness - turns out Im wrong.<br />
I wish I knew the reason why some of us have to go through this. Mine started with my divorce (not my choice) and just got worse from there plus then I got anxiety disorder and that made me want to stay home all the time- my friends drifted away or stayed in touch with my ex husband and not me.<br />
I have a big family but they're all busy with their own lives etc and many of them do not live closeby.<br />
<br />
I have a wonderful daugher who is almost 22 but she's very busy and I only see her once a week at most - I know she loves me and I am happy her life is wonderful but it doesn't stop me from feeling so sad.<br />
<br />
I love someone who lives interstate and he has the same feelings but he has just come out of a really traumatic marriage and I have thought it unwise to start a new relationship at this stage - he needs to learn to be happy alone first and no argument from him on that - maybe I did want him to argue about it? To insist that we would be better together? <br />
<br />
I still suffer anxiety with many physical disabling effects from it and this makes it hard to go places also. Sometimes I am so lonely I just cry the most horrendous tears that go on and on - sometimes I feel a bit "cleansed" after these tears but mostly it makes me feel worse.<br />
<br />
The one thing that has happened from this experience is it has drawn me much closer to God. And for that I must be grateful. I was raised Christian but had backslidden and this loneliness and trouble in my life made me turn back to Him. When it all becomes too much I grab my Bible and read some sc<x>ripture or I pray.<br />
<br />
I hope that everybody here finds happiness in life. Company, laughter and socialising are surely not too much to ask for.<br />
<br />
Hugs to you all, SB

I am a hard barstard who does not show many personal emotions<br />
there is little left for me in my life <br />
I thought I had it bad<br />
reading the stories here<br />
I cried the first time in years<br />
not for me but for you

I hope you will feel better. Just wanted to tell you that God is always with you. He will never leave you nor forsake you. he loves you and cares for you. ask God for help, Jesus Christ will always help you. God bless you...

Hi All, <br />
<br />
I'm new to this thread and a bit late. I'm lonely a lot - despite being happily married. Part of it is that I don't have kids and I'm unemployed now + was free-lancing before that. -I'm not in the normal work world + everyone's suddenly busy raising families. My birth family is gone and, like a lot of people here, I really miss my mother. <br />
<br />
Anyway, love to all of you. Improvement to all of you. We should all keep trying. -It's such a waste that we can't, like, form a real-life club and help each other out w/ in-person company. <br />
<br />
Tribeswoman: I loved your post. I'm in a similar boat to you - long married + I'm happy in it but I'm still lonely a lot. <br />
<br />
Thanks to everyone who posted here; I am less lonely tonight just by reading your posts and knowing that I'm not the only one. (I arrived here by typing "I'm so lonely" into Google. -And saw that I'm not the first to do that!)<br />
<br />
Hang in there and join stuff, you guys!<br />
Love,<br />
jooleeuh

I know how you feel. I am 29 and moved to US when i was 21, since that my life just changed dramatically. I was very social back in my country and could never thought that one day i was gonna end up living completely alone here. I have no relationship or any type of social life here ( i live in suburbs ). All i do is just work and home scene. I tried to go out alone few times , but it just feels so uncomfortable over there, everyone looks at you as if you got some issues or you are just a weirdo. Its very tough and i really don't know whats the solution to this problem. Our society is just so cold, no one really even needs you.

There is so much I want to comment on here as I can relate to a lot of things on here.<br />
<br />
It's ironic that people don't understand that as humans, we have certain needs. When they're not met, and it wears on us, it becomes a reason to shun us and fuel the very thing that ails us to begin with. That's yet another reason why I get into modes where I dislike people in general.<br />
<br />
Other than that, there are so many things on the story here and replies I'd like to comment on but don't know where to start.

I get depressed cuz I got no family and friends I connect with always move away, Don't give up. U r never alone as bad as u feel. You could try joining a church, there are some open 2 all faiths. It beats being home depressed, relationships take time. @ least u work.

You are not your past- You are not your experiences. you are not what you think you are – (see the six entities on you tube). All the lonely parts of yourself do not own you , they are just what you have been feeding by your focus on them. You have the same life force flowing through your body that every body else has. If anyone is happy so you can be too. Don't ever talk about what you "don't " want ever again. Don't even talk about what you "do " want , that just said you don't have it yet. You know how when someone who is positive sees something they want and they exclaim " That is mine! " Then they get it., They don't say ' I don’t have it yet, they say “That is mine!” - like they know so much that it is there’s already, that is how you have to be with the exciting life you are already creating for yourself by asking this question. Every thought you think is either going to feed your sadness or feed your happiness. notice every time you think a thought if you feel better or you feel worse. then train yourself to think better and better thoughts, What you get yourself to believe you will live in. You create your own experience, create one you can feel proud, grateful and excited about. I wish you joy, peace, love and contentment. It is up to you.

