I’m looking but not finding what I’m looking for, maybe I should change my focus?

I don’t understand why I feel so lonely as I look at the world around me. I guess I don’t find people interesting. It is emotionally draining being around people.

My view now is that if I invest my time now in other matters, at 23 I will be able to be more prepared and be able to get girls that I like though it does not help that I think about it everyday when I have to see/ interact with other people.

I think I have been so focused on getting others to like me, I lost myself in the process. I was so convinced that getting a girlfriend would solve my issues, my reality is so warped.

Now I am this, thing with no sense of self or identity or purpose. I thought I had it at one time but now it's all gone.

Desperation, it is eating away at me slowly yet I have this feeling in the back that tells me I won’t become happier by getting a girlfriend but I know I will be better off. Perhaps, I am not ready yet.

I feel like a little piece of me dies every day, unrecoverable, stolen by the darkness. I just try to go on every day, my only goal to get through the day. I just wait for the inevitable decline of my life to rock bottom. I believe the sense of desperation and having nothing left to lose might just be enough to propel me forward to where I would like to be.

I’m a lonely man, a very lonely man indeed. In the company of myself, I am the lonely wanderer who travels the wild landscape that is my mind. Hoping one day, I will stumble upon the oasis of companionship in this harsh desert called life.
innoc3nt innoc3nt
18-21, M
1 Response May 18, 2012

This sounds like you are falling into a depression. I'd like to be able to say that taking pills will help, and maybe they would, but changing how you feel, with chemicals is not really the best thing in the world. I'll recommend a book, instead. It could change your way of looking at the world, and therefore how you feel about yourself and your life; or you could choose to not read it and continue on this path of sadness and loneliness. Your choice. <br />
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The book is Practicing the Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. It isn't a big book; a mere 142 pages; but it is a good book for those of us who are struggling with these feelings of separation and depression and loneliness.

I know you mean well, but do you really believe a book will take away the pain of loneliness? The pain of feeling unloved? I have read this book, and many others, and they can help us understand ourselves better, see the changes we could make, that may improve how we live in some way, but ultimately they don't cure the kind of loneliness he is talking about.
I'm assuming you have read this book, and yet your username is grant me peace please...have you found your peace? I hope so.

I don't expect a book to take away any kind of loneliness. I was addressing his words in his first paragraph, only. *I’m looking but not finding what I’m looking for, maybe I should change my focus?* I think the book could help with that. I am not lonely. Never have been, so I don't relate to that part of it well. My lack of peace has nothing to do with loneliness. It is to do with family members who are hurting for reasons beyond my ability to help. I am not lecturing him and trying to tell him a book will give him a big circle of friends and he will no longer be lonely. This book, may just help him change his focus.