I Find It Ironic

I to sometimes feel (like right now) the same as the people here. I used to be a person that didn't fake being happy and could brush off anything...but lately things have been coming down hard and fast that it becomes overbearing and I no longer recognize myself. I lost a close friend of mine who I considered a best friend, she was a great girl and I adored every moment we spent together, but she began increasingly becoming distant, rude, and just plain disgusting to me that I just could not take it anymore and had to let her know....I also thought of asking her out one time and she completely laughed in my face and said "that's not even believable!"

I know i'm not a good looking guy and I didn't expect her to say yes. I just wanted to see if the girl...the best friend that I once knew was still in there somewhere. Well I guess I got my answer. I pray that shes happy and find all that she wants in life, but I lost the last person I hung out with... Not only has my confidence decrease dramatically, but I don't even wanna look a girl in the face (I was feeling like this way before my friend) I am a pretty lonely guy especially when I am known to be very social...I still have confidence in anything else. There is nothing a person can say I can't do...but with women...it a completely different story. For those who don't know women can be just as cruel as guys can...Trust me I know...but upon coming here I realized that we are not as lonely as we think (in a symbolic way perhaps) as there are over 5000 ppl who are going through the same things that you and I are...Keep your head up ppl!!!

and women.... I've read some of your stories and you queens need to stop letting these asssholes out there tell you how you should feel...you are beautiful...in fact I believe most women are beautiful in some way...but many lack a decent personality(like my friend) for some reason or another...it could be because of their own low self-esteem, past experiences, childhood, or whatever. I know for a fact that my friend had self-esteem issues and I would constantly call her beautiful, a sweetheart, laugh at her jokes, and constantly praise her...but it obviously did nothing but bring me pain in the end...but God works in mysterious ways...because at that moment I was shown what I would have to deal with if we actually did get into a relationship...isn't that ironic?

If there is something you don't like about yourself... THEN CHANGE IT! It really is that simple...but that doesn't necessarily mean it's easy to do... as for me? I don't like the fact that I am out of shape.... so I started to go to the gym and diet...I don't like the fact that I am not making enough money to live independently...so I went back to school to get my Masters in Computer Software Engineering...

and be patient with results of these changes...life isn't a "before and after picture" (without knowing it this is how we tend to think... and it discourages us all...thanks a lot media!) it takes time, persistence, commitment, and of course hard work to meet those goals...I am constantly... 24/7... trying to find new ways to improve myself....

and if anyone needs any advise or someone to talk to that is going through what you are... PLEASE feel free to send me a message and i will not hesitate to help you...we will get through this together!!! I promise!!!
TheRenegade TheRenegade
31-35, M
9 Responses Jul 9, 2012

As far as the irony goes, we're on the same boat. How are things looking up for you now?

It's nice to know i'm not alone brother! well I might write a story about it one day, but a few months after the event with my friend, a girl I met online I was helping find a job in NYC said she was coming down for an interview and wanted to meet up. She came down and was more beautiful than I ever imagined...in fact she was a model...what turned into a 'meeting up' became a 'date'...she said I showed her the best time she ever had and I felt great! unfortunately the next day I screwed everything up by becoming nervous and awkward as hell! (Rather not get into the crazy details yet lol)

I realized this was because of how I allowed other women (like the friend in the above story) treat me, and because of this I didn't know how to accept the fact that a VERY attractive female (inside and out) would be interested in someone like me...

she still talks to me and asks me for advise, but I completely messed up one of the best opportunities of my life!

but it's not all bad though, because I realized that I can't place all the blame on 'women' that have treated me negatively, I had to start working on my OWN self image...AND I HAD TO DO IT IMMEDIATELY! because I was Never going to mess up like that EVER again...that is if God finds me worthy enough of such an amazing blessing like that again...

