My Boring Husband

I sit here on my couch as I watch my husband snoring on the other couch every night.
I just want to spend some time with him as I do most evenings . It is very
Early in the night and he mentioned like he does most nights that we will spend
Time together watching a movie or just enjoying each others company . Well he fell long has he been doing this ? I've been with him basically eighteen years so
The WHOLE time. I understand men work very hard and get tired. I work too . .guess Im alone and bored alot. I
Made a nice dinner and put some makeup on for him.. I don't know I guess I wish there was
More then listening to him snore and lay on the couch while ignoring our children and me. I'm just really pissed off
And sad lately.. it's really hard and I'm getting depressed hard . I need more than this . I don't wanna nag or *****
anymore.What do you think?. should I divorce him and move on .I've been open to him about feelings on this and I feel it's not going to change .also he sleep in basement ninety percent of the time.
Canadianmommy Canadianmommy
36-40, F
18 Responses Feb 3, 2012

Hello......I'm 30 years in......this marriage has died and been buried.....I am not watching him snore any longer....DONE!!!!....I take very good care of myself and look it!!....believe on yourself....yes work hard on yourself...then go out and ENJOY yourself.....any way you want !!!...with whoever you want!! is too short to waste it on a lazy ...husband and I use that word loosely......I will never divorce him now.....I've tried to talk with him....offered a open marriage....marriage counseling....nope nope ain't sittin here any longer.....Go Enjoy Life!...Be Beautiful!!!

my husband same way I work and keep house clean to my husband comes home from work around 5:00 and he on couch and goes to sleep and he snores so loud he sleep to 9 p.m. then he go bed every day routine when ask him spend time with me he gets nasty with me and kids I even do sweet things for him not good enough.

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It's interesting that I'm now coming across your message now, 10/25/2014 when I can see your message has been posted since 2/3/2012. Nevertheless, I can relate to EVERYTHING you've posted which basically has landed me to this site as I'd just put in the subject in the search engine, and here I am. I honestly can't say divorce is the answer considering, WHO SAID IT WOULD BE ANY BETTER OR DIFFERENT WITH THE OTHER GUY? Not to mention, when you/I reminisce, it did indeed start off exciting, fun, passionate...on and on like MOST new relationships start....key word "START". In other words, whatever new relationship you decide to seek may START off the same way but end up no different or any better than where you are now when it comes to your husband. Perhaps as oppose to thinking of dismal alternative (divorce, or dare I say affair) you can either go to some functions or events that he's involved in from time to time (even if it's truthfully of little interest to you, BUT that's some time you can spend with him and he'd at least recognize that and appreciate it) or create a better distraction like indulging yourself in any interest outside of him that would take up enough of YOUR time while he's doing his thing or snoring on the couch. Perhaps create new hobbies that possibly can make a little money for you on the side or again entertain you without involving him, or start planning solo trips to places you would otherwise want to go with him in the event he doesn't feel up to going out with you (unless you want to include some available good friends with you as well)....basically it may be better to do any positive/alternative distraction that would take you away from ideas that would not pay off in the long wrong, because you miss the fun in your marriage. So....assuming you're still married, this would be 20 years and although 20 years is a long time to be married, the marriage still does need maintenance.....which is what makes marriage hard work. But it doesn't have to be over between you and your husband. As difficult as it can be, it's probably just time for both of us to start evolving as well, and take what we can get from our husbands when HE DOES come around and want to do more things with us when/should the moment arise.

I see everyone on here has been married a while. Well o havnt even gotten to the one year mark. My husband never does anything like he only wants to go to movies and to dinner but that gets old after every weekend since we met and he pretty annoying in sex like he has no sense of self control like he has to get what he likes and forget how I feel. And he is done within five minutes. I use to be ready all the time but now looking at him is a turn off. He is always cranky about everything. If the cats meow a to loud he gets pissed. I tried talking he says sorry but doesn't try. He also blames me for everything. And he acts like a child if my family ask me how I'm doing he automaticly thinks they are talking behind his bback. I recently found out I'm pregnant. Idk if I wanna raise a child around another brat. Idk

