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Invisible Me

Today I felt something and it hit me very hard, right in the chest. It started growing, like a hard lump and knot. It then moved to my throat and settled there like a rock at the bottom of a pool.

It was nighttime and the house was quiet as I tried to make sense of this pain. This sudden feeling of despair and desolation. This was a new feeling, and it was something I had not experienced before.

It was as if no one else existed. Even the sounds of cars passing by could justify that there were other living PEOPLE on the Earth.

This was LONELINESS. Spreading like a cancer inside of my body...paralyzing me. Crippling my senses until was unable to think. I then became sponge-like, absorbing the darkness as it consumed me.

I was in fact alone.

Alone at night.

Alone during the day.

Alone in a crowd.

Alone with a fake smile planted firmly on my face.

Alone as I spoke, and alone as I was quiet.

Alone when everything is going "great."

Alone when I make my single portion plates.

Alone on a highway called life.

A road that never ends, going no where, with no one wanting to hitch a ride, or to notice me passing by.

Invisible me...

Now cant you see? Or is it me that needs to see?

Doesn't change this feeling. Doesn't make it go away.

Time to close my eyes against the darkness and sleep. It is the only time I may feel nothing. Which is exactly how I want it to be.
twistedgemini twistedgemini 31-35, F 3 Responses Jul 16, 2012

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I know the feeling you described above all too well. Perhaps it doesn't quite have a grip on me like it does you, but that lump of loneliness visits me at night a lot. There is no one around me to receive the conversation I want to have, no one to be the company I need at that moment. Sleep is the only thing I look forward to on nights like that.<br />
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It isn't something you should push down inside of you. This feeling is something that wants out, so let it out and be as social as society will allow.

First of all I want to say it's beautifully written. :)<br />
Along the way reading your words, I realise how much I can relate to this. Loneliness is really consuming a person. I hope you find someone soon too connect with and to share with.

I'm so sorry your feeling that way. I wish I could do anything to make you feel better. Please be my friend. I will make sure you have a good one. I'm a good man who currently don't have any friends. But that was due to moving to a totally new location and stuff.<br />
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Msg me anytime .... I will be there for you.