You are not your past- You are not your experiences. you are not what you think you are – (see the six entities on you tube). All the lonely parts of yourself do not own you , they are just what you have been feeding by your focus on them. You have the same life force flowing through your body that every body else has. If anyone is happy so you can be too. Don't ever talk about what you "don't " want ever again. Don't even talk about what you "do " want , that just said you don't have it yet. You know how when someone who is positive sees something they want and they exclaim " That is mine! " Then they get it., They don't say ' I don’t have it yet, they say “That is mine!” - like they know so much that it is there’s already, that is how you have to be with the exciting life you are already creating for yourself by asking this question. Every thought you think is either going to feed your sadness or feed your happiness. notice every time you think a thought if you feel better or you feel worse. then train yourself to think better and better thoughts, What you get yourself to believe you will live in. You create your own experience, create one you can feel proud, grateful and excited about. I wish you joy, peace, love and contentment. It is up to you.

I am in the same lonely boat. Its depressing and madening at times because you have absolutely nobody to talk to when you need someone to talk to the most. Sometimes I die inside because I want a friend, a true friend, that I can call anytime without feeling like I am bothering them and a friend who reaches out to me. However, I do not have that. I have one friend that makes it known not to bother her too much. I have to ask her if she is busy to talk and most of the time she will say yes and I will not push it and say "ok give me a call when your not busy" and of course I never get a call back. It leaves so much anger in me that I just allow people to treat me like that. I let so many people walk all over me that I get so angry when I realize it I feel like freaking out. I am angry at myself for letting people just walk all over me just so I have someone to talk too. Thats how lonely I get that I allow people to treat me badly. I think the reason why people like us dont have friends or close relationships with anybody is because we never put in the effort like other people do. This is just my opinion but I believe people who have a lot of friends put in A LOT OF WORK, TIME and EFFORT to have these relationships. Where as people like us, the one's who have no friends, never put that much effort into making relationships for whatever reason and by the time we realize it, it is too late. Or sometimes people like me moved around so much when they were kids , they just couldn't hold onto friends. Usually you make your friends , especially long time friends, is when you are young like in elementry, highschool and college. After that your chances are pretty much nilch. If your an adult trying to make friends, you have to put a lot of time into getting to be in the inside circle. You gotta do a lot of *** kissing, agreeing, and whatever else you need to do to become a good friend of someones and then once your in, you can relax and be yourself. But the chances of you getting in are pretty low and you would have done all that work for nothing which could be a crushing blow to your already fragile self-esteem. I dont know. I am still trying to figure myself out. I am a 30 year old single mom. I am in such a bad place in my life. Absolutely no friends. I dunno. Stay strong. They are some benefits to not having any friends or family. I mean its always nice to have them but they are some benefits like .....you can always be yourself, you dont have to be let down by friends, you dont have to change who you are just to be in the popular crowd, etc..etc...i mean there a little benefits to it but i hope one day the misery will be over.

I understand everything you are saying. I know you wrote this well over a year ago and i hope everything for you has gotten better.
I myself, am 40 and never had a relationship with a woman. Partly because i keep falling in love with women i cannot have. They are usually married or just all together wrong for me. I cant seem to get out of this stupid rut and i know if i dont change, i will end up alone forever. I dont know why i chose your post to write in, it just seems like alot of what you said struck a chord with me and my life. Its hard to make friends sometimes because i dont know who to trust, whos gonna stick around and be willing to listen to what i have to say without judging me.

I accidentaly (short of) found this page & ur story.I hope things have changed for u & for all the rest of the people who shared a similar experience. I m not even 30 but i have experienced feelings like this but i never drown in them.I don t know how i escaped then , but what i know now , i m about to share it. First of all u need to know that everybody & i mean it everybody experience loneliness sometimes in their lives.Even those who seem to be very popular.<br />
What u really need to do (if anyone feels like to use an advise) is to THROW AWAY all these thoughts about beeing lonely!they r the killers of ur sensitive heart. Because when u r alone u have plenty time to think anything, especially the people who r not with u & those who suppose to think about u etc i m sure u know what i m talkin about.! DO NOT TRY to hang on people u think u might have a nice company with. they might not work for u.<br />
Start a new activity , a social one f.ex dancing! or somethin u always wanted to learn or do! Avoid any kind of groups that remind u , ur loneliness (i mean single's groups etc) because the basic topic u will be talkin about is how lonely u have been!! not helpful at all!<br />
personally i ve taken salsa dancing classes & i have been attenting in many parties & events not just in my area but abroad too!! all of a sudden i met sooooo many & different to each other people ,my life changed & more important my social behaviour & life did too. And again this is what u need to change ur way of thinking without trying to be someone else. u keep it simple u always make nice jokes for urself (not all the time) to the others & u ll see the atmosphaire will feel lighter.The point is to have the will & really make moves to escape from ur own prison.It is quite difficult if u have been closed to urself to get out of.<br />
Sorry about my english , it was bad a few times i m not sure wich ones but i hope u got my point if anyone got interested in reading my comment ,since the original post is 4years old...