Wellll.....I've been married for 13 years now and my mother has told me (and continues to remind me every now and again) that even adult men....GROWN MEN can be like big kids. It's just how it is generally. I've talked to my mother for tips on avoiding unnecessary arguments because husband has also been and can be VERY PETTY over the most unimportant things that it just baffles me. But my mother has told me to basically learn how to ignore those things and strategically change the subject or walk away without making what he said into an issue (although YES IT WOULD AND HAS ANNOYED THE HELL OUT OF ME). Because then, the comments or the attitude he has would only escalate unecessarily and by saying anything back to himwould be like fighting fire with fire (in my mother's words) considering his male ego would not back down order to make peace, it's not even worth commenting or challenging some of the things they do or extend it after one or two questions/comments really if anything should be said at all. After all, there is no reward for "being right" anyway. Marriage, if I do say so myself IS the true test NOT before.....that's pretty much the "puppy love"/"honeymoon" and "I'm so in love" moment..and that's why many have said marriage IS HARD WORK and they're not's because real life begins to set in. But considering marriage is about BUILDING A LIFE WITH EACHOTHER, the challenge is LEARNING how to be and work together and continuing to learn more about each other (DAILY....even after 13 years) and sure.....trying to still have fun no matter how often you go to the same venue(which believe're better off than others who seldom go anywhere at all even if it is "just a dinner and a movie"). It's truly NO fairy tale.....IT IS HARD WORK.....and there's worst things that can happen that truly calls for divorce.

If you have a family, talk to him, talk to someone professionally. I grew up in a single parent home. That ***** hard and it impacted my life. Don't throw it all away unless you have exhausted all other options! Good luck.

If he is sleeping in the basement well.... he needs his butt dragged to counseling.

I feel your pain. My Spouse
does the same thing, even after he has made an occasional corny remark, I am suppose to take him serious, like..... "You wanna mess around" or we could do some things". I've been hearing the same remarks for 23 years. He does not sound serious or like it's coming from his heart. Sounds like he's trying to convince hisself that he is sincere.
When he fell in LUV with a
******** & got caught , he said nothing for awhile. Now, I have a really hard time believing him...especially when I don't even see a "BULGE". He appears to be trying to save face. I'd feel better if was just honest. After all...
He is a Compulsive liar.
Maybe I should spare feelings and just out & let him know his size has decreased, I don't feel him like I used to, not to mention he is too small, still
prematurely **********. His style is so predictable. And I mean predictable after his 6 months abstainence from me.
Everytime I think I feel like initiating , I can't because he says something soon corny!!!! Then any feelings,
thoughts, or ideas just stop!!
We have been married for 23yrs. There is nothing wrong with me & I sure don't want to live the rest of my life this way.
What is it???? He used to be so active. Is this me, his Hx of his aneurysm in 2012,
Is he frighten of what could happen, his level of fatigue after working from home, or is it just me.
I can be very spontaneous,
creative & energetic if it's right. I am a very attractive woman & get passes all the
time....but, that does not go to my head.
HELP!!!! What's a woman to do. I don't want to go out on him . We've had our Hx & problems in that area & I don't care to revisit that.
I need other options!!
Maybe I just need to know how to let go after so long.

Lost.....please help !!!!

Seems like if you prefer to stay in the marriage then you're on to something which interestingly enough is YOU'RE OWN idea about "letting go after so long," though, I must inquire or understand if you mean letting go of past indiscretions as oppose to letting go of the marriage of 23 years. Assuming you mean the former, is there anyone you can talk to who can help you cope and help you work out your differences with your husband once and for all?

I'm sorry to hear that but you are not the only one. I have similar issues with my husband and I really don't know what to do. I know he loves me and he has done so much for me but problem is he is much older than me and he is just not social, he doesn't like people, he doesn't like going out with me, he's been out of work like 3 years, and i'm working but im not making enough and it scares me. I just want him to get out of that stupid bad and stop watching TV all the time. but he won't

He will find any reason not to go out and spend a day on the beach or other city, unfortunately I don't have no friends in this country and the only person I trust is him and I am really really lonely. I don't want to leave him because I Love him and we went thru so much to build our life to where we are now. But things are not going the way I thought it would. It is boring to live with him. :-( So my advice is you have to change yourself and don't depend on him. Try not to drag him anymore and just do whatever makes you happy. and Don't waste your time worrying about someone who just don't understand you anymore or don't care.

Wow...sounds oh too familiar. If I had to just look @ the nice things he's done
for me, I would say he's crazy about me.
Unfortunately, I am able to look beyond that....after all he did take me thru some really tough times. I lost so much trust because it became physical.
I too have permanent injuries.
I am working off & on, but, he hates my independence. Won't even support my
educational needs that are mandatory.
He'd rather be able to put his eyes on me 24/7. And loves for me to cook &
watch his stomach grow. Most of the time I am bored out of my mind because he is Anti-social....until he is around his family & a long-time friend
Who says he was obsessed over me.
Yea...he is sick too and I will not allow him to come over.
We don't do anything, except go to the grocery store. All because of him not wanting to.
Mine's not older, actually I have him by
6 months. He just acts older and looks older. I teased about him looking like my father. Despite all, over the years I have stood by him in his career. He's done well for hisself, but he stalked me on every job & I had to follow him & take my vacations abruptly when HE decided it was time for us to take one.

