Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

When Did Loneliness Become A 4-letter Word?

Never tell someone you’re lonely. If someone asks you how you’re feeling and you say fine, although a bit lonely, be prepared to have them either laugh at you, berate you, ignore you or turn away. Why is being lonely so wrong? I’m very lonely and frankly, I hate it. I’ve been told many times that it’s my own fault. How is it my fault? Is it my fault I’m shy? They say get out there and talk to people and you won’t be so lonely. No, really? Gee, I wish I’d thought of that. I'm sorry, but I have a very difficult time talking to people (what part of shy don’t you understand?). I wish I could talk to people easily, but I can’t. And people say, "Just get over it!" or "I was like you but I got over it". Well, I can’t just "get over it". I’m NOT you, I’m me. I’m glad you were able to get over it, but try as I might I can’t.

I like being with someone. being able to talk to them and have then talk to me. It is such a great feeling. But for me that’s very rare. People have always liked to tell me their problems (probably because I patiently listen to them). I don’t mind. However, I too have problems and want to tell them to someone. Do these people ever want to hear my problems? No! They just use me.

You can laugh at me, you can ridicule me or you can ignore me, I don’t care. I’m going to say it... I’m lonely! I want companionship. I’m a human being, just like everyone else. I have wants needs and desires just like them. Sadly, the older I get, the lonelier I get.
Shuhak Shuhak 51-55, M 43 Responses Feb 25, 2012

Your Response


I agree with you. I hate it too. But how do we find others and be safe about it?

You're a good man. You deserve companionship more than most people. I hope you find happiness soon. People are kinda...dumb. That's why they tell you to get over it. They don't know how to help you. Being shy is ok...Maybe it's easier for you to write down your feelings than talk about them. If you do find a woman you like, you should try letting her read your thoughts and feelings sometime. Your words have a powerful effect on people. I've read some of your other stories. You're definitely intelligent, and it's very attractive. It shows in your writing. Try putting your thoughts on paper if you meet someone. You write very well.

There's a latin saying, that there's always a way tobe alone in a sea of people... I understand what you say, because I feel the same way about myself. I wish there was like... a rule book or a manual on how to meet people and get out and make friends. I would post a million pirate copies on The Pirate Bay. But there's no such thing. Still... I keep trying. If I ever find a way to break through that loneliness, I'll share it. And I hope that, should anyone find a way to show me how to do it, they'll share it. In the meantime, know that, at least on being alone, you are not alone. I wish you to find someone who connects with you.

Don't worry about those who laugh at you. They are not very bright when it comes to a level below shallow. Just being around others does not fix loneliness. It's the connections we make that alleviate loneliness. When we have deep connections with others who understand us, but finding people with understanding and depth is not so easy.

Get a sweet girlfriend she will listen. It's a start.

Has anyone ever hurt you in the past? Pain is our biggest isolator. It makes it feel like no one will ever understand or even care...

You're expressing a basic human need...attention, and love. It's funny how loneliness can come in many colors so to can present itself in a crowded room among others, it can be as you have so aptly described where others approach you and you listen, but they aren't recognizing your need to be heard as well, or it can be this gut wrenching feeling that downright hurts your heart like a cracked heart...There are so many ways it enters one's life....I totally get where you are coming from.

Yes, it does hurt. Probably more than others even realize.

I don't think it's they don't realize..I think they don't want to take the time to care. People are so me me me oriented nowadays. I hope it gets better for you as I know exactly how you feel.

I can totally relate. Being a shy person too I can't just go out and talk to people. It's like telling someone who wants a lover to just go out and find one. There's no logic in it.

I wish I had the courage to just rant it over the internet like you. But I'm too shy to even do this.

Shuhak you don't have to live that way. Trust me I've been there too let me help you with inspiration from my own story.

I agree, the older we get the lonelier we get,you are not the lonely one


your words sound as you ve written my experience.

Does your shyness affect you online too or just real world? Are you lonely cause you need a friend or special someone?

Just the real world.

Yeah its usually easier to be aggressive online and socialize than in person. I am online a lot if you want someone to chat with.

You really shouldn't distinguish between your presence in person and on the internet that way; everyone here is just as real as the people you see on the sidewalk on the way to work.

I am the same online as real world just saying online is easier to socialize than in person for some.

1 More Response

I am lonely lost and sad and I am the most out going happy go lucky person but I feel like I am dying inside keep how I feel inside. Even if your not shy like me I am able to talk to any one even so they don't except me and they don't see my pain they don't even ask to hang out or any thing ..... Some times when I am alone I wish I was just dead that I just went to sleep and never woke up

If you like, I want to be your friend, but my english is bad, sometimes the comunication has problem. Do you want me to be your friend?

I understand what you are saying; it does seem to get worse as we get older. I always thought that I would find some constant company in my life, but here I am, age 47, by myself, feeling like I have been by myself forever since I was a little kid. Why is it that some people have so much love in their lives, and there are folks like us who walk around with a bruised heart? Well I wish the best for you and all the others out there that are feeling lonely like us. Tomorrow is a new day, maybe it will bring some change. You never know- try to feel some hope and remember that there are a lot of us out there like you.

