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Lonely As Hell

Just a warning but this story is a little long and may come across as a rant. I didn't mean it to be that way but when I start to type about my life I just let it all flow.

I never was the popular kid growing up, I was either the weird kid or the nerdy kid and always the new kid because of growing up with a parent in the military so being lonely was a constant. It would always take a little while to make friends but at least those friends few as they were, I became very close with. Well it looked like I was finally doing well for myself in high school. I was still considered the weird guy by some but I had a large group of friends that I would hang out with whenever we didn't have school. Everything was going great, my father was getting out of the military so that meant no more moving and I was genuinely happy with life completely. The summer that I graduated high school was amazing, I went to a party that a friend was throwing and met this amazing girl who I clicked with instantly. We started dating and she was my first real serious girlfriend which was great.

We dated for about six months when her personality just became too much to deal with. Once we got real close she started to become very insecure about everything and let her obsessions (anime and gaming) overcome her I never was a fan of anime but I didn't care and let her enjoy it all she wanted until it worsened. After giving up on get ever toning down these thing even a little bit I had to break up with her because it became unbearable. And this is where everything took a turn for the worst. A short while after I broke up with her she started dating one of my good friends which led to complications in our group and me getting excluded more often than not.

I was a little upset by this but I still had my other group of friends that I considered then and still do to be some of the best friends that I have ever had. I wasn't going out near as much because these friends were more reclusive but we still had fun regardless. About a year later though I met this chick that I really liked but she ended up falling for one of the friends in my group and they started dating. This hurt our friendship a little and even more so when he started to drop us entirely for her so I started hanging out with the other guy in our little group when he would meet up with his other friends who I became a regular with. Well things were good again I had a group of friends that would actually throw parties or get togethers if you prefer since nothing wild or crazy ever happened and all was good again until all these guys started college.

Now I was really close to my friend from my tiny group still as well as a friend of his that I consider close enough to be a brother now. And these two and everyone else except for the other friend from the tiny group and his girlfriend (who is the girl from earlier). Now I have rekindled my friendship back but he still puts her ahead of everything that he does. Off topic a little bit but on one occasion he actually drove separate from us on a trip to a town an hour away so he could drive back to town to meet her for lunch then drive back to meet back up with us. Anyway though back on track, at this point I was starting to get depressed from being so lonely. And to this day my actions haven't changed much, I work come home and sit on my computer every day until I get several days off in a row in which case I go to visit my friends in college.

We started to get more people my age at work which was a great thing and I started to expand my group of friends and things were getting better for me for a short while until about 4 months ago when everyone I knew there pretty much turned on me. I guess rumors were started that I was doing acid all the time and that is why I had been so out of it at work and lost so much weight. And instead of someone asking me they all assumed that was true which just furthered the depression that was taking it's toll on me. Everyone knows that I wasn't taking acid now but their attitudes towards me haven't changed much for the better and out of no where my friends girlfriend just quit liking me entirely and has slowly removed me from their lives and has actually replaced me with someone else when they go out place so there is now "not enough room in the car" or various other things such as that. I talked to her about it and asked what I did to make her hate me so much and all that she can ever say is either that I am an idiot or that its because I'm always high (because apparently friends no longer hanging out with you causing you to become more depressed and lose more weight is a sign of being high).

So now I am alone, work friends wont give me the time of day. My friend's girlfriend has his whipped like no other and is keeping us separated and the two friends that I would most like to have around live in another city and I rarely get to see them anymore. The loneliness is getting to me more and more as the days pass and there isn't anything I can do at present to change that.
MisterV MisterV 22-25, M 1 Response Jan 30, 2011

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I hope it gets better for you.