My Life...

I'm really lonely. Always. I don't really like being a loner but I can' t help it. I'm shy and because of my past I find it hard to trust people. I spend most of my time drawing in my notebook. I have a small group of friends but I can't really relate to them at all. I tend to make friends with new people and people who just need a friend. I have two friends that I have a love for art in common with but one of them has an even closer friend that just got back from a 3 week vacation. I think that her and I have the most in common in my small group of friends. She's really deep and the kind of friend I need. Now that her other friend is back I'm afraid she will stop hanging out with me. She still has been helping me with my art work and stuff, but only online. My other closer friend is always happy and hardly even scrapes the surface. I don't have anyone to talk to, and now I'm pouring my heart out online. I do attend a small school and I realize that there are people out there that I would be good friends with but I don't go out and search for friends, or anything really. I just want to find someone soon. Summer vacation is coming soon also so then I'll be all alone. Actually earlier today I went to an amusement park with my family and saw a couple of my class mates, a girl and a guy. And there was another girl who I had slightly shared my life with and she hugged me and introduced me to a group of her friends but we only engaged for like a few seconds. Well back to the other girl and the guy. I made eye contact with them as much as possible. The girl wouldn't really look at me at all but the guy and I made eye contact a lot and he knew I was there. I ended up not talking to any either of them which kinda brought me down a bit. I knew that I wouldn't  end up riding any rides with them, but I was hoping for them to at least say hi or acknowledge me other than looking at me. This kind of thing happens a lot and each time I feel worse. I'm stuck in a hole of loneliness. I've learned to be alone but I still don't enjoy it. I don't know where to go know, where to look. de
depressedclown5321 depressedclown5321
May 20, 2012