This, Too, Shall Pass??

Recently I've been feeling so depressed and disconnected from life. I tend to see the dark sides of things first and exaggerate all of my problems. I know I'm not the type of person who dwells on all the negative aspects of life but after I broke up with my 2-year boyfriend who cheated on me I started to lose my self-confidence and get mad quite easily. My boyfriend whom I thought of sharing my life with and growing old with dumped me and got married one month later to another girl. Suddenly that girl had everything that I ever wanted - the guy I wanted to be with and the life I wanted to have. Yes I was jealous and felt so bad that I just wanted to disappear. A lot of people would say move on and time will heal all wounds but it doesn't. I only have a few friends and most of them are very happy with their marriage/love life and they don't get how I feel. Hanging out with them only makes me feel worse. It's not easy for me to be open and start seeing other people or make friends. I've recently started wearing dental braces as well, which makes me feel so self conscious and not at all confident with my looks. My career is getting nowhere and I feel it's too late for me to start all over again. I'm doing everything I can to distract myself from painful memories in the past but I just don't have the guts to start a new life in a new place. My life now seems so empty. Nobody really understands me and the hard time I'm going through. I don't know what I should do. I'm constantly reminded of my ex and I'm stuck in different options for my job. This may sound stupid to a lot of people I know but i can't help it. Pain and anger and loneliness is killing me inside! Maybe if i could just find somebody who's willing to listen and stand by me then I would have the strength to face this difficult time.
I'm lonely. Why do people have to be this lonely?
For now I know one thing lonely people should not do - that is to read books written by Haruki Murakami. I've been reading lots of his stories recently and they made me feel even more lonely in a pathetic way.
cityowl cityowl
26-30, F
6 Responses May 20, 2012

Thanks everyone for your responses. You dont know how much it means to be listened to really. Seven months already from the day I posted this, and I almost forgot about this page until winter came and stirred me up inside, and out of boredom I just typed I am lonely in the Google bar and this page showed up and the next thing I know, here i am reading this again. Let me tell you yes distractions did work to some extent but the problem is still there. Every once in a while I'm still reminded of the past and the pain of the break up. It's getting less painful now, but it still hurts. Whenever something reminds me of anything of him, I would just stop thinking and count to ten in English, Chinese and all other languages that I know. That distracts me (or at least my brain) from bringing back old memories. I don't know when I will be able to bounce back, but I know life will never be the same. When will this pass?

This pain may never disappear, he will always be in your life and I am sure you wish you could just forget but sadly we can't. We will always feel pain, people that left us will always be with us, they will remind us from time to time they are gone and it will hurt. No one will really be able to say anything and make the pain go away but the truth is life will suck. More bad will happen then good and I would love to say you will find someone and go somewhere but you may never. Everyday people die alone and everyday people die with everyone standing near them crying. Just know this, you will end up where you are supposed to be. I am currently 20.951 and I can't see a life where I can be happy with someone. No matter how much success I may have, I will never find her and thats just my life. I hope your lucky and find your happiness.

M really sorry to hear all that sweety. i so wish i could give u a big hug right now :)<br />
<br />
u know, these r all signals, that ur life's giving u.<br />
Things were not right the way they were... n now u have both reason and motivation to make a new start. Dont lose hope my dear. Remember, the night gets darkest just before the dawn.<br />
The first step should b to find yourself a good job. something that u really love doing. something that comes naturally to u.... it can b painting, or Event management, or teaching, it can be anything. doing that thing, should make u feel content and proud of yourself.<br />
n then since you'l love your work, you'l get so engrossed, u wont get a single thought of ur ex... n u wont even realize when u will have forgotten him n moved on.<br />
and since you'l love what u do... you will b successful too! soon you'l have plenty of people flocking around you :)<br />
and then there will b lot of friends... n oneday, u will even meet someone who shall give u all the love that u deserve.<br />
<br />
i wish u get the life that you've always dreamt of :)

First of all, your English is very good!<br />
You know my granny always says that god tests all the strong persons to make them even more stronger. So maybe he wants you to be stronger and maybe there are lots of good things waiting for you in future. <br />
I also feel really low when I hang out with my friends right now because they already have joined universities and colleges whereas I am trying hard for abroad study which is not happening and I really feel depressed about it! I know how it feels to be with people who have achieved a lot more than you.... I do envy them but not in a bad way.... I try to make that envy my strength and here I am trying really hard to achieve my dreams! It's never too late for anything.<br />
Just love yourself, I think that's all you need to do. Wake up in the morning, look at the mirror and say " I love you, I care for you and I'll get you out of your worries very soon" everyday! That's what I did to gain my lost confidence....I hope it works for you too! Good luck hon!

I m sorry to hear this... Just remember that everything happens for good....maybe now u are not getting why its happening with u....but m sure...later u will... U hav got time....use that time for urself...focus on ur career...once u set a goal...n u r determined....nobody can stop u frm achieving it.... Definitely u hav seen more of this life than me....but still i wanted to share what i felt after reading ur story.... <br />
<br />
Live for urself n things will start working out....mgbu :)

Well English is not my first language but i still like to write in English as it makes me feel indirect when I write about my own problems, it's like i'm writing about someone else's story. Excuse any mistakes in my story!