Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

No One Has Ever Loved Me, Few Have Ever Liked Me

Ten years ago, the last friend I ever had moved. I haven't had a friend since. People have always disliked me for no reason.

No girl will ever love me. I am destined to be lonely and hated my entire life.

I can't go on too much longer like this. I really can't.
longgone longgone 21-25 40 Responses Feb 9, 2008

Your Response

Cancel

The world's gone mad! Or at least it seems that way when you're not ignorant to it. Don't be too hard on yourself.... everyone else will do that for you! Take heart... It's hard not to feel lonely in a selfish, materialistic word.... unless your selfish and materialistic yourself that is.

It's OK .You can necessarily find out someone who feeling the same as you in a corner of the world.Although you can do it like that,However,you should communicate with others who could take you powerful,uplifting,warm,beautiful thing.How i wish you can happy forever~

Wow. Reading some of the responses really hits home. I wonder how everyone is doing now? I have created my own lonliness. I decided rather than have fake friends that hurt and use me, I would rather have none. It was good at first. Of course, now I am lonely as heck.

I just turned to 39 and never married. It might seemed silly that in my age I have this feeling. I have went through many un pleasant experiences with my parent and men. I just woke up in the middle of night and found my self so lonely and sad. Suddenly, many un pleasant experiences are coming, flashing by..I wish I had someone to share about it. I keep this feeling since I was very young, it's never really release..I recognize my current relationship and how he treats me has triggered my feeling.

I have been dating with a man from different country and we meet frequently in my country or my neighborhood country. He is a businessman and I could say very rich, I have simple life, working in social field and pretty much well known in my country particularly in my field. Although, we are quite different but I never depend on him for any financial support. Even if we were in vacation together I always responsible for my expenses, and he never offer anyway..but I don't need also. Most of the time we have good time together. Last week, I initiated conversation about direction of our relationship, after a year dating..I feel that I should know since I am not young anymore and I am hoping to have a family. But I also did not ask a huge commitment that time, I just asked his vision of our relationship. And surprisingly, he refused to talk about, and got really upset and didn't talk to me "normally" since then. He is 14 years older then me, divorced with 3 children who are 19, 17 and 15. He asked me couple times to come to his country, I assumed he would allow me to stay with him in his place. But I was wrong..he did not mean that way when I asked him..so lucky that I asked first. On the other hand, I always welcome him to stay in my house when he visits my country..usually one in a month or two every months. I don't mind to get flight ticket which is cost my salary in a month, sometimes even more than a month since I work as consultant and not permanent employee. Anyway, this made me thinking of his concept about relationship and his needs. I feel like to be his mistress, if I could remember I always do my best for him..of course based on my capacity.

My past relationship also not pleasant, first ex-bf was married another girl after 4 years relationship with me and he always intimidated me and did not allow me to move on, this situation happened until 12 years..finally I can leave him after involving police to protect me. Imagine, it needs 12 years for me to have courage. Then I have relationship with foreigner and planned to married and again...he just left without message..I was almost crazy to deal with situation last time. Then I gathered my courage to start dating with local man and it was ended by lots of abused both physic and emotionally. I lost lots of money because he cheated me lots..it was traumatic

Then I met the guy who I am dating now, after those experiences..I looked for older man who I thought could give me secure emotionally but..I am wrong..here I am now..

Every time bad things happened, I always relate to my childhood which I never knew my mother. She left me when I was a baby and a relative from my father side took care of me. I tried to seek my mother when I was teenager but she refused to meet me. It damaged my life !! she passed away last year and her family did not even letting me know her funeral. My father, I did not know him until I was about 10 but he never shows his loves or attention to me..never give me a hug which I really was hoping even when I have great achievement at school. He re-married and has 2 children and their live in the same village as my auntie who take care of me..he always so proud to his children and that was killing me..but I never can't say this to anyone. Now he is getting better, I often buy him gift when I go abroad for work. I try to make peace with him and my mother..although I never really knew about her. One time I asked my father about when the exact date of my birthday and he said he can't remember when I was born. So I gave up to ask anything about myself since then, I just afraid would hurt me even deeper.

