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When Did Loneliness Become A 4-letter Word?

Never tell someone you’re lonely. If someone asks you how you’re feeling and you say fine, although a bit lonely, be prepared to have them either laugh at you, berate you, ignore you or turn away. Why is being lonely so wrong? I’m very lonely and frankly, I hate it. I’ve been told many times that it’s my own fault. How is it my fault? Is it my fault I’m shy? They say get out there and talk to people and you won’t be so lonely. No, really? Gee, I wish I’d thought of that. I'm sorry, but I have a very difficult time talking to people (what part of shy don’t you understand?). I wish I could talk to people easily, but I can’t. And people say, "Just get over it!" or "I was like you but I got over it". Well, I can’t just "get over it". I’m NOT you, I’m me. I’m glad you were able to get over it, but try as I might I can’t.

I like being with someone. being able to talk to them and have then talk to me. It is such a great feeling. But for me that’s very rare. People have always liked to tell me their problems (probably because I patiently listen to them). I don’t mind. However, I too have problems and want to tell them to someone. Do these people ever want to hear my problems? No! They just use me.

You can laugh at me, you can ridicule me or you can ignore me, I don’t care. I’m going to say it... I’m lonely! I want companionship. I’m a human being, just like everyone else. I have wants needs and desires just like them. Sadly, the older I get, the lonelier I get.
Shuhak Shuhak 51-55, M 44 Responses Feb 25, 2012

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I feel the same way. You're not alone, and you're not the only one.feeling this way. There are others.

I agree with you. I hate it too. But how do we find others and be safe about it?

You're a good man. You deserve companionship more than most people. I hope you find happiness soon. People are kinda...dumb. That's why they tell you to get over it. They don't know how to help you. Being shy is ok...Maybe it's easier for you to write down your feelings than talk about them. If you do find a woman you like, you should try letting her read your thoughts and feelings sometime. Your words have a powerful effect on people. I've read some of your other stories. You're definitely intelligent, and it's very attractive. It shows in your writing. Try putting your thoughts on paper if you meet someone. You write very well.

There's a latin saying, that there's always a way tobe alone in a sea of people... I understand what you say, because I feel the same way about myself. I wish there was like... a rule book or a manual on how to meet people and get out and make friends. I would post a million pirate copies on The Pirate Bay. But there's no such thing. Still... I keep trying. If I ever find a way to break through that loneliness, I'll share it. And I hope that, should anyone find a way to show me how to do it, they'll share it. In the meantime, know that, at least on being alone, you are not alone. I wish you to find someone who connects with you.

Don't worry about those who laugh at you. They are not very bright when it comes to a level below shallow. Just being around others does not fix loneliness. It's the connections we make that alleviate loneliness. When we have deep connections with others who understand us, but finding people with understanding and depth is not so easy.

Get a sweet girlfriend she will listen. It's a start.

Has anyone ever hurt you in the past? Pain is our biggest isolator. It makes it feel like no one will ever understand or even care...

You're expressing a basic human need...attention, and love. It's funny how loneliness can come in many colors so to can present itself in a crowded room among others, it can be as you have so aptly described where others approach you and you listen, but they aren't recognizing your need to be heard as well, or it can be this gut wrenching feeling that downright hurts your heart like a cracked heart...There are so many ways it enters one's life....I totally get where you are coming from.

Yes, it does hurt. Probably more than others even realize.

I don't think it's they don't realize..I think they don't want to take the time to care. People are so me me me oriented nowadays. I hope it gets better for you as I know exactly how you feel.

I can totally relate. Being a shy person too I can't just go out and talk to people. It's like telling someone who wants a lover to just go out and find one. There's no logic in it.

I wish I had the courage to just rant it over the internet like you. But I'm too shy to even do this.

Shuhak you don't have to live that way. Trust me I've been there too let me help you with inspiration from my own story.

I agree, the older we get the lonelier we get,you are not the lonely one


your words sound as you ve written my experience.

Does your shyness affect you online too or just real world? Are you lonely cause you need a friend or special someone?

Just the real world.

Yeah its usually easier to be aggressive online and socialize than in person. I am online a lot if you want someone to chat with.

You really shouldn't distinguish between your presence in person and on the internet that way; everyone here is just as real as the people you see on the sidewalk on the way to work.

I am the same online as real world just saying online is easier to socialize than in person for some.

