I Feel Alone And Neglected By My Family....I don't know how or where to start but for as long as I remember I've always been the odd one. The one who is overlooked and ignored so others can smile. Slowly I tried to push myself to go on... to look beyond the looks and attitudes of people but now it's hit a point where I'm not sure I can do that anymore. I actually felt like I needed to get away from them, even though they are my family and I love them dearly I couldn't stand being around them anymore. Everyday it was the same problems the same looks...the same room and quietness. I needed to get out, and so i did.
I moved to a different continent thinking that everything would melt away in the distance and that perhaps in my absence they would appreciate and even miss me. How wrong I was... after six months of me living in a different country I got news that my mother was diagnosed with cancer so I immediately flew back to offer her my love and support. She was alone and needed all the help I could give. I was there with her through two surgeries and even though it killed me inside to see her in that state I made sure to never let her know. Whether it was making her laugh or keeping myself busy to the point I had no time to let myself react to what was happening I did everything possible to make her happy. I would cook for her everyday making sure it was something she enjoyed eating... cleaning... you name it I did it. For two months I made it my commitment to be by her side. I didn't leave her side once... I even told friends not to call me so I wouldn't take away time from my mom. All of this... it all came from the bottom of my heart.....but it recently came to light that for her it meant nothing. That the attitude she and the rest of my family had for my since I was a child were still very much present. She told me I did nothing for her... that i was useless, worthless even. At least that's how she made me feel when she tore me apart. Everything went back to when I was a child... the same hatred I had felt was still there... not even because I had shown her all my love and patience throughout this so very difficult of times had she changed. No one had.
Now I am still in her house waiting for the post surgery treatment to start so I can help out with whatever is needed but I feel so alone. Everyone else in my family spends time together... they eat and laugh together but won't call me to join them and when I do it's as If I wasn't. All I'm left with are the walls of my room which although they bring me comfort also bring me sadness and isolation.