For those things happened, have crushed my life...I just feel that everyone who close to me only for their needs and use me. I don't know with my current relationship now..on the other hand, it is also hard to start the fresh one..I am getting tired and lost hope, trust and belief.

Oh..I feel little bit better after writing my story here.

sometimes I wish there was someone who would just hold me and make me feel like everything is worth it. you aren't alone

Same here. I am 52. I have been quite a fighter. I have no one. I put my whole life into raising one child I was fortunate enough to have and she is 20 now but has turned out to be an extremely self centered person who has the world by the tail: she has it all. My efforts paid off but the end result was the same as what I was born into: not loved, not respected, not appreciated. I am attractive because I was so insecure I put very much effort into that area and also because I am very visual. My IQ is high. But I cannot focus and have always been shattered inside because I had an evil mother who hated me: yes, they do exist... evil mothers. No matter what I accomplish, what I achieve, how much I give of myself, how many times I forgive, how hard I pray, how hard I try, whatever I try, whatever happens.. in the end it is always the same. It is unbelievable how I am ignored, disrespected, unloved. Men want to have sex with me but beyond that, no one has ever wanted me or cared about me at a deep level. My Dad died and none of my "friends" went to his funeral: funny how I got three calls that morning & mysteriously 3 people unrelated from different areas "didn't feel well" and were sorry they could not go. My mother hated me, she spent her whole life trying to ruin my relationship with my Father and mostly succeeded - I could feel in my heart he still loved me but I was disinherited. I was the better child. My brother got everything and he is in jail for murder. He killed a woman with a knife in a fight, it was vicious. He's evil like my mother was. I gave my Dad the funeral he always wanted and took care of his pets who he loved so much after he died in 2010 and I got nothing. Anyway, I wake up in the morning and I am out of energy to keep on trying. I have tried everything. I get disability too because my brains are fried from the abuse from my mother all my life but I succeed at some part time complex work though - I'm pretty smart but I always end up with a boss who underpays me and no matter who I talk to, what books I read, what preacher I listen to, nothing changes. I cannot wait until I die and I just pray to God that I don't go to hell. I try really hard to be nice to people and I pray. I even try to read the Bible sometimes. My life has been a sad waste. Its like a nightmare. I never had a real life like other people do. And I tried so hard a million times to be okay. I always got back up and tried again. A real fighter. I never had support though, not of any kind. But wow did I have judges and critics and mean people on me rubbing in my failures and mistakes. I don't like people anymore and I think I might be at a point where I am not rehabilitatable any longer. I cannot trust anyone because of what they all end up doing in the end: lying to me, stealing, disrespecting me, things going on behind my back for years when all along I thought they cared about me. Its all unreal. I hope the afterlife is a relief. I hope it is. I have to wait. I won't kill myself, I tried hard a few times in the past and came close to succeeding. I won't do that again just in case hell is real. I am sorry for you all. I am in the same boat. Life really hurts badly for some people. Its like people in wheel chairs having people cooing over them all the time and that is as it should be. But there are people walking around in worse pain than some of those wheelchair bound yet our "handicap" is invisible to the naked eye so instead of being "cooed over" (anything would be better than constantly being ignored or abused) instead, we are judged, cast out, aside. I love nature and art and the animals earth and sky... the water. But other than that, Jesus, please forgive me for saying this, please accept it as venting and I am so sorry, but the truth is I wish I had never been born at all. No one will miss me when I die. The landlord will miss the rent. My child will think about it for a week and then be fine. That's how she is. Good luck everyone.

I especially relate with you. You made me crack up really. 'the landlord will miss my rent.' Wish we could know each other :>

thank you for your article. I see so much of my own life in your words. Thou I feel your pain, (and mine's of course, ha ha) it is so relieving to read about others with the same issues. Only thing I hate right now is I am beginning not to like people anymore too. I don't want to be bitter and I'm fighting it with all my heart. Take care and never give up

oh yea, my mother was also evil, she still is even at her current age. Life can really suck with evil/crazy parents, but we survived.

