Heart In Need Of Love

Ever since I was a lil boy, I was a dreamer. I daydreamed about alot, and life was good. Nobody told me tho that being just in my head wasn't right. You see I never had parents who talked much. They never grew up with that sense, to see their quiet son, struggle in school. They taught me about staying together, that thet care about me, and I know they do.

Still to this day that shy lil boy never learned how important socializing was to live. I never had a single friend to vent to. My familly loves me, I don't doubt it but they arent the type to talk still. I am 32 now, I still daydream, and I still have no friends, I don't enjoy the company of anyone... But I wish I had a girlfriend.

Somebody that was there to hug me, to make me smile, tell me that they care about me 100% that life wont pass me by. That I'll still be relativly young, what good is it to have your first love if you are old? I trully feel I missed so many years, theres no real happy moments. They all run and melt into the same pool of simple days alone, just there.

I've been told I'm good looking but, I just dint really believe it, I always judged myself harshly for being different, forever feeling like being quiet should be accepted. There are times when someone will just focus on why I'm not talking, as if suddenly I had become an object taking up space.

The deep jealousy of those, holding hands smiling, experiencing something I can only dream about, something everyone should have.
What if one day I'm 40, or 60 and I couldn't get past my sad self to search for someone who knew I existed. I'm glad I look young, people can never believe im 32 since I look 21. Time wont wait, eventually life catches up, and you can't go back.

I feel very much like I can't understand soscialising, but I know I can understand Love, I'm a virgin to it all, to the precious part that so many take for granted. Loneliness is a struggle, specially when theres no one there for you who cares enough.
SartzZz SartzZz
26-30, M
May 18, 2012