Regina's Personality Lived Out In A Male World

I have always felt feminine and have often been ridiculed for it. During grade and highschool at times it was so bad I felt like I wanted to run away. I grew up in a strict religious family and was always led to believe that my thoughts and feelings would send me to hell. Because of this I did everything I could to become the "man" I was supposed to be. I hunted, I tried to live out a life of a farmer/cowboy; I even joined the military expecting these feeelings to go away. Obviously they did not. Due to this I have been married three times and this last time I thought it was to an accepting and understanding personas they used to enjoy my dressing and my gender neutral sexuality. After 16-1/2 years in the military I was forced out in the cutbacks of 1993. I found a job working in the communications industry. I met others with the same feelings I had and over time allowed Regina to begin to come out again. Over time I became bolder and bolder, eventually buying many feminine clothes and venturing out in public. Unfortunately my voice does not match my look. It was during this time though that I began to understand myself and accept who I am. I love dolls (especially Barbies) and have always wanted to collect the holiday and other special ones with such pretty dresses. I also lovve to decorate my space with all things femme such as ceramic shoes (high heeled of course) and other items related to my gender identity. While working in Pennsylvania years ago I found a wicker blouse display form and used it as a living room piece. I still have that and my wife uses it for decoration in her room. I love to decorate and prefer to use anything that celebrates femininity. Shopping at antique and flea markets is always exciting as I look over the many decorationg items that express my female emotions. I would love to have more things but must find ways to decorate with them that do not draw attention to myself as my wife thinks a Christian should not have these feelings and desires. For all of you that have been marginalized due to your gender or sexual orientation issues I want you to know that I am here for your pastoral and friend care as I deal with this on my own. I have come to understand this beautiful life of diversity and richness God placed inthe world. I will tell you that identity and orientation does not matter in God's eyes, what matters is where your heart is.

Peace and love,
Regina