Lost And Lonely

i do understand i lost my wife at age 19



many of our friends stayed in touch for a year or so then for many reasons they seemed to drop off the scope



part of that was my fault as i spent a lot of time over seas back then:

one was the money i made was good and i allowed me to set up a corperation that covere there first homes and as they paid off the houses the money stand in and drew interest till there kid were ready for schools later and it allowed them to go to schools

2: i was trying to force death to also take my life

First of all, I'd like to say that 57 does not make you an "old man!" I'm only 22 and I don't think that's old. You're about the same age as my parents. Secondly, you've come to a good place if you want to find people who have the same feelings as you. There are thousands of stories about people who feel just like you do. I'm sorry to hear about your wife, your friends, and not being able to drive. That must not be the easiest thing to deal with. However, I don't mean to say that I know your situation, becuase I most certainly do not, but are you sure that your friends have really just stopped coming around? Sometimes, when people go though rough times, other people (their friends) might not know how to act around them. Sometimes people feel uncomfortable around people who have just lost a loved one, been diagnosed with a disease, etc. Pehaps your friends didn't mean to quit calling, but they just wern't sure what to say to you about these all new challenges you've been facing. I know that, ideally, that's what friends are for, but that's not always how things turn out to be. What if you called them, or even just one of them (maybe the one you'd consider your closest friend) just to chat? You could ask them to come over, or to get lunch or dinner, etc. Also, about you wanting someone to be in bed with (even a man), I think that's a totally normal feeling to have. I think almost everyone might wonder things like this from time to time. I have wondered occasionally if I'm gay. It most certainly does not make you crazy! Have you ever thought about joining a suppor group for widows? I don't mean to preach, but when my grandma died, by grandpa went to a support group for widows. Before this support group, he was very lonely, but now he has girlfriend that he's been dating for three years. There are also support groups out there for lots of different diseases/disabilites, and maybe it would help to meet others who are going through the same thing as you. I know that most support groups provide public transportation. That's just a thought.... I don't mean to tell you what to do. I hope that you at least can feel some comfort by reading the stories on this site.