Selfish Bullsh*t

I've been very blessed in almost every aspect of my life and the social is no exception. I'm surrounded by some of the best people this world has to offer. I'm fairly popular and often looked up to. Most people would give anything to be in my position... and yet, most days, I feel like I'm alone in this world. I find it very easy to love people, even if they're hated by the rest of my friends. I tend to empathize with even the scummiest of individuals before I write them off as hopeless. I feel like I would readily take a bullet for even the least of my buddies. Understanding others comes easily to me... yet, I can't think of anyone who understands me.

I know it's my own damn fault since I'm very guarded about myself. I've always been stronger, smarter, and generally more talented than most people I know and I feel like it's given me a responsibility to be strong for others when they are weak (egotistical, self-righteous P.O.S. that I am) and thus, showing weakness is a luxury that I must forfeit. I don't really mind... making others happy is the joy of my life... but it gets so hard sometimes, keeping it all in.

More than anything, I think what I want is to be able to rest my head on someone's shoulders and just tell them all my weaknesses, and for that person to understand... but I know that's not possible. Please forgive my selfish bullsh*t as this is the closest as I'll get to that wish... and thank you for reading.
Egofiend Egofiend
2 Responses May 9, 2012

I can very much relate to this. I hold leadership roles in my job and in everything that I do....people are always looking at me to be the optimistic, reasonable, and strong one; which I always am. But like you, I have no one in my life who I can really talk to. Even my fiance, whom I love dearly, doesn't quite seem to understand me. I've recently resolved that I never will find someone to really, truly talk to. And I'm okay with that.

You don't have to be always strong. You should give yourself a rest at least sometimes. Find a person with whom you can be a tired and lonely human being who's not a superman. Do you think people won't understand you because you're in a better position in life? Yes, most of us are jealous and selfish but I think you're a good person and you deserve to have friends who care how you really feel.<br />
You can always message me if you want. Take care.