So although I MESSED up...I also GREW up...and I'm currently exercising and dieting...studying harder than ever before...and working on my confidence more than ever...it was a blessing in disguise...

plus I have met some amazing ppl on here that have become really good friends...some even have my number! and we are all supporting each other the best we can!

Hope all of that answers your question!

You exceeded my expectations for an answer hahahaa! I didn't expect it. If I may dish out some kung fu wisdom; Don't sweat the small stuff, life is much sweeter when you don't focus on those little things that hold you back. Anyway, you seem very positive and possess a good head on you shoulders. May the Force be with you.

Thank you Sensei! ;-)

You're quite welcome good sir.

Hit me up sometime bother! I need all the wisdom I could get! lol

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I'm going through something similar.I lost my friends somewhere along the way. I have a text message log full of messages and a FB page with alot of friends on it but I can't remember when i got to hang out with one of them. I'm sorry about ur friend and everything ur going through. If you want to chat or vent i will be here for awhile

Thank you very much for your understanding LipglossDon! And thanks for the offer!

lol i remmember this this is were i meet you lol but i could post anything lol so then i messaged yu lol xD

lol yup! people come into your life for a reason sometimes! It isn't a coincidence you're in mine! Glad we've become friends sweetheart!

lol sometimes i wish i knew the awnser but its okie i guess becuase life is a mysterious world i would say but idk i just wish i knew the reason why i was alive

if you knew the answer to the meaning of life...would life be worth living? in a way it's why we continue to grow...to find ourselves in all of the possible ways we can turn out...in other words...life is about asking questions like that one!! and to continue to form your own answer based on your actions, attitude, how you treat others, and your choices! you're a very smart girl to understand that sweetheart! I'm so proud of you!

How very true:)!

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You have a good heart.<br />
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I hope the best for you, & believe in you, Whatever it is, you can accomplish it if you put the right pieces together.<br />
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I liked this girl once, but she didn't want me as anything more than a friend. It hurt for awhile. But I'm blessed to have her as a friend. I'm sorry bro that, that happened, but things like that happen, be strong though. You can brave this storm.

thx brother! those are kind words!

Your welcome : )

This post is great and pretty moving :)

ThankS Penelope!!! I'm glad you liked it and very pleased it moved you!!!

Your welcome. I'm sure good things will come your way and a great girl :)

Thanks sweetheart...She'll definitely need to have a personality like your's ;-)


right back atcha!!

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Very heartfelt post dear. It is strange that we can be so lonesome while surrounded by others. If you need someone to talk to at times, feel free to contact. I am a pretty good listener. We all need support, right?

Hey CuriousCat2012, thank you so much for the comment...I really appreciate it!!! I would very much like that...Thanks for the offer...msg me sometime!!

This is a very heartfelt and genuine post. Thank you Renegade. I enjoyed reading it. :)

and thank you Some2soon for the comment and for reading it!

Hey!!<br />
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A fellow new yorker! ::Huggs::<br />
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How can we be lonely in NYC, there are people everywhere!<br />
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Thanks for sharing your experience, it is a good one.

Hey Samaris,

That's a great point! but I also think that THAT is the power of depression...it wants to do nothing but isolate you from "EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!!" and it makes the world seem small sometimes!! but I myself know this feeling and it is an EPIC battle that we have to go through sometimes in our lives!! and the battle can last years!!

Thanks for the reply!

You are a very good person...There is a long way to go.. I am sure you gonna make it big in life... My wishes & prayers... <br />
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Coming to u r frnd, she is unlucky... Most women only need a guy who is self motivated and direction oriented - who will provide care and love - I think she didn't get it yet...

I think YOU are just a very special and amazing women that any man would be lucky to have if that is all you need!! But I think physical attraction is a big part of a relationship as well. I knew she wasn't physically attracted to me, but she was "changing" so much that I had to find out if the same sweet girl that I once knew was still "in there" somewhere...unfortunately I got my answer but she is a sweetheart who I am sure has found happiness by now...at least that's what I pray for!!!