Burning Through.

Writers note!! I wrote this when I was lonely. I have recently found the antidote in a way I never thought possible. My advice to those looking for the same cure, DON"T go looking for love. I see that now. This story will remain up so you can see you're not alone.

It hurts. So many friends have partners, and I dont. Some awful jerks get girls so easy, yet I am stil struggling to get a girl to even like me in a face-to-face situation. Its burning through my skull. Couples everywhere. I dont know how much more loneliness I can take. Its nothing to kill myself over but its sure as hell nothing to ignore. Everyone says wait. Oh sure, you have a partner, you've forgotten how agonising this pain is. Oh yeah, you've had someone fall for you face to face. The difference is, you dont know my pain. Some pretend and think they know this dreadfull loneliness. Yes, I admit there are people who know exactly how I feel, and Im actualy better off than some people. But it doesnt change the fact that Im romantically starved. Im not perfect, but I wanna be perfect for someone. Im not the strongest guy, but I want someone to feel safe in my arms. I just want this terrible loneliness to end.
DGSteele DGSteele
26-30, M
7 Responses May 15, 2012

Being lonely does suck but think of it this way: at least you're not lonely even though you ARE with some bc it is possible.. You're obviously sweet so just hang in there! As we women get older we realize that the "jerks" aren't fit us anymore.. Well most of us. And the women who prefer jerks probably don't deserve someone like you. ;)

Very similar to my emotions. But not as intense. I hope you get what you want soon. But please don't get near that emotional state where you need physical and mental therapies and you create weaknesses for yourself.

Hi dear..<br />
Firstly I'm sorry you have to go through this. I won't say I relate to you but at some point in my life I did. <br />
I won't exaggerate to say this but some girls out there are missing out on a lovely guy who is been waiting to be with one. I'm one of them I could say. :) I've a jerk for a boyfriend who is abusive and violent and treats me like sh*t.. I wish they made more guys like you.<br />
Anyways I would pray to God you get a lovely girl who would love you and take care of you. I won't say wait you could try going out more,asking your friends to set you up.. The more you date the more are your chances to get closer to a sweet girl.

I've tried. I fit the description so many girls give for the ideal boyfriend, but none agree to go out with me. Why? I don't know

Tbh we women are abit stupid we like to go for the bad boys. But common you are a nice guy and good things happen to good people. Trust me I'm going through hell with my bf at such times I wish I had a guy who would value me. Wait out there there will be someone wanting you the way you want her.

Yeah, kinda feels like there is something missing. Theres this empty spot, you try to fill it with something else, but it doesn't work. Because you know whats missing, its just hard to find. You keep longing for that special someone. And seeing couples everywhere gets kinda annoying, get somewhat jealous.

Sounds like you know the feeling

Yup. Sometimes you can just play it off, but other times its too strong and you can't ignore it. Kinda like a silent killer, it just eats away at you.

Yes DGSteele it is torture and it is very real. I suffer from anxiety and my mind clicks over 24/7 even when I'm asleep as I dream of my issues. What works for me, and this may help you, is perspective. Sometimes it is the only thing that helps and it really can change my thought process if only for a while. My brother is 40 and has muscular dystrophy. He never married or even had a gf and no kids but I know he would dearly love these things. I admire his zest for life and the way he gets on with things. He is my guru and I admire him and I think of him when my problems come looking for me. I know that it is hard to see others coupled up and happy but I guarentee you they did not all meet their partners on the same day so there was a time when they were all single and as times passes they gradually met someone and there they are. I had a great relationship in my early 20's for 2 yrs and then nothing until I met my wife at 27. We have been together 14yrs and have a son. I am glad I waited for them and did not give up although at times my heart was where yours is now. There are no guarentees for any of us in life but at your age the odds remain very stacked in your favour for you to meet and marry and all the rest. Hope burns eternal. All the best.

Thanks. But its tearing me apart rapidly. I almost cry everyday. I'm just dying to pour all this love onto someone. My most of my dating friends are between 16 - 19. And being 21 in my position is very intimidating. Today is especially depressing. Im trying desperately to wait, but I cant handle myself anymore. I wanna see a psychologist, but my parents always council me and say my problem isnt serious enough. It hurts me. They supposed to care more than anyone but they dont know how dangerous and overwhelming it is. Your brother sounds like an amazing man, but I dont his strength.

ugh i know what you mean, im going through this everyday and your friends dont help they have someone and all they say is "dont worry the right person is coming your way" and blah blah blah which really does not help AT ALL. i mean i see not so good people with great bfs/gfs and its so confusing, like you think what do they have that i dont ughhh its just soooo frustrating

You understand me! Yay! Thanks.

OMG...You sound like such a sweetheart! Aw, I really just wanna hug and squeeze you!!! It will happen for you hon...it will~trust me. After reading this story there's absolutely no doubt in my mind that you'll find the perfect girl. The one who's meant just for you! Where were the guy's like you when I was your age?! :( Hang in there sweetie and Good Luck! xo

If I give up, its over. So I dont have a choice. Im hanging on but I dont know how much more torture I can take