Tonight..... Ive been reading alot of stories this one ladies imparticular.. and WOW.. sh!t makes me think.. I feel alone in the world.. How is that when I'm sharing with millions upon millions of other people...? How is it that i can carry on everyday conversations but yet still feel so withdrawn... I can laugh at something funny that happens in the hustle and bustle of city life... but then blink and be back to cold and contemplative.... I don't really have anyone to share these emotions/feelings/frustrations  with because i "don't want to talk bout it" I  hate it when people say... Oh you poor girl, I'm sorry for...___... or its okay your young... another one is,  its okay I'm here for you i understand how you feel....DO you...? Does anyone really know how someone else is feeling...? I know we may think we do and we can empathize.... But things affect people differently and I'm just too damn sensitive for such a cruel world... Although if you asked me any other time I would never admit it... And how is that we can lie to ourselves..? How can i tell someone else how I'm feeling if i cant even tell myself.... How can i love someone when I'm struggling  with my own self image... And how could they love me in return...? I say I want this or i miss that but in reality I'm the one running away from it... Sh!t just doesn't make much sense......   I long for a meaningful ANYTHING... But yet I don't want to talk about it either.. WHAT...? I find it almost absurd that i find it easier to vent my frustrations through a computer over to strangers to read but i cant tell my best friend whats inside my head... People think I'm happy okay perhaps just going through a rough time but they'll never know because i wont tell them anything more I'm fine.. or its okay..... I just don't want to hear how there sorry and blah blah blah.... I don't want them to see me cry and no that I'm actually really weak....but shhhhhh...!!! lets keep that to ourselves...................

18-21, F
36 Responses Mar 2, 2008

Okay, now the question is.......... You've vented. Do you feel better?

I can tell that you've been through a lot so much that you don't trust others let alone trust yourself. Maybe you distance yourself from those closest to you because your afraid you'll get hurt, crushed, even destroyed deep within. So rather from what you tell us is you feel that your only option is to keep yourself at a distance, even to us "strangers". It's easier because you cannot see us face to face, but that's ok, the love is still there reaching out for help. If I'm correct in what your trying to convey;you mention that many times you fall victim to being deceived by your own contradictory feelings in the moment you may want to speak about it, especially since you have a hard time getting out everything that you want to say, without someone interrupting you and telling you that your crazy or something.

Well my friend, let me tell you something, you are NOT crazy. You have deep thoughts that strike the core of your own heart, thoughts that seep into the reasoning for why things are the way they are, and that's what's killing you inside. It's understandable if you don't want to talk about the things that you need to sort for yourself first before you invite others in knowing whats on your mind. Writing is not for everyone, just as speaking is not for everyone. Don't beat up yourself over this. It takes time trying to get a hold on what's really going on, but don't give up. We each have our strengths and weaknesses and well your strengths are in writing to get out whats in your heart as well as your mind. I find that you are struggling with this battle of heart and mind, to where your heart says one thing and your mind says another. I say write it out, read it over, and observe the heart of the matter, what do you feel, what are you trying to tell yourself but are not allow yourself to do or say or be, why,? Ask yourself some questions and write it out what you feel, try to bring some closure to the the battles you fight with yourself. Write it out and you will see the core of your very heart, shining out like a ray of light in darkness. Keep at it and you will see, let go of the thoughts that fight with the love in your heart and see the you that you never allowed yourself to see. As crazy as it sounds, talking to yourself in your head, believe it our not we all do it, maybe not in depth as you, but there is no one who can say that you are crazy for thinking to yourself; if they do it is because they do not understand and most people mock that which they do not understand, so stay away from those people, because that will only bring you down.

I write this because I have dealt with this amongst myself. I went through depression, which led to worse things; Im doing fine now, but I don't want you to feel like your all alone in this. You are not alone. You have people who care about you and are concerned for your well being, even us "strangers" who have never met you,&take the time to support you, in whatever you set out to do with whatever it is your going through. If I had a friend who understood what I was going through, even at a distance as this, I would have been grateful just in knowing that someone genuinely cares. Even if it meant going that extra mile to remind you that its not your fault and that I care and that it takes time to heal, but even so even if your running away from the love that you long for, love will find you one way or another, and hold you in arms of unconditional love, never to abandon you. Will you receive the love that is given to you? Love that is contained within this very message, a taste of the love that surrounds you. Will you embrace it?

Everyday is a new day so don't worry about what happened yesterday, today is a fresh start.

As for what you are going through, as Jesus Christ put it; “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few." [Jesus is the narrow gate, you can trust Him and talk to Him when you feel like there is no one in this world you can trust to tell whats in your heart and mind]

You're like me! Maybe I don't experience it the same as u but we're kinda the same. Yeah life's hard sometimes...

