I'm 18, turning 19 in a few months and really dreading it. To think these supposed to be the best years of my life…I feel like I’ve wasted my entire youth. For the past 7 years I can say that I have not had a single friend. I’ll never know what it’s like to have a best friend. They say as we get older, making friends becomes much harder.

I have forgotten what it’s like to have a friend; I just want someone I can share my thoughts with and be myself. At school, I sit alone during lunch or breaks and wait, just wait for it to end so I can go home. As sad as it sounds, the internet is my only escape from the reality of my loneliness. I have social anxiety disorder, it all started after elementary school, I was overweight and had hyperhidrosis. I have lost a lot of weight (down to my last 25 pounds), but I still am the same old miserable person. I wish someone would just talk to me, but the thing is, I really wouldn’t know how to carry a conversation with another human being.
danibarna danibarna
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 16, 2012

I totally understand. I'm the same age as you and feel the same. I wish I had a sister or a close friend to talk to but I don't. It's not that I don't have people in my life, I have my Mum and brothers and my boyfriend but I just feel like I'm missing friends. I want someone to talk to about the stuff no one else is interested in (make-up other girly stuff). I'm leaving college this year and going to work and I know I will not find a friend like that since anyone I work with will be older and I'm weird with older people. I'm also incredibly shy which doesn't help and I get the not carrying conversation thing too.

Congratulations on losing so much weight! You should be proud of yourself for that. People with social anxiety have self esteem and self confidence issues. You need to work on feeling good about yourself and gaining confidence. It doesn't happen over night, it takes some time and work. <br />
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Support groups help a lot, call around to some mental health centers to see if they offer support groups for anxiety. Also search around the web and get ideas on how to build your self esteem and confidence. <br />
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Once you start to feel good about yourself, then it should be easier to form relationships with others.