Single and Searching For Meaning

I am so lonely, its 2:19 am and I'm on the internet reading your stories about how lonely you feel. I feel lonely too. I recently broke up with a partner with which I had a long term relationship. I'm 35 and we went out for 10+ years without getting married. I thought it was forever, I thought I would be having his children, I thought that we would get married soon, I was so wrong.

He helped me through so much, through an injury that prevented me from being able to leave the house and gave me difficulty in walking for a couple of years and finally when I was diagnosed with anxiety/depression I wanted to save him the pain of nursing me back to health again. He decided it was time to go and now we are distant friends.

I didnt think I could live without him and I'm still learning how. I realise now that I was too dependant on him and that I had been for a long time and I've vowed to myself to rebuild a happy single life before I get in another relationship or I will make the same mistakes all over again.

Its not an easy journey and I still feel lonely sometimes desperately lonely, but I also believe that this choice I have made will give me a better chance at a happy life and in the longer term hopefully a more fulfilling relationship.

No matter how lonely or depressed I feel I'm not giving up there are still good things worth living for.

If you can relate to the goal of trying to build a happy single life why not visit and join the online community I recently created.

It can be found here and I'd love to hear from you.

or visit my blog

firestarmist firestarmist
31-35, F
5 Responses Apr 3, 2007

hello firestarmist me his adult baby 247 and me has anxied ad depression you can chat with me if you wike friend baby glencoe2

You truly are an inspiration. I'm hopelessly in love with a guy who definitely does not love me back. He showed me a side of myself that I love, and I think this is why it is really tough for me to get over him.<br />
As you can see....I'm in a bit of a rut, b/c I'm home on a unseasonably warm saturday night....i should be out celebrating, but it feels so much better to be indoors, in front of my HDTV....and my laptop, curled up on my couch :)<br />
I need this feeling to pass (i've been feelin this way for a couple months now....) that I meet the man of my dreams, who is meant for me :)

You're an inspiration... thank you *hugs*

You are right, once the bottom has fallen out of a relationship, even a soulmate relationship, it is time to reevaluate and grow rather than wallow and cry. Correct me if I,m wrong, but I believe there are more women than men seeking relationships in the 50+ age bracket so there will always be a chance of finding new<br />
relationships. Life is limited in span and too precious to be wasted in remorse over 1 lost love. Additionally I work in a field where it takes decades to become truly proficient and self sufficient- success comes with perseverance, and not in giving up or stunting one's emotional or physical health. Two halves don't make a whole- it takes two wholes to make a whole in marriage so we must grow up no matter how long it takes, find <br />
personal achievement and security on our own before entering into a relationship which may be dysfunctional or lop-sided.<br />
Since my break up I've had a lot of time for introspection and improvement- and my career has taken off. This is no time for limitations- being single and free is a definite plus right now and one that should be utilized to its greatest benefit.<br />
She was special- however- so am I, and I deserve the best as well from life. If this means remaining single so I can chase my opportunities and dreams, then she actually did me a favor by leaving me to do so freely. I plan on using this gift to its fullest benefit. It's time to learn from the past and move on to greater and possibly even more satisfying things. Everything happens for a reason and all things work together for the good in those that love the Lord. So prepare for a new, single adventure- things can only rise after the bottom has been reached. Grow and enjoy life, that's what it was meant for!

Sorry you lost someone you love. But you are right there are other things to live for you just have to find it. Hope you get better.