I can really relate to what you are saying. I have been pretty successful in my profession. I have worked really hard to get where I am. The worst part was every success just reminded me of how lonely I was. People will tell you to get out there and try but the truth is we have both done that our whole lives and it always turns out the same. People look at us from the outside and don't understand. They think we have it all. But the truth is, they have those connections easily and can't understand where we are. Let me say this, you won't die without mattering because your post mattered to me. I get it. So we keep trying don't we but people don't see that. They don't know the pain and the loneliness that uses 95% of our energy in a day. The connections come naturally for them. It is work for me. I always thought it was so easy for attractive women because you never have to be alone. I guess that's not always true. Thanks for your post.

1 More Response

This country is NO LONGER the same place my parents chose to raise children. I hate that you suffer, and that many many more don't rise up and revolt against the fleecing of the American middle class. The lack of appreciation for genuine loyalty, and in turn, a "just replace them" attitude is destroying and undermining the growth we all require to maintain and not deteriorate.

Theres no sure way to find a partner or best friends, but there are sure ways to make it very difficult to do so. The easiest way to be sure no one will ever love you, is to stay away from everyone and mope.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The next easiest way, is to be cruel to yourself, never let yourself enjoy anything, never allow yourself to take an interest in your neighbours, or your local community, never encourage yourself to do just ONE thing you like to do - in the company of other people. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
You should be really mean to you, so that you dont even allow yourself to walk in the park on a sunny morning.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There is NO such thing in the whole world as someone who never feels sad or lonely. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Each one of us can hang on to *sad and lonely* for as long as he or she wants, but you can let go, too.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Discover everything in *you* that you love, and find a way to share that love.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
. Do you love reading? Do you love TV? Do you love eating, walking, whatever it is you love, even if it is a good old moan, a crying session, breaking your heart in words on a web page - there are people who will share it, because everyone likes to have a friend. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Just as you have found people here! See - you are sharing something you love here!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Let it be the first step of a thousand more.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
As for me, Im old and very ugly. The only men I ever felt close to, either left me, at the first opportunity for someone younger and better looking, or never dreamed of being 'my friend' anyway. Those people who wanted me to stay with them, did so because I had enough money to support them, or because I had a home they wanted or needed. Never because they liked 'me'. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I remember quite by accident, one day, - reading a message of one man, who was staying in my house.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
He wrote to a friend, 'I HATE it here, I long to get away but theres nowhere else to go'. And I had imagined he was a sort of friend. He was not. He took as much as he could from me and left.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Now Im quite alone with my dog and cats, and have never been happier. Why? Because gradually I have discovered more and more of the things I love to do. I love to paint, and was astonished when a painting group begged me to stay. To exhibit with them. I can do that with real pleasure, although no one in the group is a friend, and one or two are quite hostile, it doesnt matter - because still, we share a love. Our love of making art work. It might have been a shared love of animals or hiking or travelling or watching TV. Anything, it is being with others who love as you love, that can heal.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Human beings cannot help feeling the pain of loneliness as if they are being physically beaten. It is an ancient fear and dread, from our ancestors, for to be abandoned when the world was savage and cruel, much more so than now, was to be sentenced to death. No one could survive for long, far from his fellows, with savage animals and great dangers all around.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
To be unwanted, rejected, ignored, can feel SO much like physical violence is being done. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
There is a desperate feeling of fear and pain, as if you are hunted.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Those people who discover the possibility of talking with 'god' can feel great strength from it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
It makes sense, if you leave religious dogma aside, and remember everything in the whole universe <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
comes from the same source, the same power, and the same vibration of creation is in every tiny part of it. This is not metaphysics and fairies, but the greatest scientific discovery so far. Read about Max Planck, and you will see how he put that experience into words. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Now, you and I have shared a few minutes together. I feel cheered and warmed by it, I hope that you do to. Goodbye my friend, until we meet again.

