This Loneliness Is Killing Me, Dunno What To Do =(

I'm a college student who messed up my life since more than 1 year ago. I love to be around many people, and used to be until I did my biggest mistake. I used to be the center of my class when I first started college life, almost all of my classmates surprised me when it was my birthday, we chatted, hang out, watched movies, until I got close with this one guy. I didn't realize since when I was having a circle with this guy and other friends. One of my friend (let's called her A), doesn't really like our classmates, so we didn't really hang out with other classmates, only with my circle. At that time, I didn't care, as long as I can be with my bf. Until i realize that we almost never hang out with other classmate, and they called us exclusive group. A didn't care at all, she is a very arrogant person, she thinks her class is higher than other classmates, she said she chose who can socialize with her etc etc. Again, i didn't really care, as long as my bf is with me.

Things really change when I broke up, slowly but sure me and my close friend realized that A actually wanna break us apart, because she told my bf after we broke up that she (A) doesn't want to be friends anymore with my close friend. and because A thinks that i'm on my friend's side, she will un-friend me too. My ex is not a person who can be friends with his ex, he's the awkward type. But he tried to be friends with me for months, until he changed. My friend thinks that this change is cause by A who talked bad about me behind my back.

Shortly, now that my circle is gone, I have no bf, and I have no other friends because A already made gap between me and my classmates, and i don't think they will accept me, especially girls, not like boys who can just adapt together, girls are more picky. I have no friends, i miss having fun with others. I miss having someone asks me to hang out together. I want to have friends again, but I don't know what to do. My biggest mistake was too focus on my bf until i don't have many friends. I'm not someone who can live in loneliness, i need a community, but dunno how. I'm so lonely, it feels like my life is so empty. And don't mention new bf, because there are no guys who's better than my ex right now (someone says that i haven't totally move on). Help me someone, this may seems light or easy for you, but it really hard on me. this is the time when others having fun, age of their life. but what about me? depressed because of loneliness..=(

My days seems so boring, my life is so boring, so empty.
rreinne rreinne
May 14, 2012