It is good to spend some time just feeling your emotion in your body, not judging or describing or explaining it, just being fully aware of the energy in the body. Your emotions are your perception of the energy in your life. Trust them.

I am so glad I found this site! I have been going through the worst week of my entire life, and all I can feel is true loneliness. A near death in my family, an actual death and many so called friends and family acting like I am one of the worst people on the planet. I don't understand why. Especially when (so called) family turn on other family members. This is family that don't really know me or want to know me. When I try to explain that they have misgivings about me, they are only interested in their own opinions. I have quit trying to explain and help, I don't think they care or want any help understanding.
Authentic, I agree with your feeling that sometimes the world is just too cruel, I have always felt this way. I agree because unfortunately I have had many more experiences, so I can relate. I feel bad that younger people have to go through such hard experiences. All they deserve is happiness and love. I don't understand what others feel they are gaining by lying, manipulating, and hurting. I guess it is their own insecurities, but why vent it on me or others who have not hurt them . I must look like an easy target..... I guess.

Its good that you understand the reality. Its all uncertain. But from chaos comes the order..... U r still young... Plenty more to see!!!!

I believe you just have not found the right person you fell comfortable with to open up to. I had this problem also.

amen. i feel the same, i can say this to someone i dont even know yet i cant even say it to my boy friend cuz im afraid hes gonna leave me, its bs when ppl say they understand cuz, lets face it, they never do i guess u just gotta keep going through life till u find something to live for, i wanna do SOMETHING to help others in some huge way but what the hell am i supposed to do unless i become part of some story or anime? thats part of the reason im excited to die, so ill have some answers...hopefully...

I guess people think that if you are capable of being honest and open about your have no problem. I've always been open, but I could talk about lonliness all day long, but I am the only one who can do anything about it! Friends or family may listen....but I have to take steps MYSELF to connect with someone. I want a relationship (been widowed over 8 years) but then when I talk to different guys, I find fault with every single one. So....I have to ask I REALLY want someone? My words say one thing, but my actions say something else. I don't quite understand what's going on with me. I have always been very introspective and thought I knew myself quite well...

I have been divorced 20 years after a 30 year marriage and 4 children and 8 grands and 1 greatgrandbaby, and i am remarried.. bur I can't get over my x..husband ,, every song, commercial or whatever brings him back again and again.. been throgh theraphy.. nothing..(the funy part of it all is that I Left him for my current husband) ha, ha, anyone? am I nuts?


I once told ppl how i felt but they said it would be ok and blah blah but they kind of didnt help at all and we nvr really talked again so it was like yeah... but then again could they have really helped? Does having someone ther to tell you its gana be better actually gana make it go away? i dont think so, so i just keep it all bottled inside, what else is there to do?

As a general rule of thumb, this is a result of the fear of opening up to others. Another general rule in the field of psychology concerning fear is to confront the fear by actually doing what one fears. As an example, if someone is afraid of elevators, the best way to get over this is for one to force himself/herself to ride elevators everyday for a week or so. It's terrifying at first, but the fear dissipates.<br />
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Most people with a fear of telling others about being lonely are often surprised how many understand.

Loneliness is something you have to come to accept very much like a form of disability, I know people who are unhappy in relationships too. I blame depression for my loneliness it seems that I robbed myself of the happiest moments in my life. I didn't know that there was anything wrong with me, I thought that the way I felt was normal. But it wasn't robbed of seeing possibilities in situations when all I saw was dead ends. And because how we feel colors our view of reality it felt as if that the bleakness was permanent. <br />
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You know what I googled my symptoms and came up with...the term " learned helplessness" because I thought there was no way to turn my situation around. But that was a lie. And were one of many lies I lived on for many years before I realized they were lies. <br />
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But I realized that in order to get out of it,....I had to take responsibilities for my goals and dreams and be responsible for what I wanted out of life. You have to be careful with the thoughts that go on inside your head because they are responsible for taking you into the future. <br />
And you need to control them by being ob<x>jective with yourself and most of all be kind to yourself.

There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother, His name is Jesus!

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along. Psalm 40:1-3

Everybody goes in and out of good and bad feelings both about themselves and others which when you going through a depressed area of your short period of feeling down and glum and everything IS ******* rubbish and you feel like love or contentment or just plain happiness but it really doesnt look like it. Anything, or anyone trying to be nice to you will always say the wrong thing and bad feeling s toward it all is overwhelming. But when in a few days time, you begin to recognize a glimmer of a distant life thats what you think you want is only to be a cruel deception to drive you back to the dark eyes. Swings and nightmarish roundabouts can take you to a world were sadness and decay are all there for you to hate and despise because, if you stopped and thought about it, things of nature are unintentionally over-looked or hidden behind thoughts of suspision and loathing but if you recognise yourself here the truth is you want to be seen crying helplessly because thats what cryings for to let people know your in bad circles of perpetual spirals that always will end in death.

