There Is Just One Person In This Marriage- Me!
Hi, I wonder if it worse being married and being alone or being single and alone. Probably a pointless question. I married to a man who is absorbed with himself. We have gone to marriage therapy but never stick it out because he isn't particularly interested. He will say what he thinks the therapist wants to hear but the nano second we leave the therapists office, he never mentions the session or discussion again. Completely of no interest to him whatsoever. We have pretty much a sexless marriage which has been really hurtful to me over the years. The therapist offered to put us in touch with a sexual therapist and my husband agreed to the therapist. However, the minute we left the counselors' office the sex therapist was never mentioned again. The therapist told my husband he should take me for dinner or a date once a week. That he should show some interest in me. My husband agreed and even offered me a wonderful weekend holiday. I was thrilled and really looking forward to it. It never materialized and was never mentioned again. You may wonder why I don't raise the subject with him? I have tried endlessly and then it finally hit me. He is truly and really not interested in me. We live together and share the bills but my personal life, and how I feel about things or what I do in my life, is of very little interest to him. This is what loneliness feels like- knowing that the things that matter to you are meaningless for your partner. Every two years my company pays for my family of four to return to our home country (we live abroad). I realized that my husband hasn't even asked me if I bought tickets, or what I wanted to do, or anything. So every two years I organize the family vacation by myself, pay for it, and he comes along for the ride. I would love to have someone to organize the family trip with. I don't mind paying for it, but I would love to look through brochures, and choose restaurants, and hotels together. My husband is a writer and lives for seeing his name in print. I am the main breadwinner. I go to work every day, come him and make dinner, and then go to my room to read. For a long time I would bring up the question of lack of sex and usually he would say that I went to bed too early the previous night, or went to bed too late, or make some other excuse. I stopped asking and stopped pretending. but gosh, is it lonely!