I Am Embarrassed By How Much It Upsets Me

There are people with problems that are worse than mine. That's what I keep telling myself constantly. I cry continuously. It feels like there is this gaping hole in my heart that I can't fill up. I see people with friends, who are always tweeting/texting/calling somebody. I see my only friend, never alone and therefore never missing me. You know how unfair these things go; I really do miss her. And I just don't have anybody else.

The truth is that it's hard for me to meet new people. I'm a dialysis patient. Being hooked to that machine + working a full-time job leaves me with very little time and energy. And due to the kidney problems I get sick a lot. I am not the fun friend that everybody wants.

I wish I could stop crying. I hate myself for it. I don't want to throw pity parties, so I paste that fake smile on my face everywhere I go. But what I really need is a friend. A true friend, who doesn't ignore my lows and who I can have fun with in my highs. Someone to talk to to.

I don't even know why I'm writing about this here. I guess, it's maybe just to let others like me know that I understand you. There is so much in love in me and nobody to give it to. Lonely people in this community, we should all unite. I'm sure that all these lonely, lovely hearts together could result in friendships and more happiness. At least, that's what I wish for the world.
MerellD MerellD
22-25, F
11 Responses Apr 28, 2012

Many people think of loneliness as trivial when, in reality, it devastates lives. I have been lonely for so many years but, like you, I paste a smile on my face and people look at me and think how strong and independent I am when inside I am alone and desperate, and often wish I could die. I wish we could form a community so that none of us ever need feel so alone again.

oh im lonely too

I am not on dialysis but am ill and understand how that can drain you and friends get scarce when you down. I myself have only my dog that is a true companion. I know it's not the same as having a girlfriend you can sit down with and enjoy a nice cup of lemonade and discuss current events with but it does help some. I pray for you health and that you will find all the happiness you deserve. I myself am always looking for someone to chat with so feel free to message anytime you have the desire.

Ah loneliness !! Its the most difficult phase..I knw. As am going thru the same. But anyhow u need to stay strong. U can drop me a msg if u need a frnd:)

Im not on dialysis either. But the gaping whole thing, I know EXACTLY how it feels. People dont understand that its not that easy for me. My friends have no problem getting girlfriends but I cant even find a girl who likes me.

I'm sorry that you feel so lonely. I want to tell you a story, dunno if you dare to do the same tho.<br />
When my friend got divorced she had a few friends, me included, but all happy with their partners.<br />
She wanted to have someone to understand her and she ran an advertisment to search for other divorced women. Finally she found a new friend.<br />
You could do the same, there must be more lonely people in your town.

You've put into words what a lot of lonely people feel for any variety of reasons. I'm sorry you are going through dialysis. I have a good friend who has been down that road until she received a kidney transplant, so I do know how rough it is for you. I do hope you find a friend, if not in person, then at least online and that your outcomes to get off dialysis come soon.

I know how you feel!I stopped having real friends years ago due to my now ex husband .Now most of my friends are on facebook!Its nice to have people to talk to you online when you are going through a very bitter breakup, after escaping an abusive marriage ..but nothing beats the real thing!I would love to go grab a coffee with a real person but that isn't on the cards for me yet I suppose.

i exactly know how you feel, thought i had friends here but sometimes i dont think so , sometimes i do almost here now 3 yrs this year and feel like whats the point anymore but if you ever want a friend you got one in me , sometimes things happen and people move on , but why do they add you and want to be your friend then just ignore you and not speak any way i am here if its any help.

i like the way you think. your wish for the world is a good one. im sure you will do your part to help make it come true. you probably have other good ideas too. try to find something you can do to keep you interested and try not to think about being lonely. if you have a distraction its easier. i wish you luck finding the right person to share your love.

I know how you feel I only have 2 friends on here, none in real life I see people talking and texting all the time too. I'm not a dialysis patient but I do have cancer so I'm always sick and low with energy too.