Lonely Sucks

Me being lonely probably started about 4 yrs ago,my best friend moved away and we were inseperable. I got depressed after that I made another friend 2 yrs ago but then she moved away also. So then after that my friends pretty much consisted of people online and while they have become some of the best friends I could have at times and i even met another person who became my friend from that about a year ago,he actually lives in the same state as I do but we dont hang out often because he's married now. The rest of my friends we lost touch and there wasnt that many anyways. I am kinda shy and have social anxiety so I guess its hard for me to make friends on my own due to lack of opportunity,like when I was in school I made friends more easily. Im not real comfortable with going places on my own to meet people and do things because that seems a bit weird to me. I miss my boyfriend alot at times too we met online also,he's in the navy. but idk ive been feeling alot more lonely like I should be going out doing more things ect I think its because the weather is warmer. Id like to I wish I could sometimes I think its my fault I get lonely because I dont push myself to go out and meet people but id feel more comfortable out with someone and not alone to socialize with people. So other then online I guess my average is one friend a year, I like being alone sometimes but I hate feeling lonely and there is no way to discribe the feeling of being in love with someone and not being able to see them or talk often for periods of time but I do it because this is the first relationship thats ever given me that "right" feeling about the other person he's worth it and he thinks im worth it always has.but still I wish I had more a social life outside of internet but yet I dont do much to change it which is like why not because I dont wanna be this way lonely,yes to try is to change.
deleted deleted
May 21, 2012