Feeling Overwhelmed And Full Of Pain But I Feel So Lonely And Unwanted!

I am a mother of 2 children. They both have their own lifes. My son just turned 18 and his moods have been changing. I suppose his hormones are also changing. I can be in the living room either watching tv OR doodling around the house. I am in Chronic pain SO therefore I am not able to get around the house OR even go outside much.

I feel oh so lonely and all alone even when he is here and in his bedroom. I attempt to talk to him! There may be times when he will come out of his room and do things around the house -- he has become unpredictable. He has been responsible (going to school and work)! He got his first paycheck since he turned 18. It wasn't much but he has spent it all! He spent it all within 4 days. Wow . . . I can't believe it and I have been feeling so hurt about this.

Now I spend time in my bedroom because it hurts to be out in the main part of my house. There are times within the day that I feel that I can come out of this shell that I feel I am in. Feels like I'm in prison in my own house. I feel lonely even when there are others here. I don't know how to deal with it. He has become a person that I don't know what to say to him. There are times that he will talk to me. I can't stand yelling at him when he feels like arguing. So I have decided to shut down and protect my soul, my spirit from any verbal, spiritual, mental abuse.

If anyone has experienced this talk to me!!

GraciousMother1955 GraciousMother1955
56-60, F
2 Responses May 19, 2012

I was that 18 year old once............<br />
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I have to say that your son is more self absorbed than inconsiderate...........hormones have a lot to do with it but so does the melodrama of being that age......... think back.<br />
How would you describe your 18 year old self?<br />
How would your parents have seen you?<br />
Now imagine testosterone surging through your veins and the drive to procreate singeing your immature brain.........<br />
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Now tell me why it bothers you that he spent his 1st paycheck in 4 days.... especially if it were so small.<br />
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I understand you are lonely but you have mentioned nothing about a husband or a special friend.........<br />
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What has kept you from seeking every thing possible to reduce the chronic pain.<br />
Do you have a hobby?<br />
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I am recounting some things I remember from my youth........ many adults forget how they were back in the days of their youth.<br />
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Please understand I am probing for information not trying to be heartless or in any way cruel........... but tell me the nature of your chronic [ain......... the information you give to me is not complete enough to fully comprehend your situation.<br />
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Please feel free to message me with this information instead of making anything public that might not make you comfortable<br />
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If you don't feel comfortable talking about these things just say no thank you<br />
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I hope things become better but to get the best suggestion how to achieve your goals with the son you have to paint a clearer picture.<br />
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Love, Light and Blessings,<br />
<br />
Elf

As I read your post, I am in tears. I am NOT alone! Now, I don't know if you feel the depth of my pain, but I do believe it's close. I have tried everything to give myself self worth. I tried the whole "beautiful at any size" thing with make up, clothes & the whole nine yards, but it never worked. I used to think that if I heard one more person say to me, "... you must be sending out negative vibes!" I would slap them. I wanted to believe it was true. I am worthy of companionship and adulation from others in my peer group, but it never came.<br />
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I had a therapist ask me, " You don't expect to feel that emotional compensation from your kids, do you?" I humbly said no... but from where else does it come?<br />
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I am currently taking classes at Kaplan University online to finish my Political Science degree that I started 35+ years ago. That has given me SOME confirmation of my self worth, but it is still not complete. <br />
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Maybe I am off kilter and your situation is different, but there is nothing worse than being in a space with other humans who are supposed to "love" you and feel like you are not even the iceberg that hit the Titanic. You are that remote. Please, feel free to comment or contact me. I am in desperate need of a kindred spirit! Thank you for following me!<br />
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Iris Marie

I am glad to see you have returned to classes to make your self worth rise.
I am an empath........ yes I do feel your pain.....
If you have weight concerns go to a health food store and buy green tea extract..... it has been proven to give pretty quick weight loss without the problems associated with diet drugs.
I don't think you are sending out negative vibes ... I think you have some serious issues that have to be worked through........
Companionship and adulation........... hmmmm
wellI seek neither........ especially adulation... but here is what I have found... the higher your confidence level the more attractive you are to others........ I think getting a degree will help this... but what you need as well is a series of wins.
Start small but when you have a win allow your enthusiasm to soar...... make a big deal out of those small wins.......... they will attract others.
Understand above all else............ you are not alone in your circumstances......... many have the same problems......... but you must be proactive in your approach to the issues you face.......... the powers that be help those who help themselves as well.

One last point.... if you are replying to my comments please use the reply option so that I will be notified if you respond to me.

Thank you for the kind advice. A woman of my age has tried all of those... believe me. For many, they work, but for me, it is just difficult to reconcile what others do that works for them, yet leaves me flat. I gave up looking for companionship almost 25 years ago when I realized that it was an unrealistic desire. But that void is still there and it makes life difficult when to see others smiling amid family and friends and I am in such pain from loneliness. Oh well. I must exist until it is my time to live no more. Then, I am sure I will get to feel what I am missing.