Man i read your post, and i kinda felt bad, but listen, in times like this, get out a bottle of JD and pour it over some ice. <br />
Get a few call girls over, make the bang boom, and you will feel great for the next 2 or 3 months.<br />
When you feel lonely again, just repeat.

handle it your not alone.

i would say one thing, life is beautiful if you see that way. Just give up what you are doing now and start over with a fresh spirit and be positive.

I feel for all of of you... shame there's no real way to communicate... I ended up here because I typed "I'm so lonely" into a search engine. I'm 47, married, no kids. Without dogging my husband, I'd have to say it's probably just the way of marriage. I remember telling my mother (when I was single) that she couldn't imagine being being so lonely . She spurted out at me "You don't think that after 35 years of marriage that I don't know what loneliness is?!"<br />
<br />
To church24 - I'm with one of the most decent and moral men I've ever met, and I didn't exactly respond immediately when we first met. Keep being decent and some lucky girl will open her eyes someday and see how great you really are. <br />
<br />
To Julio1960 - God I feel you... I have alot of the same "just not fitting in" anywhere thing going on.<br />
<br />
To all the desperate, lonely people on here - I hope you've made it through. Pray - even if you don't believe. It's our last refuge.<br />
<br />
Me - We moved to a tiny, bible-belt town. The people here are salt-of-the-earth - as long as they don't know that I am a messianic Jew, have a shameful past, and am really a damn Yankee ;-) Can't really make friends at that point, only acquaintances.

Hi, all, I am a newlie here...I never thought I would join a support group that is for being lonely...I had a wonderful man, then, I got trapped into a long lasting law suit that drove this man away from me...I lost all my money in the legal matters, no job, middle-aged, what's wrong with all of us??? We are decent people, we don't deserve this kind of sadness. I miss the closeness of my relationship, I miss coming home seeing his car and having casual conversation with him, and I miss being with people in general. I don't need phony friends. I only have very few close friends, that's enough for me. I know they are genuinely care for me, but they don't live near me. I hope and pray something wonderful is happening to all of us here in this group. We deserve a good life just like anyone else.

Watchtower?!!?! are you fricking serious. you are a missioner, you are a jahova withness thing. omg... stop messing with sad people for your benefits.

What is it? That feeling that we are searching for.. Is to feel like we belong in a society where there is a greeting card to all our feelings.<br />
<br />
I have always felt like the outsider, it doesn’t get any better as I get older .. I lost most of my friends, and I just broke up with my boyfriend. I feel so disconnected from my family. I don’t think I will ever feel like I belong here.. I feel so alone, no matter what I do I still feel lonely and depressed.

I am 52 years old and after 28 years of marriage my ex said it was not working so we ended it. Kids moved away and I am by myself. All my friends have families and I am alone most times. I agree it is hard to meet people and for me I do not trust very easily. I keep busy with other things that I like doing. Some days are hard like today I am totally depressed.

AGryX is right. <br />
The only way out of all this "poor me, I'm so lonely" stuff is to start looking around you and helping other people. And not just the ones who can give you something back, either. Stop thinking "what's in it for me" all the time. There's nothing so unattractive as self-pity.

just go crazy...it sounds like you are too shy and you think too much..You think yourself out of doing the things that you like to do....Me...i was in the Army...I went crazy..I drank a lot...slept with many women..went to Iraq..went to Korea..made some money...Now I am going to buy a motorcycle..A really fast one and I might die on it but I am living my life..I still get drunk a lot..still sleep with random women ohh and I get in a lot of fights....W G A F right? Just go crazy.

What you need to do is find sombody more needy than you, and through helping them, help yourself.

What you need to do is find sombody more needy than you, and through helping them, help yourself.

What you need to do is find sombody more needy than you, and through helping them, help yourself.

