Lonely Everyday:(

i've been feeling lonely everyday for as long as i can remember. i'm extremely shy so its really hard for me to make friends. the only person i consider a friend is my closest cousin. we used to do everything together. she was anti social just like me so we really only had each other. until she got herself a boyfriend and now it just isn't the same. i don't blame her. shes 27 so i guess it was about time she started thinking about the future and experiencing that thing they call love. as you can tell i haven't fallen in love yet. i'm 25 yrs old, i've only had 1 boyfriend and it only lasted like about 6 months. he fell in love with me but i didn't let myself fall for him. i'm terrified of change and I've seen that ones someone falls in love everything changes. i want to fall in love but i guess i'm just scared. everyone around me has there special someone its like if i'm the only one that's just destined to die alone. its like if i'm stuck, refusing to grow up and accept change, i know whats wrong with me but i'm just scared to actually do something to fix it. i got a new job and for ones i thought maybe this job would be different. maybe make some friends who i can hangout with maybe a boyfriend but no. i keep repeating the same routine over and over again. someone talks to me i answer there question and that's it. someone offers to have lunch together i say no thanks. i have my lunch time alone in my car just like in my other jobs. i just cant stand it. i hate myself for being this way and i hate myself for not having the guts to do anything about it. i tried killing myself a couple of yrs ago. i was at my house alone. my brother and sister were off with there friends like always and my parents were still working or so i thought. i had a razor and slit my wrist just when i saw the blood my parents walked in my room and i just remember my mom's face. she was crying so hard asking me why i was doing this to her. since that day i haven't tried to end my life. not a day goes by that i don't think about it though. i guess that's why I'm writing this, to have someone to talk to even if it is on a computer, and to get advice from people who actually go thru this horrible feeling called loneliness.
cHelena cHelena
22-25
4 Responses May 15, 2012

You remind me of myself. Maybe you act the way you do because it's a cry for attention. The sitting in your car and denying lunch dates i understand, you're scared and think you know what the outcome of the situation will be, an awkward conversation that makes you feel even worse in the end about yourself. You need to be around the same friends or people everyday.

yup your right! especially those awkward silences. oh god i hate that it's the worst!

listen dont think about being lonly as a issue be yourself , and things will fall into place dont be afraid to let that happen ,and dont think about committing sicide you are worth more then that

thanx for ur words:) and i know that's my main problem not letting ppl in but i just don't know what to do or how to do it. i guess all those yrs of being ignored by everybody really messed me up:( i've been on anti depressants for a long time now thinking that would give me that little kick i need to socialize but i'm still the same. why do you feel lonely??

I'm happy that you weren't successful in suicide, and I hope you never try that again. Suicide is a permenant solution, and never the right solution. I too have come here to tell how I feel, I also understand loneliness just in a different way. Your biggest problem seems to be not letting people in. I once dated a girl with the same problem and I failed in trying to help no matter what I said or did. Not giving anyone a chance is the soul reason of your loneliness, give people a try and if they seem worthy of you then let what happens happen. You will feel better if you have someone there for you, even if you can only find one person to hold dear.