Before I Let Go

It is funny I was reading your stories and I feel like I have seen that show before.  I am in love with my husband we dated for 6 years and have been married now for coming on 10 years.  He was the love of my life.  We have two very beautiful children.  We got married because we believed that we were soul mates.  We didn't rush into marriage we had our first son after a year of being married he was planned as was my other son.  So tell me where we went so wrong.  We were a story book whirl wind couple met in the church found each other again when he showed up as a freshman at my college on a scholarship.  We waited until years later to really make us official with getting married.  We even partially lived together so that there weren't any surprises.  We were both raised in the Lord so meeting in the church was perfect however, he is very much more someone who watches church versus being a part of it. Now I am not a saint but I believe that God does all things for a reason.  Fast forward 10 years we don't talk, we don't laugh, I gave up cursing for our children and he feels like they are just words so "sh_ _", "fu_ _" are common words for him towards whoever gets on his nerves.  I love him more then my heart can take but I am the financial person in the house, I am the cook, I do the laundry, I am the person that has to worry about the bills.  He works and just gives me the money.  As if I have time on my plate to also stress about everything.  He sits in the front of the computer looking at ways to "work out" He gets up at 4am to work out and if he is not working out he is sleeping or working.  I am so tried of crying and being empty.  I lay in a bed where we don't even touch our bed is so big that we could lay there and not even now that one of us is missing.  He is not affectionate towards me or my children. This is not the man that I married.  I am thinking that it may be time to leave but I am so scared of what that might mean for my children.  I am an executive in the work field but at home I am ignored and not valued nor important and he just waves me off.  If I make enough fuss about an issues he swears he will do better and he does for about a week to a month then the real him comes back.  Where do I go from here.
BeforeIIetgo BeforeIIetgo
36-40
May 12, 2012