HI<br />
everyone here i think i can help u all dealing with these problems .. kindly conatct me on this id indian_beauties@hotmail.com

By the looks of it you are not the only one who is lonely. Many people have the same problem. It would be nice if a community was formed for people like us so that we could make it a better world to live in but employment and economics play too big a part in this country to let that happen, <br />
<br />
To KAM1975 that said that she wanted to date but you think that you are ugly and fat, well if that is you in that picture you have posted then you must be blind because I don't think that you are either one. I mean come one, look at you. I consider a person to fat when they look round or have rolls of fat hanging off their body (like me). I would love to be a skinny as you. <br />
<br />
I'm a 40 year old man and divorced after an 11 year mistake. I have no children but always wanted some and now I fear it's too late. <br />
I have RSD (reflex sympathetic dystrophy) and it's a nerve disorder that causes a fire like burning pain straight from the belly of hell. The solution to that was a pain pump implant with narcotics. Now, finally 9 years later my RSD has went into remission and I truly thank God for that. The only problem now is that the narcotic pain pump has caused my body to slow way down making testosterone so now I have low T. Medicare won't pay for any of it so out of pocket expense for my manhood. I'm getting that under control though. The part that I hated the most is that because of the low T my body fat sky rocketed to a blistering 350 pounds. It was like my body gut went out and then down in a matter of 6 weeks and I wasn't hardly eating anything but yet I gained 100 pounds! <br />
Then to make matters worse I joined a gym and went religiously for 2 hours a day for almost 5 months and I ate nothing but grilled chicken salad. However I only lost 15 pounds!<br />
It turns out without testosterone in your body you can't lose much weight period.<br />
<br />
Now I have to realign my dedication and get on the medifast program because I have to go back driving an 18 wheeler again. I'm so lonely and the friends I do have aren't really friends but more like acquaintances or coworkers from the past.<br />
<br />
I have to go now but I want you all to know that you aren't alone that many of us are in the same situation. All we can do is try to keep out chins up and strive to better ourselves.

A lot was buzzing around in my head when i was reading your post. I am sort of in the same boat, I have never really had a girlfriend and never even been sexual with anyone even. It's not because I am a bad guy or anything, I tend to stay away from stuff like that. I was a football pla<x>yer all through highschool, started running back since my sophomore year. I had good looks and definitely a good body because of the demanding workouts from football. I wasn't a **** to anyone and I was constantly helping people out. I got amazing grades and made principals list every quarter. Now im in college, i gave up sports but continued working out and I still make terrific grades. I have a lot going for me, except for the one fact that no girl will even give me the time of day. it makes no sense...I have worked really hard to be such a good guy and come to find out, it doesnt matter. girls go for the jerks and douchebags in todays generation and leaves the good guys out to dry. i will most likely die a virgin but i would rather be alone than spend my time with some of the girls that i have come across.

I used to get moments of loneliness before, yes, but never this bad. I left a wonderful man I had been with for ten years for some guy I met off the internet and I cannot seem to break up with him. He is has been childish, manipulative, controlling, I went to him and it got so bad I ended up cutting my wrists. He made me feel awful for having friends online, for being friends with my ex, for many things that made me ME. Now I've become like him and he is avoiding me the same way I used to avoid him.<br />
<br />
"I want you all by myself" and when he finally got what he wanted, he is no longer as attentive. Now all the same people are around me but it seems I have changed. Something died inside of me and I'm very lonely. I tried talking to him about it and he said i was overreacting.<br />
<br />
I can't get rid of the constant pain on my left side, I feel like the life force has been sucked out of me, I just go through the motions of things, and i'm starting to be really hardboiled about many things. I want to sleep and never wake up. <br />
<br />
I thought I was lonely before but look at me now. I have a boyfriend, I'm busy with many things, I have so called friends, but it's as if everything is a mile away now. I think I snapped and lost it a few weeks back.

I am 26- and so lonely. I've had cancer- three different kinds, I am better now but my hair wont grow back and I am fat from years and years of no energy and laying in a hospital bed. my brain cancer took out my short term memory and most of the function in my left hand. even now i am typing with one hand nobody wants me anymore. im almost useless in the work market. my knee caps are fracturing and it is hard to walk a lot of the time. the only person who understood me died from leukemia. i wish i could trade places with her. i cant stop crying. i cant afford to move out of my parents house.i feel like i cant breathe and my chest hurts so bad from the ache of loneliness- like it will just cave in. I think of ways i can kill myself but i know i cant because its so disrespectful to all the people who fought to keep me alive and my friend who died. and i sometimes ask god if he will please be merciful and just take me but i get no answer. i dont know what i did wrong but it must have been something bad. im not strong enough for this cruel punishment and im ashamed for feeling so bad when the are others living with much worse lives than me.

I also am lonely and what is hard is I love another who loves me but not in the way I want.<br />
I think a partial solution to all of our common problem is for all of us to come together, beginning here.<br />
How do you guy;s and gal,s feel. <br />
<br />
A Friend

Yes, I like the idea and we could meet for tea and good conversation.

