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A Lonely Loner

Does this make sense to anyone? I am a loner, enjoy being alone, want nothing more than to be alone, yet, I am perpetually lonely, like I am longing for something that I am simutaneously resisting. I crave human connection, but I cannot deny that I feel most comfortable alone. perhaps because I dont have to put forth the effort of creating a mutual world, and I dont have to wear the Projected I, I can just be...me...without pretenses. I dont feel forced to make conversation, to make someone else comfortable in my presence...I just am. But it is, at the same time, a lonely world of mine, and I crave a being-ness and comfortable co-existance with another, yet I cant get over wanting to be alone with my self and my thoughts.

 

toexist toexist 21-25, F 31 Responses Mar 4, 2008

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You summed up who I am. It's 6 years since you posted this and I hope you are currently doing well.

Amazing, a girl of 13 with such insights.

It bewilders me that I, a man of 54 yrs., can understand every word you speak. i have embraced for 48 of my 54 yrs of life the same exact feelings. effortlessly trying to break free of my attraction to being a loner. in the local world around me i see few people like me. but we are loners. over the years i have found that the computer age has made it easier to be a loner. being a loner is a personality trait. being lonely is a mental state of our minds. it is just as hard for an extrovert to handle loneliness as it is for an introvert to handle a long social event. both situations drain our brains in the same way. we are wired differently but suffer the same. Hope you find an oasis with this silent world and that God blesses you on ur journey with compassion and understanding.

I feel the same way. I have been researching and found I am just very introverted. You sound like you are too =). Nothing wrong with that. Everyone wants to be loved and to find a connection. You will find some one who understands.

I'm the same way. I like to do things alone yet I also get so lonely...but thanks for clarifying it for me. I think I like the freedom of making my own choices, which doesn't seem to happen when im with others(It is always the others that control the situaion or what and when we are going to do it)..

Sometimes being alone is what feels right,other times it's a longing to be with someone,for me i stick to what i know,until i can find some way round myself.

i like being alone as well. i just dont understand why some people cant stand that when a person is on their own that doesnt mean they're anti-social. to me its cuz they're comfortable in their own skin and they dont need to make a big deal out of life to be seen around or to be noticeable.

I want to have many New friends, this is because i want to have them like my brothers, and i love helping people.

i feel the same, its because of this, that i think that no one will love me, but im happy being this way, its sad that no one would appreciate this personality as a husband material

wow..I thought I was just weird or something...It's nice to see it isnt just me that feels like this! I was in a not-so-good marriage for to long..very co-dependent. Now I think I am so afraid of loosing myself again, that I keep to myself. I figure, no one will let me down that way, and I just have to rely on myself-I know I am not going to screw over me! But I wish I had what some of the people I see at the mall have, or the grocery store...it gets very quiet and loanly....but I think of how I can just be myself and not worry about making sure anyone else is impressed, or thinking that I look stupid, or cute, or what ever....and I decide I am just fine. I stay busy, but some evenings are pretty sad around here I guess...It is comforting to know it isnt just me that feels so out of it, yet wants to be so into it!

"party of one-the loners manifesto"<br />
-anneli rufus<br />
<br />
I recommend this read to everyone.

I love how you have expressed yourself! I to am a loner. I am very happy in my own company and in fact thrive on it. I do at times wish I had a companion to occasionally have some company to enjoy simple pleasure with...to share the experience. The experience of being quiet together, no awkward silences because we both have no fear of silence. I really do enjoy wandering through the city or the forest and observing life as it exists. I even enjoy being a part of it. I just enjoy my solitude yet I sometimes wish for a steady companion. Maybe one day..... I'm somewhat comforted to know that there are others who feel as I have and do. It makes me feel less lonely in a way during those moments when I do feel lonely, rare though they are...

I am also in that ocean, swimming with you..Desperately trying to keep afloat in this stormy world. I have been alone since a child. Now, only venturing outside my haven to buy food and attend my children and grandson's birthday's. My world is myself and my cat because I know and trust that we love each other and "we" will never hurt "Me".

Wow - yes.... so me. Totally understand.

Wow - yes.... so me. Totally understand.

Yes it makes perfect sense. And i am the same. i feel like i am waiting for that connection and see through a lot of the false connections that people usually have i cut them out and am lonely but i want a deeper connection. so many things aroundme seem shallow,imcraving something magical

It makes sense to me. I am a loner and alone and I don't know which came first. It is an effort to be with people now. It sounds paradoxical, but I get what you are saying.

Aw man! Can I be your friend? You... think! You have the exact kind of problem I have, where you want to be around people, but you don't want to be around personas. The way you sum it up, that is perfection! <br />
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Very simple, yet evocative.

i feel the same....i just want my life everything i do to b private i just want 2 b left completely left alone....but long 4 that connection :/

I feel pressure to be social. II often think it is unhealthy not to be social. I have been alone for so many years now that the thought of being with a partiner would feel uncomfortable. I think OMG! What is he thinking, did I do this right? Then I say forget about it.

who said 'no man is an island' ? are we not connected in some small way , by our humanity, by our being-ness, by our uniqueness, we are not alone, but choose to be, but do not our thoughts wash up on some other shore, our grief share some others grief, our thoughts touch others thoughts, but then how would i know, i can not know your thoughts.

This is precisely how I feel and you put it into words for me. Thank you. People out there understand.

Im not comfortable in the presence of others. I want freedom to do all the things I wanted without the influence from others. I don't know if that makes sense but I have peace of mind when alone. When someone tried to close to me, I do all the way so that the person got bored and leave me alone.

i'm just out of a pretty serious relationship and to be honest its one neither me or my ex partner were happy in for a long time because for me at heart i'v always felt like a 'lone soldier' yet when i am alone i get lonely there is no happy medium for me i don't know if anyone gets this but for me when i have someone there i want to be alone and when their not i get lonely its all about a balance for me one which i am yet to find

agreed and dually noted. I was a loaner alk the way thru my "young days". I guess you don't have to bother with the "accpt me" factor. That's what I enjoyed. I could just shun the world and not care one way or the other.

No, got thrown out for parodying the Buffalo bill Dance from silence of The Lambs....in front of Jesus...while wearing an elephant thong.

From somene who has been alone my whole life....I enjoy it I do my own thing, and dont have to worry about what others think do what feels right for you.

Lucifer - let me guess, you were thrown out of heaven for being to insightful? <br />
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AstroMythoLosophy - I feel you on this one.

You want to be a part of the world around you, yet at the same time, you loathe and fear it. You fear that it can hurt you if you try to connect with it, and you loathe it because of the perversities it relishes in. Yes, I'm like that. Have been most of my life.

it makes total sense. i prefer being alone, to be alone with my thoughts, to relax, to feel safe (in a strange way), to not be judged but i long for a deep, spiritual connection with someone to the point that it consumes my thoughts. it's overwhelming...