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I am lonely lost and sad and I am the most out going happy go lucky person but I feel like I am dying inside keep how I feel inside. Even if your not shy like me I am able to talk to any one even so they don't except me and they don't see my pain they don't even ask to hang out or any thing ..... Some times when I am alone I wish I was just dead that I just went to sleep and never woke up

If you like, I want to be your friend, but my english is bad, sometimes the comunication has problem. Do you want me to be your friend?

I understand what you are saying; it does seem to get worse as we get older. I always thought that I would find some constant company in my life, but here I am, age 47, by myself, feeling like I have been by myself forever since I was a little kid. Why is it that some people have so much love in their lives, and there are folks like us who walk around with a bruised heart? Well I wish the best for you and all the others out there that are feeling lonely like us. Tomorrow is a new day, maybe it will bring some change. You never know- try to feel some hope and remember that there are a lot of us out there like you.

I know rigt, ii wish people could actually understand that. i ccan totally feel your pain coz im going thru the exact samthing. i moved to a new school and i feel all alone and its like im inviisble, like i dont even exist.
sometimes i feel like that's all i am, just an empty shell.
and it sucks.

I think there are a lot more lonely people out there than we realise, I live with two other people and I feel the same way but I'm trying to meet new people by expanding my interests or going out with people I don't know that well, even if I spend most of the time just listening to their conversations and not contributing much. It doesn't sound like much but sometimes its nice to be around people and I'm hoping that if they get used to seeing my face they'll be the ones to initiate the conversation! Just don't give up, there are always people out there who will want to listen to you.

I understand you. I'm just like you. Exactly.

I listen to other people's problems and I'm all alone with mine...

People never understand. They judge everyone just by their own life experience. They judge what they never experienced. They act like they know everything. :-/

(I suffer from a form of autism and I'm a bit different to "normal" people. I'm shy, because I have never been accepted and I've been hurt by people -and even my close family- a lot. I'm 28 yo, I don't have friends, I had just 2 intimate experiences when I was about 18, but I never had a relationship... I'm so incredibly lonely, I don't even know how I can bare this.)

Same here, I listen, listen, listen & get little or nothing in return. Adults with certain Neurological or Neuropsychiatric problems(e.g. Autism,ADHD, & Epilepsy) are extremely likely to have their hearts broken. I have ADHD I would know.

i feel this as my heart is speaking to me always, dear if you give me a chance as a friend to share your feeling, sure i'll be for you, will never turn away from you

I feel like I just read my own writings. I'm so sorry this has to happen to you too, if you ever need support or help, feel free to talk to me, I promise I won't ever bring all the attention to me. :)

You have social anxiety, i have it too. Makes social situations feel so much more significant then they really are...
Sadly it's always the good people like yourself that shut themselves off from people because of low self image... then all these ******** who treat people like dirt are out having the time of there lives, confident as can be. Trust me, if you put yourself out there... people will understand. also whoever told you it was "your fault" or "laughed" at you is wrong. Don't dwell on it. You're a good person and if people don't see it then it's there loss... don't let other peoples opinions define who you are!

In this world you're never truly alone, in both reality and the cyberworld. Please remember that. If you have needs and desires, why not strive for more? FORCE yourself into the life you wish to have, its never too late unless you stop and give up. Please do not do so, pursue for more, strive for better, hike for greater heights, never stop moving Shuhak! Do not give into your insecurities, doubts, or fears they will HOLD you back from your maximum potential. You can change this situation my friend, you have the power to do it and I think you're afraid to tap into it, fearing rejection and complete shutdown. That is normal and should be expected for life isn't fair on either side of the coin. But does that mean you QUIT? Hell no. You must believe in yourself more and get yourself out there, make risks, otherwise you're going nowhere. This is the reality of life and you must embrace it.

I don't know if I've ever felt lonely. Most of the time I'm too busy being self centered to think of anyone else.

I would love to listen to your problems. I am also shy and understand you. It is not easy to find new genuine people who want to be your friend without using you. Well you found one in me

Why hasn't Jesus helped you with your loneliness? Isn't he always with you? You should just praise Jesus when you feel lonely.

we are all a family here, whenever i feel lonely i log on EP and i start reading people's stories, receiving messages and comments to keep me company, i'll be very glad if we can be friends!!!

really ,i feel like one cares how i am,i hear all their problems.the older i become the more i feel the less you tell people the less give them,for any word i get in ,it turns and they laugh and belittle.there is just some thing about people like us.i find i am judged by my old car and not so fine job.i looked up [shuhak]didn't come up with any the word a bird?and my,you have beautiful flowers.if you want a great friend besides me look up newman1941.he's a real friend.he is moving now but will have more time soon.regards.