I am 37 years old, I would say I am a good looking guy but I am sooo lonely. I have a kind, caring, funny personality but it doesn't matter...I haven't had a girlfriend in about 15 years. I no longer have much self esteem anymore. I literally have conversations with myself! I know I would make a great boyfriend/husband. I used to go out with all the prettiest girls when I was younger and now nothing...I don't meet any women because I won't go out alone and I feel that the "best years of my life" are wasted. I want a female companion! Someone to do things with.

Hi, I see your message was posted 4-and-a-half years ago, so maybe you're not single anymore. I'm a 43-year-old woman, so we're about the same age. I'm a non-traditional college student, and I'm also lonely. I hope you find someone caring and compatible to do things with. Have you tried reading the Bible? It helps me. I wish you all the best. : )

i am so lonely.my family and my friends are so so far.i have just my baby girl with me.i need someboday to tolk with,i need that someboday to hug me and i need someboday to love me.i dont want live any more i hate this world.i live just for my baby she is everythink what i have now.i no she needs me and i need her too.i need hellp.<br />
sorry my speling is not good.

i am so lonely.my family and my friends are so so far.i have just my baby girl with me.i need someboday to tolk with,i need that someboday to hug me and i need someboday to love me.i dont want live any more i hate this world.i live just for my baby she is everythink what i have now.i no she needs me and i need her too.i need hellp.<br />
sorry my speling is not good.

to have been sitting here and to ahve googled "Im so lonely" I hate that this is where I am. I hatge being alone, I just hate it. I have dated but since my move to Loveland, nothing. I hate my life but love my kids..that is the only reason I am here. For them. Life sucks adn I couldnt have ever have dreamed this is the life Godf provided for me. I hope my next isnt so lonley.

Have you told him how you feel Lou?

I have been married for 56 years and I feel so lonely I don't know what to do. We don't have children or family close by. He hardly talks to me, gets hateful, has never been affectionate. Just doesn't show love to me at all. I love him and want him to be with me more years, but it is hard.

And these things apply to everyone.<br />
<br />
Everyone makes THEIR OWN happiness. As hard as it sounds to believe...every single one of us can be very happy people as single people this is what we need to strive to achieve, not to dwell on it but revel in it. Relationships can be a LOT of problems, just because you find someone it doesn't mean it's going to work out, they can be more hassle than happiness...<br />
<br />
We often think that if someone came along it would solve all out problems but it doesn't really... it solves one problem often temporarily, but our attitudes, work, health, education, spirituality, generosity, etc, etc, these are still INDIVIDUAL things we need to work on that a relationship can't solve, we need to better ourselves, make ouselves the best person we can be.<br />
<br />
And don't feel there's no purpose for you, there's always a purpose! There's always millions of people around the world that need your help, in poor countries, in your country, in your street even... everyone needs someone and not just in a romantic way, just even as a friend, the old lady that her joints are aching her and she wants some food at the shop and has to struggle all the way there to get it but would rather die than continue to live with such pain... some single person with no commitments in terms of children to run to this club that club, their friends house, collect from school etc., they can go help her...<br />
<br />
<br />
Singleness=opportunity =less stress, think of the positives!! Find a purpose!

