Classic Melancholy

I just arouse from my slumber. I am not willing to meditate tonight before work. I find so much emptiness and dread beneath the surface when I try to make the journey from the exterior to interior life. Quite honestly I am lonely a deep seeded lonliness it has been with me most of my adult life. It seems to me to be a dark night of the soul so to speak. I go through the motions during my work day, I try to kind courteous, come in peace and go in peace. yet I very rarely find another soul that shares the same affection for life as I do. I know that life is truly wonderful an incredible mystery, yet during the course of my daily nomadic journey very few act like i act or think like i think. I understand that without genuine love and the sacrafice it requires to love that life is difficult. that pretty much somes up my adult life I have experienced a unseen love, yet love alludes me in my daily life I am finding it difficult to find the will to continue. Underneath the lonliness there is a sorrow and a sadness over the human condition. So tonight instead of praying I am writing instead of meditating I am sharing some thoughst on this portal. I hope it eases my pain today. I am so sick of the lonliness and my personality that inflicts this pain on my self. All i really seek is my true self and the capacity to share this with somone. I have to go and try to function and exist in life today.
I hope do not succumg to self-pity or wishfull thinking today hopefully I can just be lonely self and accept that
anankarma5512 anankarma5512
41-45
May 18, 2012