the worst thing I hate to hear, is "get over it" yes I am lonely, my husband passed a year ago..........I was always very shy, still am too a point. I think its the lack of attention I got from my husband that made it easier for me to talk to people but I turn bright red most times, totally embarrassing. I make friends at places I frequent but the thing is they are always way younger than me and I'm easily forgotten about. I have one young man at my pharmacy that I made friends with, he's about 20, always ask him for a hug. Those moments are nice but it doesn't make up for real companionship. I wouldn't know how to even be in another relationship again, feel I have too much baggage and too many flaws. Just seems my life stopped at age 47 when my husband died and I don't know where to go from here. I seem to be able to make friends with people I feel motherly towards, but no one my own age. <br />
I really feel for you, it sucks being lonely and no one taking it seriously. It gets harder to wake up every morning knowing you will face another day without a special someone. <br />
Wishing you all the best :)

I feel your pain. I'm the same way, and it really does suck!

I'm so sorry that your experience has been that people give you grief over being lonely instead of understanding how difficult it can be.

Me too, i've been lonely i think for most of my life on/off with missed opportunities,relationships & happiness,fear of rejection,staying in my comfort zone,being somewhat anxious alot of the time.<br />
It really sucks.

well put

I feel you it's really harsh being alone

shy and lonely, and with friends who use you to share their problems with but never seem to have time to listen to yours, wow I think I tick every box, but I keep getting told I'm young I'll grow out of it, or just go out and talk to people, join a group make friends. But I've been shy for 20 years it really isn't something I can just turn off, which seems to be a common misconception.

I like this story, and I also hate when my mom always told me "you have to get over it" always made me feel worse. <br />
I was always shy, and had social anxiety most of my life. I find it easier to socialize now but that doesn't mean I have friends. Yeah I talk to people in stores I frequent, but no, I have no one besides my mom and my kids. <br />
Regretfully, even when my husband was still alive I felt all alone, unnoticed..............<br />
my mom, though my friend, still tells me, you just have to get over it.<br />
It still hurts, to be alone, emotionally it hurts alot. <br />
Thanks for sharing, lots of hugs!

what can i say? i am just so sorry for how you feel. i guess we all feel like that more or less. it seems loneliness is part of being a human being. there is no way around.

I know exactly how you feel. They think it's a simple problem that you can just shrug off. It's not. It would probably be easier if you felt that you could trust just one person, at all, but they're all selfish hypocrites. They flap their gums at you all day long but when you need to say something they're never around.

Call me naive, but I'd like to think there are a few out there who wouldn't.

you're not naive. I like to believe that too, I just can't seem to find them

That's a very touching story I can relate to myself. On the outside, I seem happy all the time and many people like talking to me because I make a buffoon out of myself to make other people laugh. And I used to think those people were my friends; they were only using me. No one really cared about me. They just wanted someone to make them feel better about themselves. I thought I met the right friends online too, but they ended up using me too. Loneliness is one of the hardest feelings to get over. Hang in there bud, there's hope for us.

Unfortunately, loneliness also leads to depression – especially after all these years.

u said it rite bro i dont knw which part of shy ppl dont understand n i wont laugh at u bcoz i feel d same way in way if i laugh at u r anyone like u i am laughing r making fun of myself


