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In A Relationship, But So Lonely

I'm. in a relationship. in fact, she's sitting 3 feet away. we live together, but my college age daughter lives with us. they hate each other. even though I love this woman and try my best to treat her right, she hates my daughter so much that she gives me the silent treatment for HOURS just because my daughter didn't do her dishes right away. I am punished so much. I'm just sitting here drinking and writing this. what is the point of this? My daughter goes to an out of town school, and is not here most of the time. I can't. disown my kid for this woman. why can't she be an adult and get over this? I'm so alone. my heart hurts.
dfroggley3 dfroggley3 51-55 5 Responses Aug 4, 2012

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And, may I point out, your college age daughter is an adult now too!

Word to the wise. The relationship between this woman and your daughter may never improve, and your daughter is growing up and moving emotionally out into the world. This is how it should be, but it will leave you either alone or alone with this woman. You should decide which option is the best one for you and follow up on it now. If you plan to stay with this woman you need a solid base to start from when your daughter goes off on her own. If its not worth it (remove your daughter from the equation, then ask yourself) you should get out now and practice living a life of your own. Your daughter will always be an important part of your world. But don't forget you'll need a life of your own when she moves on. Post again soon,good luck.

when you have a child they displace you as the center of your world...they become the most important thing in your life...and that is right and good...there are no more two person relationships possible for you, they must accept your children as well as you...if they do not then the relationship has no balance, it will be painful. there is no cure for that. you have to choose to end the pain and the relationship, or to let it fester...but you will never change the fact that she does not like your daughter.

time to have a brutal sit down and explain the pain...and where it's going to end. If your partner is honest, she will tell you if it will ever work or get better...but in any case the pain must stop.

Maybe she is jealous. Maybe she is as in much pain as you. Sometimes, we tend to punish ourselves thinking that we are punishing the other. Have you try an open communication between the three of you and set rules that you all can feel more comfortable with. Living as you describe is not healthy and I cannot judge your wife, because in every story there are three sides. I just hope that the three of you can sit down and talk in a mature and civilized way.

Good luck!

Cecilia

It is a shame that she can't be more understanding. She should put herself in your shoes. What if she were the one who had a daughter from another marriage that she rarely saw? What if she really couldn't control the things YOU didn't like about her daughter? Would you have treated her the same way she does you for your kid's behaviour? She also should understand that since you two don't see eachother often you don't want to spend your time quarelling over things. She should be more linient in my opinion. And Duh your daughter isn't gonna do what she wants since they don't have a good relationship, it's only human. Plus she is an adult. It's too bad you have to be stuck in the middle since you love both of them and don't want to hurt either.Hopefully in time she'll realise it's pointless to punish you. She should understand and respect the love you have for your daughter also and just imagine how hard it must be for you to be stuck in the middle. Goodluck :)