Nobody Loves Me

I just don't think my "nobody cares" story is the same as everyone else's. Are we all not perpetually worrying about spending a lifetime with no one's shoulder to rest our head on while we watch friends and family bask in their seemingly endless happiness? I am different. I am actually going to end up fully alone. I heard someone say to someone quite unsuccessful once that "the world needs ditch diggers, too." I suppose that was meant to saciate their plight. The world needs sad, lonely, desperately unhappy woman living lives of despair so others can revil in the fact that they aren't like that. No matter how bad things get with money, life or jobs, they aren't the cat lady. That poor woman would could never quite grasp on to the thread of love that she wasted her youth looking for is as bad as it gets. That lonely pathetic life is the worst possible outcome for every single person. Suffering isn't that bad, as long as we have someone to share in that misery. It loves company, after all.

I began to think about all my carefree friends in love, all the vapid celebrities who so easily thumb through marriage after marrage and I finally figured it out. I am just meant to never find someone who makes me laugh; I will never sleep next to someone and hear their heart beat against my hand; I will never go to the movie and squeeze a hand before the opening scene in excitement; I will never be the grandmother telling the story of lov everlasting. I will be stuck with just myself forever. When I get older, no one will wish my sweet dreams before I sleep. Maybe one day, on that final night when I rest my head down and it happens to be the night that I am to peacefully slip into the sleep of death, I will have realized the one universal truth on this earth: without someone, you are no one. There is no person that is going to make an everlasting difference. The only difference we cam ever hope to make if within someone else by gifting them with our love. I suppose that leaves me with one final thought: the world needs lovelessness too.