My Always Busy, So Called Friends... Or My Boyfriend Is My Only Friend

basically the title says everything. I never had a lot of friends, but during my studies I had some. I was really busy with studies and I also had some good friends to talk every lunch and also to go out sometimes. That time my boyfriend was only my backup, when nobody else wanted to come with me, I asked him. I always loved him (and still do) because he is easy to motivate to be with me, it does not matter if it's sports, travelling, outdoors, or go for a dinner in a restaurant.
Now I have finished my studies since more than 2 years, I see my university friends maybe 3 times a year. My co-workers can not really be as good friends as the one from the studies, they are all older, have kids and family and 90% of them are male. I like my coworkes and they like me, but they can never be what my university friends were for me.
I still have my boyfriend, but if he is the only one, I have to motivate for everything, this does not work anymore, it's bad for our relationship that now I feel like he is my only friend, I can not share everything with him, our relationship was never like this, will never be, and that's also not what I want. I loved him much more beeing backup..
all my old friends are so busy now and far away that we only meet 3 times year... I don't know what they doing all the time, I'm often bored and feel lonely.
I have tried to find friends on websites to search friends, but this never worked, I found some contacts to some women of my age, but normally after half a year they are not interessted in having anymore contact. I don't know why, there was a really nice women of my age. We wrote everyday long emails, we started a bit to argue about different life philosphies but, we than stopped argueing and I liked writing to her alot again. She then went in vacation, and since them she never wrote me a comparable email as before. I asked her, on facebook what's up, she told me she is busy because she bought a new house and now she to look for the seeling and the painting... oh sure.... during two months every evening.... I told her that I'm sad because my granddad just died, but she did not even think it's necessary to answer on this message, is it so difficult to write one sentence of condolences to a sad friend? ...
well I don't really need that kind of friends, which have not even time for me when I'm sad and I need them... .they prefere their house... or their facebook acount... because that's what she is doing now... she places movies on her wall, how she is alone at home and singing a song... ridiculous.... she sings terribly.... so I asked her why she prefers to post these strange movies than our long and intressting emails... she answer me and was quite angry... she said that she want to be friend, but she does not like to write me, because we have been arguing always, that's not true, we have been arguing 4 months ago, before here vacation we had good contact, which she forgot... ok in this case I do not mind about her anymore... Why do I need friend, who says that she would prefer to meet me, then to write me. but she never contacts me to meet me..... this does not work like this...
all my old friends are similar as well.... they only write me rarely and if I ask them why some of them get angry... why does everyone have less time for their friends then I? why I am wanting more from everyone then they want from me? Do I need 50 friends, for not to get bored? Sorry but I don't like to stay at home and sing a song for my self, and put a movie on facebook and wait on comments... I thinks that's ridicoulus... I prefer some real friends.... where are the other people left, which prefer real friends?
LittleAnt LittleAnt
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 23, 2010

I understand how you feel completely. my grandmother died a few weeks ago, and the so called friends I had were either busy or just flat out ignored me, even after all the selfless giving and all the times I've been with them. What gets me is the first piece of advice I get is to "open up" more and the moment I do, i'm thinking too deep or too much into things. Hopefully you find some company, lord knows how being lonely truly feels.

Welcome to the modern world, where everybody will tell you: reach out, get friends, and when you do, you're either being used, or they don't have time (FOR YOU, but for everybody else). However, it's YOUR problem, not theirs. (Are you seeing the pattern?).

It's not you, it's how society has become. Shallow, uncaring, selfish.

Sorry to hear about your Grandfather, The moment we are alone and we need someone then we realise who are our real friends and who are not.<br />
Your BF being your only friend is really bad for your relationship, was for mine too. Kick such a friend off your life who is nothing but selfish, should she need you, i'm sure she will find you, no point of such a friendship.<br />
I believe here in EP, after a lot of searching, probably you might God willing find real and true friends, for the starters maybe aahem aahem ME! LOL ;)

Thanks for your comment, but it's not only about my granddad. I always wish I had more friends, just when I'm sad and really need my friends. Then I realize the more how bad my friends are not even having time for a sad friend.

Sorry about your granddad. One sure needs a friend when a love one passes.