hi ...i have read all of your comments...pretty vague...ill try to be your friend if you like.. my name is kris and my number is 662-792-9500...dont abuse please

I love you *:)

Hi, I am almost 59 years old and no one has ever loved me either. I've gotten it that no one ever will. But rare is the day that I am not reminded of this fact and it reduces me to crying mess. I take enough antidepressants for all of us, and it's the reality of my empty existence that brings me down to tears. No therapist can change my reality. I have never understood why my life went the way the way it has. I have tried, God knows I have. I have successfully made it into every wrong relationship that can be. And after I have been drained of my every emotion, my every dime and been beaten down so far underground, I accept the reality that I am a lost cause. This has been a life-long cycle that always takes me back to here, nowhere. The only reason I'm still alive is because I'm too afraid of leaving. Afraid of what? I don't even know. Every birthday I'm aghast that I have lived another year. Every day I wake up, I'm angry or sad that I did. There is no point in my existence. I'm disabled, unable to work. I have mental disabilities that prevented me from ever being able to get through school of any kind. Having no money, no resources, no relationships, no job/career, aka no purpose, why do I have to continue to awake each day? But more so than this, why me? Yeah, I'm feeling sorry for myself, it's hard not to. It's hard to see life go by out the window and not wish to be a part of it. It's hard to walk down a street and not have a single soul notice you. If they can't even see you, they surely don't care about you. I have no answers for myself or anyone else like me, all I know is that my heart aches so badly every minute of every day and all I can do is cry. I hate that I was born to be nothing, there is no reason for me to be alive and so many good people die young that shouldn't. It's insane that they die and I'm stuck alive. Well - life isn't fair, yadda, yadda yadda. But I still hate my reality and I'm so lonely - beyond words.<br />
Oh well.

hello unloved, i used to feel unloved,by my parents, but the truth is, they did love me the best way they knew how, puberty does that to teenagers when responsibilities come after childhood,it is tramatic to a child, and the transition difficult, i am sure that if you look closely, you willsee that thereare others who care for you, we are all different in ways, i draw on God's love for me, who gave himself for me, and that makes me run to him for the love i need to be accepted, he causes others to love me, because he changes the unlovely attitudes i carry around, he helps me to overlook the faults, and just be happy with who he is making me to be. let go of yourself, and just relaz, enjoy the things around you, and thepeople, dont insist on your way, and you will see, ifyou cooperate you will learn new things and have fun.

For all those searching for true Love. Seek God because God is Love. God cares about you and loves you always. Let God come into your lifes and you will see miracles. God bless you all...

whats your personality like? ive never been liked or asked out either. i will pray for both of us.

I am the one who has few best friends, because I need no more :)

Nobody has ever loved me.. and i don't want anybody else to love me.... except that guy i've loved. i believe in one man & one love theory. but he asked for forgivemess.. for what he have done to me and proclaimed that he can never ever love me.... So.. that's the end... I'v given him freedom... and he's happy out there.... and i just want to die. if there is something called "God".. for me... may He/ She grant me a quick death.. As Soon As Possible..... <br />
Love u all.

I am 45 and have never been loved. I cannot bear it. I am suicidal over it.

It is easy to say go out and meet new friends or people, but what if you just can't find anyone you can truly call a friend. Friendship is not just an acquaintance. I think those that say it is so easy maybe really don't have true friends either...just superficial friendship.

the one thing worse then losing the one u love is losing a good friend....i must say im lucky enough to have them but it breaks my heart to lose them...growing up ive always lost the ppl i let closest to my heart..and to be honest it sucks....but u gotta put ur nose in the air and go out...talk to ppl....there are millions and millions of ppl....

meet people! hello my name is Diann, sometimes I feel lonely too. So whats going on in you life?

I feel so badly for you. You need to get out and be with people, even if you are alone, just go to a movie or get a sandwich. If you don't like being in public alone, find a place online where you can make friends. I play on a site called winster.com and when I feel down it sometimes cheers me up to play games and just talk to other people, even though they don't know anything about me, at least they are friendly.<br />
Take baby steps!<br />
Good luck!

