I Now Understand Despair

in the past, i always thought that suicide is a stupid escape people take who can't stand their lives any more. but i realized, when there's nothing to live for, when there's no purpose in what i am doing, when i don't have motivation for anything, when i realized that life is simply a monotonous cycle, suicide becomes a considerable option. i messed up my relationships with my loved ones, i'm too weak to overcome my limitations, and i don't see myself doing anything in the future. it's really frustrating when i have no idea what i want in life. 
totallying totallying
22-25, M
3 Responses Jan 9, 2012

thanks guys. really meant a lot. i know you guys are strangers and idk if you're feeling pity or something, but it's really comforting to have such support. this is probably the reason why opening myself towards strangers is easier than talking serious stuff to relatives and close friends. sigh. but you know, it is hard and bothersome to REALLY be there for a depressed person like me since you HAVE TO BE THERE for him/her not only during when they're down but also and especially during recovery. so while it is nice to have this kind of comforting words, just want to warn you and others out there to really understand the responsibility that you have to bear by saying the words you just said.

thanks dude. you are just like a drug that kind of helps me for my problem. makes me feel at ease. it would be a brighter place if there are more people like you. :) thanks.

22, don't you dare do anything stupid...I forbid it. Come and talk to me. What happened with your friend? I thought that would be something to look forward to. Nicky and I really care about you, so use us, lean on us when it gets this way. You are very young, you can't see it yet, but there is hope. Just you hang on there, and we'll figure something out for your future. It will get better...just believe in that, and know that things WILL turn around. ((((((( hugs)))))))

Hello friend! Just passing by, I saw your story and wanted to share my thoughts with you, and even though I am sometimes not the best at it, some advice, as well.<br />
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Suicide is never the right option. I completely understand the position you are coming from, because I often feel like my life has no purpose and is monotonous as well. I think most of us have that feeling from time to time.<br />
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However, there are ways that you, yourself, can give it purpose and meaning. Whether it be through finding new hobbies, furthering your education, meeting new people, etc. there are many ways that you can inject purposeful, meaningful activities into your life. You just have to find the strength to begin the process of finding them.<br />
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I also wanted to tell you that you DO have the strength, you are NOT weak as you said in your post. This may sound cheesy, but true strength really does come from within yourself. I truly believe that everyone has it, you just have to want the strength enough to find it. As long as you truly want to change your life for the better, and as long as you use that want to push yourself through, you really can find new hobbies, meet people, etc. and change your life for the better. I have already begun this process with my own life, and although I still have a long way to go, I am keeping a positive attitude, and it is working so far!<br />
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As far as your relationships with loved ones, maybe you can try talking to them about it, if you have not already. If you were at fault for anything, show them that you are sorry, and willing to work with them to resolve the issue. If they care about you, they almost certainly will work with you to mend those relationships.<br />
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It does take hard work. I recommend that you ask a doctor, psychiatrist, etc. for assistance, perhaps there is medication that can assist you, and I am sure they will be able to help guide you on a starting path towards changing your life for the better.<br />
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Put suicide completely away. Don't even think about it. It is not the answer. You have my full support, and if you ever want to talk to someone, I am totally here for you to listen and offer what advice I can, if you would like to message me.<br />
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Good luck friend, and may you have many brighter days ahead!

Excellent advice, Nicky. I agree wholeheartedly. Listen to Nicky, 22, and take Otto heart.

It not Otto.