Aww Agirlsdreamsoulmate don't worry hun ~hugs~<br />
<br />
You feel like that now but you won't always feel that way.<br />
<br />
The best thing to do when you feel this way, when you're craving someone to love is to not focus on it because you just spiral downwards. Worrying about something doesn't make it better, doesn't solve the problem.<br />
<br />
Do things that make you happy, think of other things you want to do want to achieve that will make you happy and do them, you'll be so busy enjoying these things and trying to achieve your goals you won't have any time at all to dwell on the fact that you're single.<br />
<br />
I know exactly how you feel about that though. I won't tell my story now it's depressing and I'm trying to keep this upbeat but I know how you feel and I feel very lonely too sometimes but preventing yourself from dwelling on it makes you feel much better.<br />
<br />
You must have SOME friends, you can talk to them about things that aren't personal, just general, hi how are you and about things you have in common and build up a friendship from there, in time you'll have someone to talk to that you'll feel comfortable about telling personal stuff.<br />
<br />
Honestly, about girls and knowing how to speak to them...WE ARE ALL HUMAN. Girls worry about how to talk to boys and boys worry about how to talk to girls but all you have to do is talk to them how you'd want to be spoken to...to take your time, be relaxed and just talk about whatever comes to mind at the time, don't try to impress them, don't try to be anything you're not because that's an act you'd always have to keep having to maintain and that will make you feel more uncomfortable. Just relax that's what you should tell yourself if you want to talk to a girl, keep telling yourself to relax and the rest will come :)<br />
<br />
<br />
People's fears about other people are usually mostly in their mind. I used to get anxious about meeting new people and talking to people but...it's usually just the fear that they'll think you're boring and dull and stupid etc etc but generally people aren't thinking any of that, we build up the negativity in our minds but the key is to NOT think about it, just go and just talk. You genuinely have nothing to worry about.<br />
<br />
You have no-one to impress, nothing to live up to, if someone's never met you before how can they expect you to be absolutely amazing and funny etc etc, you just take people as you meet them, once you KNOW them then you can judge.<br />
<br />
Honestly, a lot of people have the same fear as you, so let's all just relax and be ourselves, people and girlfriends, boyfriends etc...all we all want is someone real, so if everyone would just be themselves and stop worrying about trying to impress people it would make everything a whole lot easier and more comfortable.<br />
<br />
Make-up, pretty clothes, pretty hair, etc, etc it doesn't matter at all...some guys go for girls that are all over-done, got the latest clothes, are clearly in love with themselves, fake nails, expensive bag etc etc, but what is all of that trying to hide? If anything that tells you that girl in insecure that she feels the NEED to look so commercial and how the media try to make people look.<br />
<br />
<br />
The girl walking down the street in a pair of jeans and a pretty top, that's the girl who is comfortable with who she is...(but would probably look just as drop-dead gorgeous if she was going out someone and did get all done up with a pretty dress)...<br />
<br />
Guys who act hard and have an expensive flash car and cool hairstyle, expensive clothes and watches etc... again why are they trying so hard??? It makes you think... If they want themselves to look good to everyone they usually are superficial and that all you see on the outside...the "prettiness", that's all they are...they are hollow, there's nothing inside.<br />
<br />
A guy who dresses like a normal, average person but has a heart of gold, who says I love you and really means it, you is considerate and really respects his girlfriend, a girl would want that girl more than the flash guy because...this guy has feelings and is more than just a pretty face and pretty clothes, this guy has so much more to offer.<br />
<br />
<br />
As the phrase goes, be a 1st rate version of yourself rather than being a 2nd rate version of someone else.<br />
<br />
<br />
And don't worry, refuse to worry about anything, worry doesn't solve anything.<br />
<br />
Focus on things that make you happy. Set some goals! Think of something things you want to achieve, important things and do them! Take up some new hobbies and meet people. These things will help you build up your self-esteem and confidence and a confident (but not arrogant) guy attracts girls And everything else will slot into place around you.

hi im glad to read others that feel the same as me but i am now really scared as apposed to before i was worried. but now i am scared really scared as i read the 47 year old chaps story and he hasn't been with anyone in 22 years i dont know how im going to cope as i'm on 10 years now. Thinking if thats how its going to be for me i just want to die and the next 10 years are going to be exactly the same as the other 10. I have more or less the same problems as everyone else's comments but rather than list them i'm sure you know what they are likely to be. No friends no family members zero self esteem i hate my self.<br />
<br />
But what is different is i hate being around people i cant talk to anybody i dont have the guts i hate being in the same room as women i feel worthless and some times very close to wanting to end it. I would rather be in a pit in the earths crust were i cant upset or bother anybody as no one gives a **** i dont expect them to. I don't look out for them so they won't look out for me. But i can't get my head around it i ahte being around people especially girls i can't explain it but i have never felt so uncomfortable.

im lonely too. i work crazy hours and have barely time to come home and eat and shower before i have to go straight to bed so i can wake up intime to go to work again. but its in those brief moments when life slows down, and i have a moment to breathe, think, relax, that i realize how lonely i am. when u finally have a moment to pause and think, what would i like to do, then i realize i would like to be with someone. to have someone that i deeply care for, to share something with. i go out to events, talk with people i know superficially and see perhaps once every few months. but its so empty.<br />
<br />
and the only thing i have, i realize, the only one who cares for me and will always have my back, who will never fail me, is god. because every one of my friends has failed me. every relative ive depended on has failed me one way or another. and my final conclusion is the only one who really cares has to be the one who bothered to make me. i think he loves me more than i can imagine, and i think i ignore him most of the time. but i think he's there, and i think sometimes it takes losing everything i have to realize the only thing i need is what ive already got - god. god help me in my loneliness! bc nobody else will. i just have to keep asking. keep asking god for his help. keep asking. keep asking. keep asking. i just gotta keep asking.

