Failure

I feel like I've failed in life.

I'm 19, but I don't have any real friends; I feel disconnected from those around me. I feel different and like nobody understands me. I don't like parties, I don't like drinking or dancing. I've never even kissed someone, certainly never been in a relationship. I have hobbies that people around me don't have, I have interest in topics that people around me don't have.

I feel like people set me apart as well, they talk less to me than they do to others, I can't make an honest connection. All the while, I pretend I'm fine. Cry in silence, and then pretend I'm happy.

I think the only thing that would truly heal my loneliness is to one day form a family. They'd need me, and I'd need them, and we'd live together. I think that's the only way my loneliness would disappear. That seems extremely hard; nobody cars about me, nobody has ever shown interest in me, neither romantically, nor in a friendship kind of way. So I'll probably be alone forever.

I've also had to start going to therapy for depression a couple of months ago, I'm taking antidepressants as well. Another failure in my life.

I feel I was given a chance at a life, and I screwed it up somewhere along the way. I failed.
roguecitiz roguecitiz
18-21, F
3 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Roguecitiz if you have a kik account, my username is yodahap, I'll message you other ways to contact me if you don't have a kik account. So whenever you need to talk, message or email me and I'll be glad to listen

There is nothing wrong with you, I'm just like you in every single way. I always felt different and weird, I never fit in anywhere I go. It use to really bother me but then I started loving being me, loving being different. You are not the problem the rest of the world is, while they walk a straight line and all move like robots and does the exactly same thing, you curve a little and don't follow any manual on living life. I'll take that any day over being like everyone else. If you need a friend, I'm here for you. You seem like a nice person.

Thanks for the reply. I wish I could do that; I wish I could love me in my weirdness, instead I just hate myself for being like this. My life would be so much easier if I was like most other people.

I'd love to talk to you too :)

I don't know your circumstance, nor the reasons why you feel different is so bad. It has helped me out tons in believing that i'm just me. Confidence brings peace of mind, though i am lonely still, it has been getting better. I feel though, this will just be a blind guess, that you think everyone but you has got ' it '. There is some chemical in your brain that doesn't create ' it ', "i don't like to drink" that must be it, "i feel disconnected..." that is it again. Own the fact that you are different, own it. There is all types of people in this world believe it or not, some might be just like you and many won't be. Just be yourself, be genuine anything else will lead to more "failure". Don't trap yourself, To believe that your are so different that people want to talk to you less; the mind plays tricks but it is still yours to use. You are not a failure, you are not so different you are just you. Sorry for the long post, but I've been there.

Thanks. I wish I could love me in my weirdness, instead I just being who I am, and wish I could be like other people.

You can change what you don't like, but get this straight you can never be like other people because you are generalizing them. It sounds as if you project a lifestyle on those people whose life you want to emulate. You don't know their problems, they each have their own story as you have yours. Just don't set yourself apart your still a human and don't sell yourself short! You have a lot to give even if you don't see it right now.