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Single Mom,suvior,and Lonely

It all started in elementary school, I was shy and quiet so I was made the outcast. I was left out
In junior high I was picked on by the rich kids I did have a couple friends but I lost them all when I was left out of a secret
In high school I was shy still picked on by rich kids at school, the school bus was way worse I was forced to sit with the smelly kid
After awhile she too rejected me, so I stood for the ride to school, until the bus driver assigned me a seat so I could sit
I did have 2 friends in high school and a boyfriend my freshman year, he dumped me when I wouldn't have sex with him, funny thing about that I saw him 6 months later with his pregnant girlfriend.My loving parents paid for all the expences so I could go to prom with my friend so I wouldn't miss out. After high school I met a guy and totally lost myself in the relationship I wanted to be with him 24/7
Because of that I lost touch with my friends.My Mom asked if I was in love with love,I said I loved him we got married and gradually the abuse started, after our daughters were born he became more and more controlling,verbally and emotionally abuse, the abuse got worse the first 3 years after our divorce, he still trys to control me through our kids, he is emotionally and verbally abuse to them at
At times but not to the degree he was with me. I have axiety issues,I am soo involved in my kids lives that I don't know how to make adults like me and want me in their lives outside of work. I am jealous of my kids, they have friends,social lives,a boyfriend and my I have my dogs,a job and people who I am good to talk to at work,but forgetten outside of work
emigan emigan 41-45, F 2 Responses Jun 16, 2012

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Thank you for your kind understanding words, you have a beautiful soul

Dear E, your post brought back many painful memories of my early years and rejection at school. I am sorry your marriage added additional pain. Three years ago we moved hundreds of miles from what had been our life long home. Then my husband died rather suddenly. Since we had adopted three special needs children later in life, I suddendly find myself feeling very left out and unable to get out. Not the same as your situation but sufficiently so that I think I understand a bit. We have been gone just long enough that most of those from home have gone on with their lives, etc. I hate being lonely. I do manage to get to church with the children, (it is too hard with a wheel chair to get many places), and put my energies into being a regular attender. I am finding that is one of the safer places to met others and have them reach out to you in your need. Perhaps you have a hobby/interest or one you think you could enjoy. Join a club that focuses on your interest and keep going until you have given it time to know if you really do like it. It is difficult when one feels left out but, it is not the end, it is just hard work to make yourself vunerable to possible rejection again. But adults, (most anyway), are more mature than those we went to school with. They have no idea how you feel about yourself and so you have a clean slate to try again.

The fact that you can be so honest in your writing says you have what it takes to make relationships work. Good luck and keep posting.