Getting Afraid Of My LonelinessI never really had anyone stay in my life. None of the people I ever went to school with ever stuck in my life. In so many situations I was the expendable person. And truly my loneliness has taken me to rock bottom where, as a twenty year old college student with a bright path ahead of me (rolling my eyes) I have absolutely no friends and a boyfriend who makes me feel like my emotions shouldn't matter and are in fact holding me back from making something of myself.
Facebook had only made things worse. I get maybe one or two notifications a week. But I get to watch all these uber popular people talk to each other and carry on as if I don't exist... Even when just a day or two before I was the only person who noticed when they were hurt or sad or bored.
Anyway. The reason I've become so afraid of my loneliness is because I've always been a self mutilator and i'm trying with all my will power not to give into that urge. But being locked away in my house with the dwindling attention of my boyfriend is putting my control to the test. I try every day to grab peoples attention. Telling my bf I need some affection works as well as telling someone from a different country, and people who are supposed to be, and apparently get to call themselves my friends literally ignore my very existence. I'm just sick of apparently not being worth the effort.