Completely Alone

I'm 19, in college meant to be having the time of my life but things have just gone so wrong so quickly, i didnt even realise it was happening. My dad left when i was young, me and my mum never really saw eye to eye, she got a new boyfriend after being on her own for a long time and i was so happy for her but all of a sudden what she wanted came first which meant me being kicked out at 17. That was ok, i was able to deal with it because i had my friends and my little sister around me. But now they are gone, every single one of them apart from my little sister, the reason is because a friends boyfriend died and she couldnt understand why her other friends, the ones closest to her had deserted her, so i listened and tried to be there for her, told her i understood.. eventually she told the others how she felt but she said things i didnt say, told them i told her they weren't there because they didn't want to be, she tried to take her own life and now they are blaming me for that, she won't even talk to me anymore, i don't know what happened i just tried to be there for her, i don't know where i went wrong and i can't explain to them because they don't want to listen or talk, they told me they don't hate me for it but they don't want to be friends anymore thats nearly worse because it means the anger is gone and they still dont want anything to do with me, this happened 5 months ago, since then i lost the only other person i felt i could talk to, we got into a small fight and she threw everything in my face, no wonder my mum hates me, no wonder the other girls stopped wanting to be friends with me.. i stopped going to college 5 months ago, i just couldn't be bothered going in pretending i was fine i had made a few friends in college but when i stopped going in we gradually lost contact, my fault completely. But now I'm sitting at here and realising i have absolutely nobody in my life but my little sister and my mum, when she decides she doesnt hate me for a few days. i spend the majority of my  time on my own not interacting with anybody, how pathetic is that, i was never like this before i had loads of friends and was out all the time. how did my life get so ****** up quickly, it was like i had no control, i try not to think about it but when i do it all comes crashing in and it physically hurts, the only other time i felt like this is when a friend died when i was 16, this physical pain in my chest, hard to breathe, since when is life meant to be this way? I don't know what to do, i feel like an idiot writing this now and crying and feeling sorry for myself, i just dont know what to do, i would be long gone if it wasn't for my little sister, i couldn't do it to her, i couldn't make her feel what im feeling right now. i just wish it would all stop and things could go back to how they were.. well i guess thats it thank you so much for reading..
LostAndAlone18 LostAndAlone18
1 Response May 13, 2012

Man hold on it will get better . Us humans seem to take a bad part of life and make it our whole life . I do it sometimes and I know better . Things will get better one thing you can count on maybe the only thing you can count on is everything changes . Riding out the storm makes the good parts of life that much better so do what you got to to get yourself through . Good luck . Bless