I know rigt, ii wish people could actually understand that. i ccan totally feel your pain coz im going thru the exact samthing. i moved to a new school and i feel all alone and its like im inviisble, like i dont even exist.
sometimes i feel like that's all i am, just an empty shell.
and it sucks.

I think there are a lot more lonely people out there than we realise, I live with two other people and I feel the same way but I'm trying to meet new people by expanding my interests or going out with people I don't know that well, even if I spend most of the time just listening to their conversations and not contributing much. It doesn't sound like much but sometimes its nice to be around people and I'm hoping that if they get used to seeing my face they'll be the ones to initiate the conversation! Just don't give up, there are always people out there who will want to listen to you.

I understand you. I'm just like you. Exactly.

I listen to other people's problems and I'm all alone with mine...

People never understand. They judge everyone just by their own life experience. They judge what they never experienced. They act like they know everything. :-/

(I suffer from a form of autism and I'm a bit different to "normal" people. I'm shy, because I have never been accepted and I've been hurt by people -and even my close family- a lot. I'm 28 yo, I don't have friends, I had just 2 intimate experiences when I was about 18, but I never had a relationship... I'm so incredibly lonely, I don't even know how I can bare this.)

Same here, I listen, listen, listen & get little or nothing in return. Adults with certain Neurological or Neuropsychiatric problems(e.g. Autism,ADHD, & Epilepsy) are extremely likely to have their hearts broken. I have ADHD I would know.

i feel this as my heart is speaking to me always, dear if you give me a chance as a friend to share your feeling, sure i'll be for you, will never turn away from you

I feel like I just read my own writings. I'm so sorry this has to happen to you too, if you ever need support or help, feel free to talk to me, I promise I won't ever bring all the attention to me. :)

You have social anxiety, i have it too. Makes social situations feel so much more significant then they really are...
Sadly it's always the good people like yourself that shut themselves off from people because of low self image... then all these ******** who treat people like dirt are out having the time of there lives, confident as can be. Trust me, if you put yourself out there... people will understand. also whoever told you it was "your fault" or "laughed" at you is wrong. Don't dwell on it. You're a good person and if people don't see it then it's there loss... don't let other peoples opinions define who you are!

In this world you're never truly alone, in both reality and the cyberworld. Please remember that. If you have needs and desires, why not strive for more? FORCE yourself into the life you wish to have, its never too late unless you stop and give up. Please do not do so, pursue for more, strive for better, hike for greater heights, never stop moving Shuhak! Do not give into your insecurities, doubts, or fears they will HOLD you back from your maximum potential. You can change this situation my friend, you have the power to do it and I think you're afraid to tap into it, fearing rejection and complete shutdown. That is normal and should be expected for life isn't fair on either side of the coin. But does that mean you QUIT? Hell no. You must believe in yourself more and get yourself out there, make risks, otherwise you're going nowhere. This is the reality of life and you must embrace it.

I don't know if I've ever felt lonely. Most of the time I'm too busy being self centered to think of anyone else.

I would love to listen to your problems. I am also shy and understand you. It is not easy to find new genuine people who want to be your friend without using you. Well you found one in me

Why hasn't Jesus helped you with your loneliness? Isn't he always with you? You should just praise Jesus when you feel lonely.

we are all a family here, whenever i feel lonely i log on EP and i start reading people's stories, receiving messages and comments to keep me company, i'll be very glad if we can be friends!!!

really ,i feel like one cares how i am,i hear all their problems.the older i become the more i feel the less you tell people the less give them,for any word i get in ,it turns and they laugh and belittle.there is just some thing about people like us.i find i am judged by my old car and not so fine job.i looked up [shuhak]didn't come up with any the word a bird?and my,you have beautiful flowers.if you want a great friend besides me look up newman1941.he's a real friend.he is moving now but will have more time soon.regards.

the worst thing I hate to hear, is "get over it" yes I am lonely, my husband passed a year ago..........I was always very shy, still am too a point. I think its the lack of attention I got from my husband that made it easier for me to talk to people but I turn bright red most times, totally embarrassing. I make friends at places I frequent but the thing is they are always way younger than me and I'm easily forgotten about. I have one young man at my pharmacy that I made friends with, he's about 20, always ask him for a hug. Those moments are nice but it doesn't make up for real companionship. I wouldn't know how to even be in another relationship again, feel I have too much baggage and too many flaws. Just seems my life stopped at age 47 when my husband died and I don't know where to go from here. I seem to be able to make friends with people I feel motherly towards, but no one my own age. <br />
I really feel for you, it sucks being lonely and no one taking it seriously. It gets harder to wake up every morning knowing you will face another day without a special someone. <br />
Wishing you all the best :)

I feel your pain. I'm the same way, and it really does suck!

I'm so sorry that your experience has been that people give you grief over being lonely instead of understanding how difficult it can be.