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Im Quite Sad

im depressed and very lonely
i dont know what to do, 2 years ago i made the mistake of dating my best friend, Rae. she was my first girlfriend, and she had been my only true friend i can remember.
i did something very stupid and i lost her
the break-up was pretty bad, i almost ended my life a few times
we stayed friends for quite a while considering all that had happened
i had my little circle of friends that i had introduced to her and together drama and bullshit ensued
she had a heart condition that was worsening with the added stress and she couldnt handle it any longer so her mom had her move to utah with her father. i would have to say it was around this time last year she stoped talking to me. probly more towards july but i digress,
its been over 2 years since we broke up and as a direct result of it ive lost the few left i considered close

im at my last straw, im the kind of guy that has deep emotions, yet i cant share these feelings unless im talking to someone like her, or in her position, a girl who is very close to my heart. i would never be able to tell another guy how depressed and lonely i am, he'd tell me to **** off im killin the mood.

after i broke up with her, a girl i sat next to in biology felt bad and we got to talking.
and we ended up fairly close to each other. but she moved to washington after that school year and she stoped talking to me a few months ago cause of her fiance.

i feel so alone, day to day i put on this happy act for my family and without talking to any one about anything that hurts, im losing my sanity
i had turned to smoking weed to relieve the stress but my tolerance has grown to a point where i cant get high without spending a fortune.
i dont know what i expect to gain from writing this, i wish i just had some one to talk to, i miss her so much
alexaginuz alexaginuz 18-21, M 3 Responses Jun 16, 2012

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Well I've never had a girlfriend, so I can't say that I know how that feels, but I imagine that it can be bad.

And it can be hard to let go, but maybe you should try to. But thats if you're willing to.

You wrote your post because there maybe some comfort in peoples answers or comfort in knowing that you are not going through your emotions alone. Many people go through relationship break ups and some go on to happily marry another and others, like my brother aged 41, who never settle down. The stats are good and that 90% of people will marry at some time in their lifetime so at your wonderful age there is every chance that you will meet a great person and want to marry. At present it is very difficult for you and I can read your pain but just think of how young you are and how opportunites will come to you. Some people experience what you are now in their 40's and 50's and it becomes very difficult for them to meet someone - just look at online dating sites to see what I mean. Your pain will ease with time and when you meet that someone that takes your breath away. I wish you well.

I am seeking to find a new outlet as a result of my own loneliness as a result of having to bid farewell to two University campus ministries as a result of the August 4 graduation I'm slated for and plus I miss my HS friends (I have numerous stories posted about my battle that you may read if you'd like)...