Are things better for you now?

hey i know how u feel although I'm pretty different from your story. Im 14 and gay. I am constantly taunted at school and every time i think i have made a friend they insult me and "jump" me. So i never really can have any friends. The only person I have ever loved hates me and wishes I was dead and I don't even know why. I have been waiting for the right thing to happen, but nobody likes me and nobody would care if I died. The only thing I do all day is sit in my room staring at the ceiling and listening to music (Bon Jovi, A-ha, Megadeth, Motorhead, etc.) I have eczema which makes my skin crack extremely easily so no one will even shake my hand when I first meet them. I have been hated since day 1 of my school days even teachers hate me. I only learned one thing from all the stuff I get from people. All I do is stay in a corner and draw. I don't talk to anyone, because they will taunt me, and I wont move because I will get shoved. Anyway your story kinda told me something, and others might not see it this way and it might help you, is try going to public places and chatting with people, always do stuff you like to do, and never give up on finding love. I know you sure didn't give up and you shouldn't ever give up, because who knows what if you give up and someone else just like you is looking for love right when you give up. Never give up on love. Always try to find it and hey if it ain't meant to be it ain't meant to be. Point is do the stuff you enjoy doing. If you ain't gunna find love you don't wanna die sad, you wanna do stuff you like, so when you are about to die you don't look back and see you sitting in your house sad and bored to death, you see yourself playing games smiling and doing what you liked best.<br />
-a random 14 year old who will never give up, and nobody should give up.

i am so lonely..<br />
as i completed my graduation,i gotta know how lonely i was,though i had so many ambitions, they all went vain when all my frnz got married and had settled lives,,<br />
i was left alone wid no, company to watch a movie even..<br />
life sucks when i see pictures and news of people gettin married or settlin in career,,<br />
no, m not jealous, nor is the problem wid my marraige, i will also get married, but till than the time is sucking me up..<br />
and who knows the life after marraige,its so unpredictable.. i wish i could gt bck to college n enjoy wid myu frnz again..

It's funny that I came across your story because the moment before I read it, I was so lonely that I wanted to die. I also really miss my mom although she died more than 11 years ago. I have never had a lot of friends, and my mom was my whole support system, and ever since she died, there has been a big vacuum in my life that I can never seem to fill. 7 years ago I moved to US, and I've been living on my own, and it is so lonely. I know that it is normal for people to move, and when they go to new places they build a new support system. But it is so hard for me to build and maintain any type of long term relationships. I have learned how to project a charming and vivacious personality, and people have even called me "funny" on occasions, but whenever I am around people I feel like i can't be myself. Whenever I am around anybody, I feel like I'm always putting a lot of effort trying to prove that I'm likeable, silently begging them to like me, and that is so exhausting. And having to prove I'm not boring all the time can get in the way of true intimacy because when you are so absorbed as to whether your friend likes you or not, you can't really take an active interest in them. And this might make people feel rejected, like I'm too self absorbed and not interested in them. Whenever I get to know someone, I'm always trying to prove my worth to them, and initially this is easy, but eventually you run out of things to say, and then I feel like I withdraw into myself because I feel like I'm already said all that I had to say, and have no more exciting things to say, and so the person will now get bored of me and leave me. And then my beliefs become a self-fullfilling prophesy. I know intellectually that my fear of abandonment is because of my low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness, but knowing it doesn't help if you can't turn down the dial. Last year my dad died, and during the last few years all of my relative who cared about me like my grandma, my grandpa, and my uncle have died. And now I feel so lonely, sometimes I feel like I will suffocate. Sometimes I feel like even people living in prison must be better than me, because at least they can interact with other prisoners, and form friendships and camaraderie, but I'm trapped in my very own maximum security prison. Like you said, I have friends too who I email or contact through facebook, but I have no one in my life who I can talk to or interact with on a daily basis. Sometimes whole days pass my when I haven't had a single conversation with anybody. It is so terrible. Sometimes I feel like if I die, nobody will ever notice.

It's funny that I came across your story because the moment before I read it, I was so lonely that I wanted to die. I also really miss my mom although she died more than 11 years ago. I have never had a lot of friends, and my mom was my whole support system, and ever since she died, there has been a big vacuum in my life that I can never seem to fill. 7 years ago I moved to US, and I've been living on my own, and it is so lonely. I know that it is normal for people to move, and when they go to new places they build a new support system. But it is so hard for me to build and maintain any type of long term relationships. I have learned how to project a charming and vivacious personality, and people have even called me "funny" on occasions, but whenever I am around people I feel like i can't be myself. Whenever I am around anybody, I feel like I'm always putting a lot of effort trying to prove that I'm likeable, silently begging them to like me, and that is so exhausting. And having to prove I'm not boring all the time can get in the way of true intimacy because when you are so absorbed as to whether your friend likes you or not, you can't really take an active interest in them. And this might make people feel rejected, like I'm too self absorbed and not interested in them. Whenever I get to know someone, I'm always trying to prove my worth to them, and initially this is easy, but eventually you run out of things to say, and then I feel like I withdraw into myself because I feel like I'm already said all that I had to say, and have no more exciting things to say, and so the person will now get bored of me and leave me. And then my beliefs become a self-fullfilling prophesy. I know intellectually that my fear of abandonment is because of my low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness, but knowing it doesn't help if you can't turn down the dial. Last year my dad died, and during the last few years all of my relative who cared about me like my grandma, my grandpa, and my uncle have died. And now I feel so lonely, sometimes I feel like I will suffocate. Sometimes I feel like even people living in prison must be better than me, because at least they can interact with other prisoners, and form friendships and camaraderie, but I'm trapped in my very own maximum security prison. Like you said, I have friends too who I email or contact through facebook, but I have no one in my life who I can talk to or interact with on a daily basis. Sometimes whole days pass my when I haven't had a single conversation with anybody. It is so terrible. Sometimes I feel like if I die, nobody will ever notice.

