I Am Embarrassed By How Much It Upsets MeThere are people with problems that are worse than mine. That's what I keep telling myself constantly. I cry continuously. It feels like there is this gaping hole in my heart that I can't fill up. I see people with friends, who are always tweeting/texting/calling somebody. I see my only friend, never alone and therefore never missing me. You know how unfair these things go; I really do miss her. And I just don't have anybody else.
The truth is that it's hard for me to meet new people. I'm a dialysis patient. Being hooked to that machine + working a full-time job leaves me with very little time and energy. And due to the kidney problems I get sick a lot. I am not the fun friend that everybody wants.
I wish I could stop crying. I hate myself for it. I don't want to throw pity parties, so I paste that fake smile on my face everywhere I go. But what I really need is a friend. A true friend, who doesn't ignore my lows and who I can have fun with in my highs. Someone to talk to to.
I don't even know why I'm writing about this here. I guess, it's maybe just to let others like me know that I understand you. There is so much in love in me and nobody to give it to. Lonely people in this community, we should all unite. I'm sure that all these lonely, lovely hearts together could result in friendships and more happiness. At least, that's what I wish for the world.
MerellD 22-25, F 12 Responses 11 Apr 28, 2012