I feel so badly for you. You need to get out and be with people, even if you are alone, just go to a movie or get a sandwich. If you don't like being in public alone, find a place online where you can make friends. I play on a site called winster.com and when I feel down it sometimes cheers me up to play games and just talk to other people, even though they don't know anything about me, at least they are friendly.<br />
Take baby steps!<br />
Good luck!

longgone really is long gone. He hasn't logged in since february 9.

To be loved, we must love ourselves first. I like the suggestions to take up a sport or join a club. I'm still in the process of loving myself, and have few people that I really connect with (as of now).

I was reading a book today and in it there was a statement you should think about. It said "no emotion is the final one." Our experiences have no corners, perhaps they are even rounded if you will. Due to this nature, our experiences can evoke a new emotion in a new day. Let this new day come and just begin..................................................

how do you know no girl will ever love you? life is never predictable and once you start to think that it is it will throw you a curve ball so hard it will make your head spin.

I agree with you miss! Good point!

How do you know if everyone hates you and have you tried making any friends? You had a friend once so apparently not everyone hates you and its possible for you to make new friends. But dont talk like that any of you. You can relate to people here so why not make the most of it and get to know some of us a little more, sometimes you can find exactly what your looking for in the most unexpected places.<BR><BR>But if any one wants to talk I dont mind listening.

PLEASE don't feel that way. I'm lonely too and I'm sure that I would like you. Even the most vile of people have something likeable about them and I'm sure you're not vile are you? In order to make a friend you have to be a friend - that means giving of yourself to someone, when you think you have nothing to give. You might be at a place where you feel that you CAN'T give anymore like you've given in the past and gotten nothing in return but heart ache - but you can. You have to just keep trying. I know that there is a girl out there who will LOVE you, maybe two or three even. But it just takes time and you have to be willing to put yourself out there - clean yourself up a bit - most girls don't like real dirty kind of guys - you know - who smell. If you have a blemish problem - that clearisil works good, I put that on my 17 year old son - it clears him up real quick. Also, you might want to make sure you brush your teeth every day too - most girls don't like a guy who has bad breath. So right there are a few things - most girls are just dying to meet a nice guy who will be nice to them. And don't take any crap off of them either - I'm a MOM so I know how some of those girls can be out there - they try to act cute then when a guy comes on them, they turn snooty - just tell 'em to *&^% off - (in your own mind - don't say it out loud) But keep being your own best friend until you find some friends. And don't be afraid to tell people that you're new in town (even if you're not - they don't need to know) and would like to meet up with some people. Anyone and everyone knows what it's like to feel lonely and we all hate it. So I hope that I've given ou some good pointers. Hang in there - I'm praying for you my friend. S. Emily : )

stay single it's the best thing in the world ,no one tells ya what to do you've got soo much free time, you can do what ever and when ever you want with out that saying (were you been) i never want some girl to tell me what to do, get a hobby that u love so and stick with it

Yes, life is hard. And it isn't easy to find companionship. Even if you and I were to befriend each other, there would be disappointment. But life is often strange in that to break the rut (routine) of lethargy one has to get up and begin to take action.<br />
<br />
If I may be so bold, may I suggest that you learn to lean on God. He really is personable and is closer than you think. Talk to Him (that's really what praying is) and tell God your concerns, big and small, complex and simple, and then listen to hear what God says back.<br />
<br />
But you say you cannot hear God? That might be because in order to hear God, one needs to listen in the right place in the right way. God speaks through His word. His word is called the Bible. The Bible is full of promises that God communicates to each of us (as well as the billions of people who have preceded us). If you are new to reading the Bible, it is made up of 66 smaller books (some only a page or two long). I would suggest that you flip it the beginning of the New Testament to a book called Matthew (guess who the author was!) and begin reading there to learn about the central figure/person of the entire history of mankind. That person is Jesus, the Christ.<br />
<br />
If anyone would like to know more about Jesus and His promises, or would like to converse with an EP friend, please let me know. It would be an honor to visit and chat with you. Blessings to you, Steve