In My Room,all Alone..

Hallo all.. Firstly thanks for finding time to even read up about me. I Wish there weren't so many of us in this group but now that we are here I will add my story I hope I can get some comfort.
I Hate myself to the core.. Its taken me alot of strength to even start writing. I'm in my room all day. I can't sleep caz of my thoughts of being worthless,a whorish person and pathetic manipulator. As I can't sleep I've constant headaches. These headaches paralyse me. I can't read books, watch movies or use my laptop to divert my mind.
I'm 23 and since a young age I got involved in guys initially I was used than I used and the circle continued till in 2008 I met someone who I today believe changed my life. We loved each other so much and I cheated on him like I've cheated on others. I used the excuse of long distance to go about it but it was no reason for it. He left me one fine day for a better girl and I'm happy for him to be with a better person. That's when i met my current bf. even we are in a long distance.he was a good friend for years before we got together so he knows all about my pathetic cheating habits and manipulations still we fell in love. Today the very things he knew about me are what make him insecure. And it's not like I've not cheated on him I've and it's been under the pretext that he abused me caz he was insecure about me. He left me a year back I went mad in that time. Eventually he came back this jan caz we love each other since thn I've changed my lifestyle been faithful stopped talking to guys and have no friends. He hasn't stopped me but I feel I don't have anyone to trust.
I think this change in my life has left me to go through my past and realise my faults..
lonelysandygreen lonelysandygreen
22-25, F
4 Responses May 12, 2012

do not beat yoursel up.....it is your life and your body.....do what you are comfortable with and enjoy your life....no body owns you

And consider that the religion you have at present isnt produceing good fruitage of self control and loyalty. However, with that said, will the religion he holds to, produce anything better in you!? You must discuss these things with him.

No there's nothing wrong he believes in my religion. It's just his family belongs to a direct lineage of the religion and his mom would never accept me otherwise.

So theres no problems then. You just have to control yourself and be loyal to him. Van you do that?

N o its good that your making changes for the better.

I'm scared I might get weak ! We both belong to diff religions I'm a Hindu he's a Muslim. If we have to be together I've to convert my religion, know how to cook his kind of food and even possibly dress differently. Im willing to do it all but sometimes I feel scared of all the new changes I would need to go through. Can you feel my fear?

Yes i can and i wouldnt do it. But this is your choice to make.

Very nice, good for you

So you saying I should dO something About being this pathetic?