Gay, Single (again), 50, and Lonely
I seem to attract young men with 'daddy' issues. I went from one LTR (15 years) directly into another (4 years), and now I'm single again. I don't want another relationship just now; I really think I need to take some time to get to know myself. But I hate the weekends because I don't have any friends to 'pal around' with. I tend to be a homebody and it's hard to develop the type of friendship I long for. One day, I'll be ready to move on and I'm confident that love will find me when I least expect it. In the meantime, I just need to take one day at a time and find ways to deal with my loneliness.
My ex and I talk on the phone about once a week. I look forward to it, but I also dread it. He sounds so very happy with his new life. He's very outgoing and has made many friends. I'm happy for him -- I really am -- but I'm also very sad because I feel so excluded. He will be moving back to my city in a few months. I'm nervous because I don't know whether he will ask to live here or not. I miss him so much, but I know it is probably better for him to live someplace else. The question is, will I be able to turn him down if he asks...
I will take life one day at a time (I will repeat this as necessary...)
I wrote this story about three years ago. I'm pleased to report that my life has improved.
Last November, I met up with ex # 2 for Thanksgiving. After spending a few days with him, I realized that we had both changed and I decided to move on for good. I decided to lose weight, changed my eating habits, and dropped 40 pounds! When did vegetables start tasting good and why did no one tell me! Importantly, I started dating guys my own age. The first three men I met were not right for me, but number four was the man I was looking for. We met online, corresponded for about a week, and then met face to face. We are about the same age and I have to say it's nice to be with someone who grew up with the same songs/TV/movies as I did. We've been together for 8 months now and life is good.
I now realize that people change and sometimes relationships don't survive. It hurts, but we are survivors. While healing, I read a book that changed my life: Flourish by Martin Seligman. It helped me to appreciate the person I am and to be happy. I mention it in hopes it will help you as well.
To all of you who are hurting, please hang in there. Life can be difficult some times, but the right person could be just around the corner. I feared that I had lost the capacity to love or be loved. Happily, I was wrong. Keep looking; someone is looking for you as well.