These past two years have been extremely frustrating. After a frantic, desperate job search, that lasted about a year and a half (at the time), and didn't even get the decency of getting called back by McDonald's, I was forced to move out of my hometown of Pomona, away from everybody and everything I knew, to move into my dad's 10'x5' dining room in Long Beach. Don't get me wrong, I love the beach (and my dad), but I don't really know people out here, and hate going out alone all the time. I've been TRYING to meet some girls in the area (even just for friends to hang out with - I don't care), but they're all uninterested, flakey, or too busy, and don't ever wanna hang out with me. I have 5 (yes, FIVE - unique, but all honest) profiles on the OkCupid site, 2 on PlentyOfFish, 1 on DateHookup, AND I post regularly in the personals section here on CL. I spend everyday alone, jobless, poor, depressed, and craving physical contact from a girl (even just holding hands or cuddling on the couch with a movie). I just want to have a steady job, my own place, decent car, and that one special girl who makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. I guess I'm being too greedy and asking for too much in life. I've been trying to stay positive and upbeat, for the most part, but lately, I've been slipping. I'm tired of trying and trying and trying, only to fall on my face and get nowhere. I stay up all night, sleep all day, hardly ever answer my phone, eat junk food, stopped looking for work, don't go out anymore (Don't have anyone to hang out with, got tired of meeting flakes who always "have to get going", and never want to exchange numbers. I now have to force myself to do basic things, like brushing my teeth, taking a shower, cleaning my "room", and just getting out of the house to buy groceries. I just don't want to do anything a lot of times. I spend all day, everyday, in front of the computer, sending messages to girls who never respond, or want to hang out. I've got a 28 year-old Ford with old cracked tires and burns oil. I just don't know what to do. I'm not a quitter - I've been struggling my entire life with ****, and I've grown a lot and have overcome a LOT of ****, and gotten much stronger from all my experiences, but there's a limit to how much a person can take. I don't get why I can't seem to meet people out here - I have friends in Pomona, I've had a few girlfriends in the past, I'm highly intelligent, interesting, fun, creative, kind, caring (but not a push-over), can hold a conversation, etc. People who know me (along with my flaws), can't find anything majorly wrong with me, and are completely baffled! - My ex's dad (who I'm both still friends with) even told me that all those girls must be BLIND! I used to go out bike riding along the beach trail all the time when I first moved out here, but just got tired of always going alone - It's depressing for me, especially after two years. Sometimes I meet girls online who live near me and have a bike, but they never even want to go riding with me - They just randomly stop replying and disappear, and I always remain alone in front of the computer, looking for another girl. I've tried applying for SO many jobs. One (computer repair shop - I'm a computer tech, but I applied for all kinds of other work too) wanted me to work for FREE for TWO WEEKS before he'd give me $9/h, so I cussed out the ******* owner and walked out. I've been burned TWICE by past employers, for about $8,000 (yes, EIGHT-THOUSAND-*******-DOLLARS - Can you blame me for not wanting to get ripped off for a THIRD time?). I'm just SO frustrated! I just CAN'T seem to get ahead in life!

I get it. I totally agree with you. I'm not gonna laugh at your pain.<br />
I keep thinking that I just need the proper motivation to "get over it". I know you know what I mean. So here's wishing you some proper motivation (and may she be as hot as she is sweet).<br />
I have taken to answering "Fan-******'-tastic" when I feel lonely/******/down. It at least makes me laugh to say it. Also, I'm in a position of not losing anything by saying that, so you may want to use some other hyperbole.

Thanks. At my age they’re no longer “hot” (no offence to them), but that doesn’t matter to me (never did).

Lolz. I'd never tell them you said that. However, we both know MILF's exist and by that reasoning can logically assume GranMILF's exist. Just sayin'...

I didn't say they wern't beautiful (becasue they ALL are -at any age), but both genders know that you don't look that same at 20 years old and at 50 years old. Time takes its toll on everyone.

agreed, it was just funny how you put that. also, did you start saying "fan-*******-tastic" yet??

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You really are keeping company with the wrong people...for you. I guess they their own way...they are helping you by saying these things, but if they don't understand your loneliness, then you need friends who do. Fortunately, you are on EP, where there are many lonely people, so you can say it here without fear of ridicule. Before I made this comment, I was thinking how very lonely I felt. You see there are so many of us feel this way. One can be in a crowd and feel incredibly lonely. So relax, you are amongst people and friends, here, who do understand.

I have some "friends" here on Ep. However, of the 69 “supposed” friends, 4 acknowledge me (which is great and I’m very thankful for that), but only 1 actually talks to me. In real life I do not make friends easily (in fact I have but 1), but when I do I’m very loyal (which amazes my friend to no end).

That's how it works for the most part here...have lots of friends, but only a very few close friends...and many who you never speak with. I cull my friends list every so often. Unless you're a naked woman...and my avatar does not count lol...this is just the way it seems to be.

I feel just like you. I have no friends, and my family keeps telling me that it's my fault. It's sucks being lonely.

I hear that too. I went to my sisters for thanksgiving and she actually said, “Here, we saved a place for your girlfriend... oh that’s right you don’t have one”. THAT really hurt!

That is just appalling. I had to look up a non-4-letter word. (you're welcome).

WOW WHAT A *****

i'm sorry for the insensitive comments idiots cause you,i'm very sensitive i can feel your pain very much

That was so mean! Its almost like all the times (with my weight issue) when I would go to family gatherings just to hear how everyone is gaining to much weight and they can't eat too much. Really? Trying to tell me something? And these people are so skinny so why make the comment.

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