Abuse In Relationship

I suffered emotional, physical and psychological abuse over the last year and a half from my ex. The worst thing is I still love him and I care for him more than anything. He manipulated me and made me think I was in the wrong constantly. He made me pretend I was seeing things and that he wasn't texting other girls and my imagination is running wild. He got me pregnant telling me he wanted a family and then when I fell pregnant he ordered me to abort our baby as he said he was only testing his fertility. He never let me see family, I wasn't allowed to go to weddings. I wasnt allowed to go out to see my friends and therefore I was left alone. He beat me up for drinking and then after I got beat up he said 'we're equal now' and he hugged me. He's made me feel like everything is my fault and I'm too scared to contact or go out with my friends now. Even though I'm not with him anymore I still miss him and I don't understand why? He changed my social networking sites password so now I can't access it. I just feel so empty.
Confusedb7 Confusedb7
18-21
2 Responses May 5, 2012

I understand. I have been with someone for 6 years and the first 2 years were great, then we had money problems and it all went down hill. He gets angry and insults my whole family yells at me puts me down, throws ciggaretts at me, ashes on me, gets physical, makes sure I feel like dirt. But i stay because I know he is just stressed out and that when the money situation is better then we will be better. He just doesn't feel like a man now so he picks on me. I have no more friends and don't see my family because it always turns into a fight with him and I know ill have to pay. So what I am saying is you are not alone. Because you are already out I think you should keep busy. That is a must to keep your mind off of him. If you have spare time get a part time job, volunteer, you will meet new people, but not right away. You need to hang in there and know you are not alone. :) You can do better.

Someone please tell me what to do? I'm new on this and I'm confused :( x