Im Lonely

Im not sure where to start. I just browsed the website randomly, and found this place. Well, i admit im so lonely now.

I just lost scholarship due to unsatisfying academic performance, and I'm very very depressed now. And it's a long story why i screwed up so badly.

I just broken up with my ex-gf because of long period of separation, and i got entangled in a relationship problem with my best female friend who used to have a boyfriend who is my friend as well. I don't want to talk about it anymore, it merely brings me headache. And my family couldn't give me any sort of moral support. My parents divorced long ago when i was about 8 or 10? I couldn't remember exactly, but i remember it was bitter. My father is totally a loser, and I despise him. I grow up alone without any strong father figure there guiding me, or simply giving me some encouragements when i was low. My family story sux.

Currently it's school holiday, a four-month long holiday but i couldn't go home, or maybe I don't know where is my home yet. And even I go back to my mother's place, what should I tell her? Yeah, your son just screw up in study and lost a scholarship, and he will have to ask for some more money to continue his education. It wouldn't be a warm story in the end, im so sure to tell you that.

Most of my friends have went back home, and there is no body around with whom i could have dinner together and have a short conversation, but it's ok, i got used to eat alone long ago.

I suffer from insomnia for quite some time. Sometimes i hold my left hand with right hand and tell myself im not alone, because i'm with myself. It sounds funny indeed. But i actually did that.

Sometimes i feel an immense emptiness occupies my mind, and i just wonder is there any sort of significance for this painstaking struggle? I guess I'd better get any sort of incurable cancer, or get ran over by a bus, or sleep and sleep and never wake up.

Am i very sad? No, I just feel numb now.

lostkid lostkid
18-21, M
5 Responses May 4, 2007

There are other options.. so many. Look for solutions.. look for answers. The difference between those who succeed and those who fail usually comes down to ... just keep moving forward. Don't give up. Learn from your mistakes. Move forward. I wish you luck, and I hope you find much happiness.

I know this is old but I tell myself I'm not alone because I'm with myself too :P And about the hand thing, I've done that as well :)

it's been a while since your comment... i hope you are doing better now... if i were you, lists of advice would not help me much. if college is your destiny, it will somehow work out. if not, something better is in store for you...

Go to - as long as you are full time student, they will give you the money you need. It's that easy. Do NOT give up on that education.

Okay, lost, you just gotta pick yourself up and channel that negativity into productivity. Invest in yourself at the moment. You may have to work one or two jobs now to put yourself through school, but if you want to find a significant other, who is worthwhile, you will have to put the work into investing in yourself. Investigate student loans, work, or whatever it takes to get the money to get your degree. Get through the degree, and then spend time on girls. You can do it. Believe me, I would have been able to make the big bucks far sooner had I known this a lot earlier. The process sucks, but you gotta be goal oriented and optimize your time. You can do it! Keep the faith.