i am 34 and have never been in a relationship and i dont know why, i was told god called me to be single or i am not putting him first or i dont trust him- hmm thats true i dont- seriously is any of this true or real<br />
i am ugly and fat which i can live with that however what i cant live with this idea that god called me to be single and there are poeple who actually beleive this and belive god called them - I DONT!!!!!<br />
<br />
i am lonely<br />
my mental health does not exist anymore<br />
i have wanted to date for 22 years<br />
and i am 34<br />
since august of 1987<br />
however no one has ever wanted to date me<br />
no one<br />
well except for this retarded person in church youth group who also had a gf who was also retarded<br />
oh come on!!!<br />
i am not retarded<br />
but why do the mentally slow like me<br />
why<br />
my gosh i am not retarded!!!<br />
<br />
but waiting on god is like waiting on the literal titanic to sill show up in new york even knowing it still sank april 14 1912<br />
i was told in gods time not mine<br />
hmm how come that doesnt apply to any of my friends or former classmates<br />
i have a friend who is my age<br />
her son is in 7th grade!!!!!!<br />
anothe hs school friend had a child in my moms first grade class two years ago!!!<br />
<br />
why would god call me to be single<br />
lets say he did<br />
does that mean i have to remain single<br />
or he jus wont help<br />
me<br />
well as long as god doesnt hinder me<br />
fine<br />
because has never helped ever<br />
but his people have murdered any hope i had<br />
serioulsy god said its not good for man to be alone<br />
but there are chrisatisn out there who really belive god has called them to be single<br />
yeah i met some<br />
they look like ahmish people<br />
but they arent ahmish<br />
they did fool me until the car the walked up too<br />
and well not wearing the little house costumes<br />
oh wait they arent costumes<br />
<br />
anyhow<br />
why hasnt god called anyonne like megan fox to be single<br />
<br />
yeah my life is empty<br />
something is missing<br />
hmm<br />
i have never dated<br />
i havev never experiences<br />
i never got the first date<br />
the first kiss<br />
the first dance<br />
nothing<br />
thats what missing<br />
a mate<br />
i know myself<br />
and people say it wont solve any of my problems<br />
hmm then making conlcusions in my life<br />
also these people still are complete strangers<br />
hmm<br />
marriage still is a solution<br />
for loneliness<br />
for simply having someone there at home at night<br />
someone to come home to<br />
feeling wanted<br />
feeling needed<br />
feeling desired<br />
hmm i do need that<br />
i need to be loved<br />
by another human being<br />
we were not created to be single or alone<br />
i myself and am nuts alone<br />
but the things is<br />
i am ugly<br />
i am fat<br />
i dont cook<br />
i dont clean<br />
or do laundry<br />
i tried<br />
cant do it<br />
then again i dont have to do it<br />
im not caroline ingalls or alice nelson or june cleaver<br />
man should marry to get free maid<br />
i wont marry anyone who expects a free maid and launderer<br />
also i cant have kids<br />
this is 2 days in a row i have been annoyed by a crying baby<br />
i want to have kids<br />
but then thought<br />
i dont want the responsilbilty<br />
i dont want the work that goes into it<br />
also adoption is expensive<br />
not worht it<br />
so i wanted kids<br />
but i am not fit to be a parent<br />
but i know that<br />
i dont need the stress<br />
i am thought about this<br />
i am not meant to be parent<br />
but also dont want to be<br />
i love animals<br />
but i dont have the connection to kids<br />
i cant have them<br />
i have no means<br />
bottom line<br />
i hope that "waiting on god" has not caused me my only chance at this<br />
as long as god stays out of my way<br />
also<br />
i will not marry to bring glory and honor to god<br />
thats someone elses opinion<br />
never will be mine<br />
i am realist<br />
not a fairty tellest<br />
anyhow<br />
i need to be with someone<br />
to keep me sane<br />
because talking out loud to myself <br />
is not healthy<br />
and its exhausting<br />
so anyhow<br />
loneliness is killing me<br />
es mentally