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Long, Cold, Lonely Winter....need A Hug!

I am wondering why I am so lonely right now. A few years ago my life seemed to be filled with friends, then one by one they disappeared. We had no conflicts, or disagreements, life just took us in other directions. Some of the problems might be related to the fact that I am also struggling with financial problems, which makes it more difficult to go out and do things as much as a did before. 

My children have grown and left home. They are finally coming into their own and I am proud of them. I see them often, and I enjoy those moments. I haven't been in a romantic relationship for almost 3 years. I am a little out of sync in terms of my interests,  and the men I meet become friends and then drift away. I am not the kind of person who needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy. I do need human contact, especially hugs & physical touch.

The odd part of this is that I know lots of people. I am part of the local dance community. I used to go to a drumming circle once a week for over 3 years. I still go dancing with friends at least once, or twice a month. Most of my friends are significantly younger than me. I seem to have more in common with people 10 - 15 years younger. The problem with that is that they are in a different phase of life than I am. For one thing, they are just getting ready to start a family and my children are adults.

I am self-employed and I work from home. This is another isolating factor, but the truth is that I like being my own boss. I don't have a car right now, so that limits my freedom too. I also think that winter makes things worse. It seems to rain 9 out of  10 days  and the grey skies don't make it any better. (Yes I am taking vitamin D in large doses!).

I am not depressed, I generally like myself, I'm  not shy. Perhaps I am letting money problems restrict me too much. I realize that if I have this problem, I must have somehow created it, or that there is something I need to learn from it. I need to shift my perspective and I don't know what I need to change.

All this thinking is probably a waste of time...bottom line I am lonely, I would love to have more friends, I am sad about this and I really need a hug.

Thanks for reading this...

Moonlightdreamer Moonlightdreamer 41-45, F 4 Responses Dec 2, 2010

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Thanks Trevor :) No, I am not depressed, I think part of the problem is that I work from home and that can be isolating. No, generally I don't complain. I figured I could say things on EP that I wouldn't say to people around me. When I look at my life. I know I have an awful lot to be thankful for - excellent health, reasonable living space, the ability to work for myself, two beautiful children (now adults) and more.<br />
I can empathize with you about the marriage situation. Leaving my marriage was one of the best things I did. He cheated on me, but now I can actually say I would thank the person he cheated on me with. She set me free. It took that event for me to realize that this marriage was not benefitting either of us. He didn't have the courage to leave, I had to do it..<br />
If you are unhappy in your marriage, I hope one of you has the courage to leave. It is very liberating. I did it with two young children too. As adults, they thank me for it, when I left the fighting stopped. I raised them alone and I like who they've become. I honestly believe that if we had stayed together it would have been extremely detrimental to the children.<br />
It sounds like you have a lot to think about. I'd say get through the holidays and make your break in the New Year. If you need someone to chat about this with, feel free to add me to your circle. I am a good listener and I have been down the same road.<br />
Thanks for your kind comments to me. Happy Day :)

High Moonlight, I am not sure why you have got into a lonely situation. You seem like a nive lady, you are certainly bright and pleasant. Maybe you have got a little depressed. I am not sure that you are complaining too much as hat will drive people away. <br />
I am still married and lonely, hope to get out of it soon though. If you can imagine being in a marriage and lonely, that is not good. I would like to find others like me.<br />
Anyway, I would love to give you a warm caring hug. It seems such a shame a nice woman should be lonely. Wish we were close, where do you live? I am in south NJ.<br />
Take car sweetie and good luck. Trevor

Interesting, maybe lonely isn't the right word. I need more friends. I don't feel alone when I am out and about, probably because I talk to random people and have befriended the store owners / staff in my community. When I say I am lonely, I am saying that I often don't have anyone to share life's magical moments with. I don't mean a partner really, I mean friends. I used to have really deep friendships with kindred spirits. That doesn't seem to be the case anymore. I am searching myself to figure out how I caused this to happen in my life. On the other hand, when I am alone and engaged in a project, I don't feel lonely.

Been there myself. The wife left me with a little girl and 9 month old son. They're grown now and like you I'm proud as can be. Was self employed while raising them and just put my love life on hold. Am semi retired to the farm now and really don't socialize much. Fear of getting hurt I think. Those I do talk to I have no feeling for other than friends. Winter is comming on now and it gets even lonelier. The only hugs I get are from my kids and grandkids when I see them. Money, I think I used that as an excuse. There is a lot to be done with little to no money.<br />
Don't know about you but I think you hit the nail on the head for me. I created it.<br />
Question is how the heck do I fix this???????<br />
Don't know if it helps but there is someone else in a very similar situation out here! (((((HUG)))))