I really feel he wants me here to avoid
The consequences. Regardless, he's smart & I know he'd come thru it well if
Anything happened between us.
As for me....well that's a fear that I don't
Want to experience, but, I have come to
Understand that I may need to for both
Our peace & sanity.

My mind is numb with boredom...

I have the same problem . My husband has no interest on what goes on at home. When he is home or around us he is depressing because he is so boring. Does not take initiative to start or do anything with the family. Seeks his entertainment watching others have god life experiences. When we are around others he is either aggressive towards me or shuts down and becomes antisocial. We gets lost when we are in bliss. Tries very hard to ruin every social event that we have. Either parks recreation parties or vacations. Has no hobbies or take interest in any family activity. Enjoys failures and hate accomplishments on our behalf. Does not know how to come home to his family and show love and care. Does not encourage Education or Positive behavior in our kids, Interferes with family harmony and enjoys animosity within the household, Needs to come home and argue and destroy the tranquility when all is calm. But then for his family he puts up an act as if all is Hunky doory. I think he is mentally challenged at this point. Enjoys making us miserable.

more fool him i will happily see to you x fancy ******* upstairs?

Well, I believe he has got to be authentically tired. My husband and I went through something similar. Sometimes it was me the one who fell asleep or sometimes he did. We are working out now and things are getting a little bit better by the day, way better I must say.

I believe there is a simple solution to your problem. Don't think on divorcing him just yet. Suggest the idea of excercising, and join him too. If he does not want to do this, then forget it, don't tire yourself over and over for him if he does not want a solution either.

Trust me, with some excercise going on, he will have more energy to actually stay awake and share more time with you.

Im sorry to hear that Diane and Veryboredalone. Im not sure why these men dont see whats infront of them , Maybe its time to leave for awhile to see what its like without us around? I also wonder if we had endless money and could at anytime leave many women would ? I think probably 90% would!! Its our friends in our lives that we really need to keep . I dont know about you guys but I would be lost without my friends . Im lucky to have a few really good ones !! I really hope things change for the better for both of you . Im open to chatting more and maybe giving each other advice on how to bring the fun and spark back into our relationships BIG HUGS xoxo

i have the same problem what is wrong with these men good partners and give them good sex feed them cloth them and do nothing but watch tv sleep and eat...ready to leave cant stand it 4 yrs together he is 10 yrs older but not dead ...tryed all and nothing works and i mean nothing iam very loving fun spontaneous caring affectionate just has no interest no hobbies doesnt want to do anything help

Your blog made me tearful, I am doing the exact same thing, watching him snore at 9pm, my three Kids are asleep and he's just laying there like a lifeless fat slug, he works I know it's tiring, but I get two children ready for school and look after another one at home all day, I cook, clean , iron, educate, play, do the food shop on foot (he has a car, I dont) with three children ages 5,3,2 yrs old, my mother passed away when my second child was a week old, I have no support even though his mother lives less than 30 seconds away from out house, I get lonely n after all i do before bed, feed kids give them afters, bath them put them to bed all three to bed by myself while he sits on the toilet or in front room playing scrabble on his iPhone, I'm left lonely with a boring slug snoring away in front of me, what do I do please someone tell me

do you you think you must do.. but you can not go on being unhappy it will just keep getting you down,, your more like brother and sister now,, or he could be your kid,,but you now need to tell him your not happy with the way things are,, remember there is always some other man will to give you what he is not giving.. hope you sort things out and very soon

Well....there just may be "some other man willing to give what he is not giving....". BUT....I'M WILLING TO BET THAT 90% of the thime, IT ENDS UP BEING THE SAME OUTCOME, IF NOT WORSE. ALL relationships start of a high and are exciting because it's fresh and new. Once you begin to know each other more and be comfortable being even more of yourself around the person, THE THRILL AND EXCITEMENT OF GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER, LIKE IN THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP, WILL FADE. It's NOT always the answer. WHY would you think some women end up being on their third, fourth and even fifth marriage?.....too busy searching for that something that doesn't exist. EVEN RICH PEOPLE, with ALL THE MONEY TO BUY AND DO A TON OF ENTERTAINING AND FUN AND EXCITING THINGS get bored. I say it sucks, yes BUT as difficult as it can be, it just may be time to EVOLVE and start enhancing your life and increasing your interests with new activities and/or hobbies that don't have to involve your husband.....more alternative/"positive" distractions. Because BELIEVE ME....looking for fun in another man can only lead you to much of the same. MARRIAGE is hard work as we apparantly are coming to the realization of or have to come to the realization of. SO with that said, unless there's TRULY more extreme grounds for divorce like say abuse, addiction(s) (which alot of people CAN NOT live with despite it being considered an "illness"), adultry and such, you may as well stay put and start making fun for yourself when/if he's not interested or willing to join you. That old saying is "it's never greener on the other side..."