Every Night

I haven’t been on in a while, things go up and down but the nights are always the same. I’ve started taking antidepressants and they work a little, I haven’t taken them in a week and i have noticed a difference. I also recently stopped seeing my therapist, that was a big upsetting moment for me but my family is tight on money and I feel bad for them spending so much a week on me. In the day time I’m usually ok, I can get through a day and they seem to go by fast. It is at night when things get bad, I get so lonely and the thought of killing myself gets more and more appealing ever night.
LonelyMan92 LonelyMan92
18-21, M
2 Responses May 8, 2012

I can relate to that, even though I'm not actually in a dark place like you. I do have a few friends, which help me cope with a lot of things, but at the same time, I feel that I can't relate to anybody else... Ah, well. <br />
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I sometimes find activities which consume a lot of my time just because it feels better to be numb. For example, before Easter I was hyphed with watching serials all day, even though I'm supposed to study for my exams. At night, it really gets worse, because you're there, all alone with yourself, and they make you confront yourself at a time you'd rather not. I struggle not to think of bad things or worry about anything, but there are still nights when I have quite a difficult time falling asleep.<br />
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I'm sorry to hear your family is tight on money, seeing a therapist could be really helpful. At the same time, it could also be useless, if you don't actually try to change something, as little as it could be. The major downward of depressive people is that they would actually stand there doing nothing than move out of their comfort zone (I can tell that!). <br />
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If you would like to talk, I would be happy to listen to you.

I'm basically in the same place as you. Accept I have yet to see a therapist and can't bring myself to take anti-depressents (don't ask me why, I take adderall and sleeping pills, guess I really should be taking them!).<br />
I'm almost 20 and also feel bad that my family still supports me. I used to have a part time job, but it just kept getting harder and harder to go.<br />
Day's go by fast for me too. I just watch tv and movies all day, it keeps my mind off things. But at night I start thinking about my life and I think of suicide on a daily basis. <br />
I have pushed everyone who has tried to love me away. Now i'm really alone and in a darker place than I ever thought I could be in.<br />
I haven't really done this before but, if you want someone to talk to, that's going through the same kinda stuff, feel free to message me :)

I would love to have someone to talk to