Getting Afraid Of My Loneliness

I never really had anyone stay in my life. None of the people I ever went to school with ever stuck in my life. In so many situations I was the expendable person. And truly my loneliness has taken me to rock bottom where, as a twenty year old college student with a bright path ahead of me (rolling my eyes) I have absolutely no friends and a boyfriend who makes me feel like my emotions shouldn't matter and are in fact holding me back from making something of myself.
Facebook had only made things worse. I get maybe one or two notifications a week. But I get to watch all these uber popular people talk to each other and carry on as if I don't exist... Even when just a day or two before I was the only person who noticed when they were hurt or sad or bored.
Anyway. The reason I've become so afraid of my loneliness is because I've always been a self mutilator and i'm trying with all my will power not to give into that urge. But being locked away in my house with the dwindling attention of my boyfriend is putting my control to the test. I try every day to grab peoples attention. Telling my bf I need some affection works as well as telling someone from a different country, and people who are supposed to be, and apparently get to call themselves my friends literally ignore my very existence. I'm just sick of apparently not being worth the effort.
quietlittlelily quietlittlelily
18-21, F
6 Responses Aug 3, 2012

Well, simply put, just try to break up with your boyfriend, regain your strength, find out why you are making yourself lonely, and go for making new friends.

if you stop talking about attitude.. you will definitely come out from loneliness :)

I know what you're feeling have felt it most of my life (I'm 42 now). It is sad to admit so many people reject us but they do and its not all untrue...try to change what it is about you that is unacceptable without losing touch who you really are. Suggest as in my case you have not the right people who share in your basic joys and stimulation - the 99% who reject you dont get you. Go put yourself in a position to meet other people (try to get away from romantic relationships) try to make some point someone will rescue you and you will rescue them right back ! Stay strong it might be a while till the next oasis which enriches you.

i wish u good luck! i hope u be happy one day.. sincerely, play

i know how you feel.i try to keep myself to busy to dwell on it or it would drive me nuts!

Sounds to me like your bf is not mature enough or aware of what being a soul mate involves - including taking your needs seriously. If you have a job, or have roots in a church, synagogue, temple or mosque, why not work your local network to meet new people, including a great guy who will enjoy being the light of your life. As an alternate, there are on line dating services that can match your interests with others. Don't stay home alone and unloved. Rescue a cat or dog from a shelter that is attracted to you when you visit. You will get a lot of appreciation. Walk your dog in the park. You will find your soul mate that way - like my nephew did. They are an awesome couple with new baby and shared pet dog. You will be part of an awesome couple - if you get out, socialize and screen your bf applicants carefully. Good luck to you. Each day the sun comes up is a golden opportunity to meet your special someone and not be lonely like you and me right now in our lives......