I Am So Lonely I Wan to Die.I am 47 yrs old, never married and haven't had a relationship since 1988. I have a difficult time meeting people in social situations, find it hard to keep a job and am sitting at home right now, Christmas Eve,alone watching TV. I asked if I could work on Christmas day and Boxing Day so I could at least have somewhere to go as I have no plans to spend the days with anybody else. I am not lonely because it's Christmas, rather, I am always lonely. I don't know how much longer I can carry on without social contact, close friends and a sense of belonging. Since my mother died in1979 I have never truly felt that I belong anywhere. Even during my 10 years in the Air Force I always felt as though I wasn't wanted around. My superiors continually derided me and my peers laughed at me and "pushed my buttons" in order to get a reaction from me. I do have some friends however none of them live in the same town as I do. One friend and his wife moved back to his hometown in Iowa; another friend moved from here to a town in British Columbia. I'm still in touch with them but only by email, and not very often.
In the past I have joined bowling teams, or darts and things like that but have never been able to relate to anyone and form a lasting friendship. What the heck is wrong with me? I've become so needy that nobody wants to be with me. The very thing I want - close friends and lasting, loving relationships - elude me because I am so needy.
Can anybody tell me how to overcome this loneliness? How can I find meaningful, trusting and loving relationships? And how can I overcome this neediness I experience?