Hurting

I see a lot of people complaining about how lonely they are on this website, and it makes me feel more lonely because I'm past the point of complaining. I have just learned that I am lonely and that is how it will always be.
I live in this small town where people only date the same race, and I am one of the only black people there. That may not sound like a problem, it's just that whenever I start to dance there is always that one guy who says, "I thought all black people could dance," or "you're the whitest black I know." And I usually just laugh along with the group, but really, it just hurts because no one understands me, they just write me off.
Or there was this one time I finally got the courage to tell a guy I liked him (and he was black) but he only dated white girls. That is the highest insult I've ever received, A black person won't date me because I am black?
One of my white friends commented on my short hair the other day. She said I should get extinctions.
My first kiss was because the guy wanted to practice.
None of my friends remembered my birthday. Now it sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm not, I'm too content with being lonely to complain. I've accepted that this is it.

So that's my spill.
dejalytle dejalytle
18-21
2 Responses Sep 6, 2012

I think it's really sad that racism causes so much pain for individuals...and I think it's wonderful advice to "don't let anyone make you feel bad about you" but when the majority of your life experiences have been about others saying how you are less than....it is difficult to just start having high self-respect.<br />
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I went to school in social work and that is the most diverse faculty and student body that I've ever encountered. And there were the most AMAZING African American women, they were going out into the world to BLOW RACISM AWAY with their inner-light and convictions to change the world.<br />
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My suggestion is to find a mentor. Someone whom you admire. Not only can you get advice from a mentor, but they represent a ladder that you can climb of where you want to go and who you want to be. <br />
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And finally, if people reject you because of your skin color, I agree with brigit and say, tell 'em to go **** themselves.

Darling i perfectly understand how you feel .am a black girl as well,living in the UK,and trust me i have had my own pains from people not accepting me cos of my color.its just ridiculous how the society acts to issues as irrelevant as a color.I had this white guy friend named steve,we were so close and we could say anything to each other.one day he looked me in the eyes and said 'brigit you are such a pretty girl and i always enjoy been with you,.i just wish you werent black,maybe we would have dated!'.Seriously.. I have never felt so humiliated in my life.condemning me becos of my skin color?..but as much as i felt humiliated i also gave him a piece of my mind. i told him '' look around you,have a good look around you steve, you see flowers of different colours,you see fruits of different colours, green ,brown,red,black,etc all co existing in harmony.why is it only in the human realm that variety becomes an excuse for racism and stereotyping. i told him off.i told him he was a sorry excuse for a human and i walked out of him forever .and you know what, since that day i have always stood up for my self.<br />
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So, what i want you to remember is this: dont let any one make you feel bad about you.you are as unique as any human being and you are as unique as any race.i have so many black friends who have met and married responsible white guys.Not every white person has a racist mentality.so just be confident in your self and go out there and mingle.certainly you will meet the stereotypes and the racist ,but dont let it deter you from living your life.Everyone deserves to be happy.So just keep mingling and you will meet the right people who will make you feel good about you and who know ,you might just fall in love...xxx..and do pardon my typo errors

Well, thank you so much for that! Did he ever apologize? I don't know what I would do in that situation...