I understand completly,people tell me the i am strong women,they don't know ,what is like,pretend to be ok,i lost recently my husband,and yes on the outside i try to look ok,but part of me is gone,and now because my age i think my life is over.Hope you find tranquillity,is one thing i wish for my self too

Id like to think i know exactly how you feel.... i work with 50/60 people daily and still feel completely alone..

Hi, your story remine me so much of myself, People didn't know my feelings about me, because I didn't share them.. I would take care of my family and friends by listening and (counciling) them:-)whwn they were having personal problems. Well I did start sharing, and coming to term with some of my serious issues... <br />
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I do feel better for letting people in my circal know something about me. although it is not easy to bare your feelings it's worth it.

i am so lonely in this desert country dubai, being my wife and kids r in the home country.... really feeling always lonely...<br />
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looking really someone to talk and to make timepasses... in dubai<br />
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varese - dubai

I think many people experience life in a very superficial way. They can't relate to those of us that struggle to understand and make meaning of life. Sometimes i put on a face (act) when I see family or friends because i don't think they are really interested in how I feel. They are asking to be polite. My answer is polite. Nothing real transpires during the conversation. No real exchange. I find this sad, but it is socially acceptable.

Put all excuses aside,and remember You are capable!God Bless.

i know how that feels its like your by yourself and no one is there for you but you just have to be strong every day i feel like that and iam married but i hold on maybe one day ill have friends in my life there for me

I know what u mean..sometimes we keep things so stuff up inside our soul..that we find it hard to let go of it..everybody understand ..but yet they don't..sometime all u need is someone to listen just listen... I myself like that ..i meet some that i never see in real life and they just listen to me and never got bored... it going on 2 year now we become very good friends ...all because he just listen and never told me u shouldn't feel that or do this....all he ever say was, when ever i stop, they always say when ever u feel... ready.... to talk again.. i am here. which they makes me a better person now be honest at times i know i am alone still just talking.. but just to know someone listen it makes the world of a different.Cause at the time i feel like i am caving... CAVING in not me my spirit or soul was connect any it's good to let off some stem that u have inside cause if u don't ..u will craw up and die withing yourself u will be walking but not really's like a smile with out a smile cause it's just not real.....

i feel this way too ... but i could never find a way to explain it but i think you just did that for me ... we all hope its going to get better.. and i hope it does for you ..

i have read your story and i cud somewhat find myself in it.i have conflicting feelings deep inside of me ,i hate making choices and i say i dont want to be alone and yeah i knw i dnt want to, but i do everything to end up feeling lonely.As if torturing myself was my goal because then i cud say, "i knew it,i shouldnt have given it a chance"...

I am so grateful to have came upon this and to have read it.<br />
I can completely relate to this and ask myself those same questions.

I know what you mean. I want love, but don't at all love myself, I can laugh, but don't really mean it, or feel guilty for laughing, all that jazz. I can't even admit my feelings to myself. This world is hard, I kind of know what your going through. My sympathy =-!

n shoreguy ..... u aint alone either in feeling tht way .... :) ......

yea ... if u love someone ... let them go ... if they love u .. they will come back to u .... unfortunately .... when i was given a chance to do tht ... i was way too obsessed to let go ... n i ended up loosing my best frend ......... so thts why authentic ... i have to let go this time .... u see ....

in that case u should be a good frend and tell ppl not to do what they are doing ....... but thr are things u wdnt wana mention ... even to ur best frend ... like authentic mentioned .... :D ....

My counsler...; P your just soooo smart..; ) and i hate that i answer my own questions with more drives me crazy, cause im always asking more fu.cking questions....<br />
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The more one keeps in the less one can gain............. I like that, but i bet you figured i would..; P<br />
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I dont know what i want, i think thats half my problem, Im like wondering inside my soul, just looking for a window or perhaps a peep (not a very good analogy)

yea ... giving info in bits to diff ppl ... hav done tht ... but talkin to strangers is so much more cooler ... coz they are not judging u !!!!

true... very true... lol....; ) very good points thanks for the input..; )

yea ... we cant expect ppl to understand untill we tell them what wrong ... n its always easier to vent out ur feelings thru a comp coz ... u know ppl arent expecting anything from u and u dont expect ppl to not to say anything to u like i am sorry u feel tht way ... even if they do say ... like u care .... :D ... sometimes we do care ... but ... its diff with ppl u know ....